Military Humor

[lee_h._oswald 0]

Maybe a fake but I can't stop laughing!

Hell, it looks so stupid!

MfG Lee

[gandalf the white 0]

I recall a hearing about a story from the late 1980's where a US Army Cobra gunship crew landed at a McDonald's restaurant in Germany during an Exercise for a quick snack...they got busted too.

does anyone recalls more info about this? like.. did it really happen?

[turms 0]

I recall a hearing about a story from the late 1980's where a US Army Cobra gunship crew landed at a McDonald's restaurant in Germany during an Exercise for a quick snack...they got busted too.

does anyone recalls more info about this? like.. did it really happen?

This is the latest one :P

Quote[/b] ]A lieutenant has been disciplined after using an Army helicopter to deliver a pizza to his girlfriend.

The incident on 25 January saw the unnamed officer divert from a routine training flight over Stanford, Norfolk, to take the fast food.

The Ministry of Defence refused to name the officer, from 659 Squadron, or divulge how he was punished.

A spokesman said: "The chain of command doesn't condone these sorts of actions. The individuals have been disciplined."

He added: "During a routine low-level training sortie, somebody decided it would be an opportunity to use it for a delivery."

The extra cost caused by the diversion is not known.

The pizza was understood to have been delivered to a female officer cadet at an Army range at Thetford, Norfolk.

The Ministry of Defence spokesman did not confirm what toppings were on the pizza.

BBC

[AustralianSpecialForces 0]

I've just read through most of the posts, whats court marshalled mean?

Serious i dont know .....

[Silent N Deadly 0]

Court Marshal is a military or naval court of officers appointed by a commander to try persons for offenses under military law. So basiclly its a trial but under military law instead of civilian law. (Military Court)

[ralphwiggum 6]

kinda stupid, but what the heck

Quote[/b] ]Tactical Tommy Goes to the Store

From a friend in the government. I'm pretty sure I know some people like this:

As I was leaving my house I stuffed my Glock 10mm "man gun" Mexican-style in my pants. My backup is a fully customized 1911 with all the IPSC add-on options in my $500.00 leather pancake holster custom made by Belgian Monks who have devoted their lives to silence and holster making. These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire "accident".

I put on my Royal Robbins photographer vest to match my pants while wearing a T-Shirt underneath reading "from my cold dead hands." That way, nobody can see what I'm packing. I had my Centennial .38 Special in my ankle holster, just like the gun rag guys carry. Lastly I had my "Covert Sniper" I.D. Card in my wallet with my "Concealed Weapons Permit Badge". I was ready for anything.

I drove my "bug-out truck" to the 7-11 for some beer, 'cause you never know. It is a performance-styled Subaru BRAT with 4 cylinders of ground pounding fury.

I pull up to the 7-11 store and notice a nefarious looking girl scout eyeballing me from the back of her mother's SUV. A likely cover.

The mother returned to the truck and went for the keys in her purse, but I knew from my years of combat-honed instincts that she was actually making a furtive movement for an offensive weapon.

I attempted a tactical shoulder roll, but fell flat on my face, kind of flopping on the pavement to avoid any incoming rounds and to make it look like I meant to do that. The store owner called 911 which is good, because I then did a roll and attempted to draw my Glock.

Unfortunately, since I did not have a holster, the gun "went off" and the bullet creased my weener. But I was prepared for that and bit down on a 9mm casing to take my mind off the pain as I dove for the garbage barrel. That's when I noticed the girl scout shouting something to her mother who began to take cover. I knew they were closing on me so I drew my trusty custom 1911 Wilson COMBAT....I knew that they would be impressed with that. I then duck walked to the front of her SUV but my gut kinda got in the way and I fell on my ass, which caused me to swallow my 9mm casing.

I then tried to roll to my right, but didn't want to scuff my holster, so I just threw myself into a telephone pole, but I landed on my right side anyway. So I fired one shot towards the woman's SUV to pin them down as I recovered my wind.

Before the mother knew what was happening, I charged her and I threw my groin into her knee. I knew that as I vomited on the ground in front of her that I had interrupted her OODA loop, and I had the advantage now. As she ran screaming for the girl scout (I knew she was going for backup) I made for my super-charged BRAT tactical truck. I jumped into the driver seat, forgetting that I had left my rare Israeli contract AR 15 Bayonet on the seat (honed to a razors edge). I could handle it though, half my ass is an implant from war wounds. As I attempted to start my truck, police and paramedics arrived on the scene. My truck would not start and instead backfired once and caused the police to taze me. At this point, I tactically soiled myself while in convulsions. My custom 1911 then fell out the window, but I still had my Centennial .38. I knew then that I had to take out the woman with the purse.

So I aimed my revolver at her, at which point the first police officer fired once striking me in the chest. Fortunately, I was wearing my level 3A body armor. I didn't want to hurt the cops, they had obviously been duped by the evil temptress who was now embracing her partner in crime and crying to the police in the background - I knew it was a ruse.

I pulled out my concealed weapons permit badge and showed it to the officer who shot me and yelled out "I'm one of you guys!!!" He continued to cover me, and ordered me to drop my .38 so I laid it down. After all, I still had my bayonet attached to my ass. The cop walked toward me, and upon reading the badge maced me right in the eyes. Fortunately, my Oakley shooting glasses stopped most of the spray and I was able to rip free of the Taser cords easily. It only cost me one nipple...easily replaced. I dove for the passenger side of my truck and began to run zig zag for a ditch. Unfortunately, the bayonet sticking out of my ass slowed me down. I knew it would have to be hand-to-hand now. I knew the cop couldn't take me when I saw he merely carried a Glock 17, not a man's gun. So I immediately threw my eye into his right hook, followed by a knee into his mag light. As I lay thrashing on the ground, I took the heel of my Bates enforcer boot and kicked at the cops ankle. I knew from my classified experiences in Tajikistan that once I broke his ankle, the cop would fall down and I could "stun kick" him in the head, knocking him out but not hurting him.

Apparently the cop had also been to Tajikistan, because he side stepped me and struck me in the back with his ASP baton, but my trauma plate absorbed it. I then drew my Benchmade auto knife and was promptly tased again, but I was ready for it this time and only wet myself a little bit.

Next thing those cops knew, I was unconscious. That'll teach 'em.

[Ares1978 0]

kinda stupid, but what the heck

Scary thing is, I know a guy exactly like that. Well he's pretty harmless, but he "likes to pretend".

[-33ker 0]

The only thing that stopped me from laughing my ass off was the fact that those guys really exist!

[Tovarish 0]

kinda stupid, but what the heck

Lol I needed a good laugh this morning, thanks!

[sputnik monroe 102]

I got to admit that was pretty damn funny. It's sad though how many people are really like that though.

I have nothing against people who collect fire arms and/or like researching military stuff. That said being said there sure is a lot of lunatic wannabes out there. Especially on the internet good god. It never seises to amaze me how many counterstrike and airsofters there are on the net who think they are Dick Marcinko.

Quote[/b] ]in my $500.00 leather pancake holster custom made by Belgian Monks who have devoted their lives to silence and holster making. These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire "accident".

I mean that reads almost word for word the kind of crap people post on the internet.

" Hey my pistols holster is made from the hide of a white rhino's ass, and I own a SKS and 12 chinese AR15 knockoffs! Still not impressed? Well then here's a web cam shot of me posing in my Swat gear aiming a Sig Sauer at my computer. Dude I'm the shit."

Ugh... Any way funny post Wiggum.

[DracoPaladore 0]

The only thing that stopped me from laughing my ass off was the fact that those guys really exist!

Actually that's what made me laugh even more

[-33ker 0]

You must be one of those optimists...

[SpongeBob 0]

This was posted at the DUMB forums (Democratic Underground Message Board), I bet it was made by democrats for democrats. Who else would make fun of Helen Keller?

[billybob2002 0]

Hey American dumb shits...

[ralphwiggum 6]

hellen keller is the most famous eye vision challenged person. they were not mocking her, but the Stealth fighter not being able to find right coordinate.

[Harnu 0]

[Sophion-Black 0]

http://fireworksland.com/nuke/images/stealth.jpg

This was posted at the DUMB forums (Democratic Underground Message Board), I bet it was made by democrats for democrats.  Who else would make fun of Helen Keller?

... i regret to inform you but i take offence to that.

[Ex-RoNiN 0]

http://fireworksland.com/nuke/images/stealth.jpg

This was posted at the DUMB forums (Democratic Underground Message Board), I bet it was made by democrats for democrats. Who else would make fun of Helen Keller?

... i regret to inform you but i take offence to that.

I'm sorry, I don't see how this could possibly be taken the wrong way.

Firstly, the text is not saying that Americans are dumb shits. It is saying that the Americans in the B2 (for it is a US-only aircraft) are dumb shits for being in the wrong country. Considering that in the age of GPS it is next to impossible to get your location wrong (unless you are a "dumb shit"), their assessment is quite fair.

The next two lines serve to illustrate my point even further, location is totally wrong, and considering the cost of navigational systems these days, there is no other conclusion but to call the pilots gross incompetent (or Democratically eloquentally, "dumb shits".)

The next sentence is covered by Ralphie on the previous page.

And as for the final two lines, they are a copy of North Korea's statement a few days ago.

So in conclusion, I can not find anything that is breaking the rules, nor can I find anything that is insinuating bigotry or any other negative form of expression. Furthermore, I have identified elements of satire and irony in the picture, which are not against the rules.

I believe this to be a fair assessment; should you disagree, please do not hesitate to contact me for further discussion on this issue. In particular, I am quite interested to see which part of this picture caused offence.

With kind regards,

Ex-RoNiN

[Necromancer- 0]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/Shepdog/tanks.jpg

OFP and tank driving... don't mix..

No M1A2 Abrams tanks don't bounce off each other when they collide!

[theavonlady 2]

What a world!

Quote[/b] ]Army investigating ordnance found in driveway material

Tue Feb 15, 7:47 PM ET

By Steve Goldstein, Knight Ridder Newspapers

WASHINGTON - Prepare to be shell-shocked: Ordnance experts are scrambling to defuse driveways that have the potential to explode.

The U.S. Army is investigating incidents of unexploded World War I-era munitions showing up in clamshells used as paving material for driveways and parking areas in Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

The ordnance was dredged up over the past 18 months from the ocean floor during mechanical clam harvesting operations off the New Jersey coast, in the vicinity of Atlantic City, according to Robert Williams of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, which is conducting the probe.

More than 300 munitions - mostly British and French-made hand grenades but at least one 75 mm projectile containing a chemical agent - have been recovered from 18 driveways and a Delaware clam-processing plant, Williams said.

Some grenades were actually found inside the clams.

Last February, a Bridgeville, Del., resident discovered 32 corroded - but live - hand grenades while spreading crushed clamshells delivered to his property. Subsequent similar discoveries triggered the investigation.

The Army Corps of Engineers is examining at least 100 driveways, Williams said.

No homeowners have been injured, but three servicemen from an explosive ordnance unit at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware were hospitalized last July while detonating the projectile, which contained potentially lethal mustard gas.

Either the Army or the Navy dumped the ordnance at sea, Williams said, but the investigation's chief priority is not how and why the material got there, but where it is located. The harvesting was done about 20 miles offshore.

"It's something that happened 60-70 years ago," said Williams, project director in the Corps' Baltimore district. "Right now our main focus is not who did it but where this stuff came from and where it went.

"We're worried about kids playing kick the ball in the driveway," he said.

The investigation has already cost almost $6 million and could eventually cost more than twice that much, Williams said. A report is due in the next six weeks.

Although Williams said the Army has "accepted responsibility" for the mollusk munitions, the Navy may have transported the ordnance out to sea.

"We don't know," said Navy spokesperson Lt. Erin Bailey. "We have no records and there's no one I can ask. The Navy is prohibited by law from dumping munitions into the ocean."

Ocean dumping of munitions and other materials is illegal without a permit from the Environmental Protection Agency (news - web sites), according to the 1972 Ocean Dumping Act.

"We don't know if such dumping was regulated before 1972," said EPA spokesman David Ryan.

The ordnance recovered thus far consists mainly of French grenades and British Mark II hand grenades that resemble small pineapples.

As to why foreign munitions were dumped by the U.S. military off the New Jersey coast, Williams said: "That's a good question. We were friends with them at the time."

The main clam processing plant in Delaware is run by Sea Watch International Ltd. In October, Sea Watch was fined $9,000 by the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration (news - web sites) for exposing their employees "to explosion, skin contact and inhalation hazards" from the harvested ordnance.

Sea Watch officials declined to comment.

Typically, Williams said, a dredging company would put the haul in a holding container aboard ship and then transfer it to a steel cage, known as a "load," to be placed on the dock. The loads are taken to a processing plant, where pressure is applied to force out the clam meat, juice and shells.

The shells are further crushed and sold to hauling companies for use in driveways and parking lots.

Locating exactly where in the ocean the questionable quahogs were dredged has proven difficult.

"These companies don't like to reveal a good fisheries location," said Williams.

Crushed clamshells are sought by poultry farmers and homeowners for driveways along the Delmarva peninsula because the material is inexpensive.

---

© 2005, The Philadelphia Inquirer.

[Ironsight 1]

Can't believe that none of them exploded when they were dredged up

Quote[/b] ]The ordnance recovered thus far consists mainly of French grenades and British Mark II hand grenades that resemble small pineapples.

"Look mum there's a pinapple in that clamp can I eat it"

[theavonlady 2]

Can't believe that none of them exploded when they were dredged up  

Quote[/b] ]The ordnance recovered thus far consists mainly of French grenades and British Mark II hand grenades that resemble small pineapples.

"Look mum there's a pinapple in that clam can I eat it"  

Wait until the kabobs are fully roasted, Junior.

[-ZG-BUZZARD 0]

Well, there's a simple solution to this- just don't use clams to make driveways!!! I bet there exists some synthetic that's better at it...

[Hit_Sqd_Maximus 0]

BUZZARD @ Feb. 16 2005,18:35)]Well, there's a simple solution to this- just don't use clams to make driveways!!! I bet there exists some synthetic that's better at it...

Awe, the poor whittle cwams.

[theavonlady 2]

BUZZARD @ Feb. 16 2005,18:35)]Well, there's a simple solution to this- just don't use clams to make driveways!!! I bet there exists some synthetic that's better at it...  

Awe, the poor whittle cwams.  

It's not funny!

There's a potential here of massive shell-shock!