Military Humor

[Mister Frag 0]

I´m pretty sure it´s no fake. But then again, I´m no plane contructor or testpilot  

Edit:

Checked again, Flaps are fully out.

As it turns out the footage is from a Heineken commercial:

http://www.airliners.net/discuss....1622864

The full commercial is here (in RealPlayer format):

http://www.simradar.com/Feature/1696/Hard_Landing.html

[ralphwiggum 6]

.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/07/21/military.perks.reut/index.html

Quote[/b] ]NEW YORK (Reuters) -- The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan "Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.

"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.

Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.

The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

[ran 0]

Quote[/b] ]

Army rations rehydrated by urine

19:00 21 July 04

Would you eat food cooked in your own urine? Food scientists working for the US military have developed a dried food ration that troops can hydrate by adding the filthiest of muddy swamp water or even peeing on it.

The ration comes in a pouch containing a filter that removes 99.9 per cent of bacteria and most toxic chemicals from the water used to rehydrate it, according to the Combat Feeding Directorate, part of the US Army Soldier Systems Center in Natick, Massachusetts. This is the same organisation that created the "indestructible sandwich" that will stay fresh for three years (New Scientist print edition, 10 April 2002).

The aim is to reduce the amount of water soldiers need to carry. One day's food supply of three meals, weighs 3.5 kilograms but that can be reduced to about 0.4 kilograms with the dehydrated pouches, says spokeswoman Diane Wood.

The pouch - containing chicken and rice initially - relies on osmosis to filter the water or urine. When two solutions of different concentrations are separated by a semipermeable membrane, with gaps that allow only water molecules to pass through, the water is drawn to the more concentrated side.

The membranes are made of thin sheets of a cellulose-based plastic, with gaps between the fibres that are just 0.5 nanometres across, too small for bacteria to pass through.

A hungry soldier pours dirty water into one end of a foil sachet containing two inner pouches separated by the membrane. The water seeps through the membrane into the dehydrated food on the other side. As it dissolves large molecules in the food, it creates a very high concentration solution. The osmotic pressure created then draws more water through the membrane.

Hydration Technology of Albany, Oregon, which makes the membrane, says soldiers should only use urine in an absolute emergency because the membrane is too coarse to filter out urea.

The body will not find this toxic over the short term, says Ed Beaudry, an engineer with HTI, but rehydrating food this way in the long term would cause kidney damage.

http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996185

[ralphwiggum 6]

yeah but they still can't make the MRE taste ok.  

[ran 0]

yeah but they still can't make the MRE taste ok.

You can always trade them for french ones ....

what was the exchange rate the last time I checked ? 6 MRE's for 1 french ration ... aaaaaah I'll have to ask a few friends about the French Rations/Alcohol rate

[ralphwiggum 6]

yeah but french rations have special chemical that causes temporary impotency so guys wouldn't get horny.

p.s. for those who don't get what im saying please go back to first page of this thread and start reading some funny stories L24A posted.

[ran 0]

yeah but french rations have special chemical that causes temporary impotency so guys wouldn't get horny.

We still can get Viagra from our own superior officers and your warrants ...Impotency ? my ass

[DracoPaladore 0]

yeah but they still can't make the MRE taste ok.  

You can always trade them for french ones ....

what was the exchange rate the last time I checked ? 6 MRE's for 1 french ration ... aaaaaah I'll have to ask a few friends about the French Rations/Alcohol rate

Pfft...Canadian rations all the way. As a kid living in Kingston near the military base, I got to try all sorts of rations.

Shite on a shingle wasn't my idea of a meal.

[ran 0]

p.s. for those who don't get what im saying please go back to first page of this thread and start reading some funny stories L24A posted.

mwahahahahaha had to dig the one about French MRE's up, it's on the 4th or 5th page, nice joke hehehe, but it's a false rumour    (do not mess with the exchange rates, it's business hell )

edit: by ralph. here's the link

http://www.flashpoint1985.com/cgi-bin....4;st=60

[Gollum1 0]

The dutch rations are probably the most disgusting ones on this planet (except for the finnish "canned loof" and the isreali tinned cow-organs perhaps).

Canned loof? Loaf? Maybe kalakukko

It's terrible I agree, tinned fish and loaf...

btw is it against board rules to respond to 2 year old posts?

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]As it turns out the footage is from a Heineken commercial:

Thx for clearing this up Frag .

It´s funny though

[turms 0]

The dutch rations are probably the most disgusting ones on this planet (except for the finnish "canned loof" and the isreali tinned cow-organs perhaps).

Canned loof? Loaf?  Maybe kalakukko

img]http://www.kuopioinfo.fi/kuvat/kalakukko.jpg[/img]

It's terrible I agree, tinned fish and loaf...

btw is it against board rules to respond to 2 year old posts?

or "nötkötti" ? canned and mashed pork.

[Gollum1 0]

or "nötkötti" ? canned and mashed pork.

Most likely, but the kalakukko is just too horrific not to share.

And hey, nothing wrong with nötkötti.

[ran 0]

At least, you don't want to throw your French combat rations at the enemy ... ;)

[Tovarish 0]

Quote[/b] ]NEW YORK (Reuters) -- The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan "Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.

"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.

Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.

The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

                             

First thing that comes to mind:

[SpongeBob 0]

I know its photoshopped (look at the key chain), but still funny.

[Makivelli 0]

This could be considered stupidity.

(Sorry if it's been posted before I would haved checked if I wasn't on a 56k)

[Harnu 0]

US Navy hood ornament:

[Gordy 0]

no other place to put it.

Tac light on a weapon?

[DracoPaladore 0]

Or a weapon on a tac light?

[blackdog~ 0]

$33ker @ Feb. 15 2003,10:26)]

Exactly. Plus I am not in it, I WAS in it. Now I am a civilian.  

my cousin also was a conscript in the IDF.

when he came for a visit to germany, he said it wasn't much fun because he had to carry around a heavy rocketlauncher or a mortar all the time.

don't know exactly what it was because my russian isn't very good and he spoke only russian and hebrew.

i think it's the same in other armies, too. someone has to carry the heavy stuff. ;)

Just reading through the thread I found this amusing because a story one soldier told me about the M60 being passed around from newer to newer soldiers all the way down to the newest recruits who would then be stuck with carrying the M60 for the whole exercise because they weren't allowed to stick up. Hehe!

[blackdog~ 0]

$33ker @ Feb. 18 2003,08:00)]lol never mix americans and cars with the engine in the back.

this reminds me of the M151 Mutt. it has the fuel tank under the driver's seat. not the best place to be if you're under fire!

That's not the only problem. I was riding in one (mine) the other day and I smelt something in the air. I was like, mmm, barbecue... wonder why I wasn't invited - oh yeah, I'm antisocial that's why. Anyway we kept going and round the corner it was still the same smell and at that time I immediately yelled turn it off to the driver. So we coasted in to our garage (luckily, we just went around the block), lifted up the passenger seat and sure enough a hole had been burnt through the battery box RIGHT where my arse was (of course there was a seat cushion too). Luckily the batteries didn't explode.

And the moral of this story is even if it takes 5 more minutes ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS... put the battery boots (rubber that goes on top and around and stuff) on the batteries... or else the battery box cover can and WILL hit the top of the batteries and do whatever batteries normally do in that situation.

[Sgt_Eversmann 1]

This could be considered stupidity.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v336/Makivelli/wrongbutton1.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v336/Makivelli/wrongbutton2.jpg

(Sorry if it's been posted before I would haved checked if I wasn't on a 56k)

The Pilot pushed the wrong button!  

LOL

edit: please do not quote images

[-33ker 0]

Hey Blackdog, do you still have all that military surplus stuff or did you sell everything?

[DarkLight 0]

And the moral of this story is even if it takes 5 more minutes ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS... put the battery boots (rubber that goes on top and around and stuff) on the batteries... or else the battery box cover can and WILL hit the top of the batteries and do whatever batteries normally do in that situation.

You sound like a pro