Military Humor

[Tonci87 163]

LOL, now I know why we won the war^^

[roberthammer 582]

D

You can fire the RPG-18 backwards too. (If you're a crazy Serb in a romantic comedy anyway)

Thats old american M72 LAW

not the rpg-18 :D

[Gunter Severloh 4056]

lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbBS0l9N5Xc&NR=1&feature=fvwp

[HyperU2 11]

A little funny, kinda cute and I want a dog with shades for ARMA.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

[Kenwort 0]

[Tonci87 163]

@Kenwort Really good one :D

[HyperU2 11]

FCXhmFmOPMM

[Tonci87 163]

Hillarious. Watch the driver^^ (No seriously this could have ended really bad)

[spektre76 10]

Here's my little contribution:

U.S. Navy Term: "Sea Donkey"

Definition: Sea Donkey (See-Donk-ee)

1. A female sailor, who under any other circumstances you would not copulate with. Normally over weight and highly likely to be unattractive.

2. Female sailor with whom you secretly have sexual intercorse or activities of a sexual nature in secret due to peer scrutiny and humiliation ,and spousal disapproval and future litigation..

---------- Post added at 09:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 PM ----------

nuff said

lmao!!!!!!

[tswords 10]

Here's one...Im a forward observer in the US Army attached to a Cavalry (recon) unit. So as you can imagine, we dont get along very well.

one day during a "spur ride" (cavalry rite of passage kinda thing, 3 days worth of pushups, rolling around in mud, getting sprayed with hoses, not eating or sleeping and of course, training, all finished with a nice timed 12 mile road march) me and my FIST (fire support team) were out to go and do some training lanes.

we left our assembly area, which was nothing more than a pile of rucksacks and sleeping bags covering a case of MRE's, on foot to go and do an 8 mile dismounted patrol lane were every 2 or so miles youd stop at a station and get trained and tested on something recon-like (Javelin's, react to contact, call for indirect fire, etc). So we went out, did our thing, got hazed by all the scouts and came back to our AA for a nice hot MRE.

problem was the infantry guys camped next to us stole our MREs while we were out on patrol. SO - we waited until nightfall. the night before the 12 mile march. we all snuck over to their Assembly area, took all their boots and tossed them into the nearby swamp.

of course, them being proud infantry boys, they went ahead and did the 12 mile march in bare feet or socks. none of them made the time.

payback is satisfying.

---------- Post added at 10:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:49 PM ----------

heres another one for yah. A story i heard when i was in AIT back in Fort Sill.

Sometime in the mid 1980's, a group of privates was going through their cannon crewmember training.

A few weeks in, the live fire exercise portion comes around, giving the new green privates a chance to see what its really like to...well...pull a string.

One day during the exercise, the range was taking forever to open, so the instructor left the PG (platoon guide, kinda like a student president) in charge so he could get some sleep. He was tired from waking up and messing with the PVTs all night.

FINALLY! the range was open and the FO's called in their first fire mission of the day. Once the firing data came down from the FDC, the PG got a great idea, to wake up the instructor with the loud bang of a 105mm. great idea right?

Well, the privates did their thing. Aimed the guns, checked their data, prepped the artillery shells, readied up and BOOM! the instructor fell out of his chair, screaming and cursing at the privates, as this was his much needed nap time.

Roughly 6 miles away, and 1 minute later, a 105mm HE shell lands and explodes in an empty area in the local Wal Mart parking lot, hurting nothing but a few stray shopping carts and of course, cratering a 100m circle of the lot.

Needless to say the instructor got fired and the pranking party of the class got discharged.

Moral of the Story: Your class of 60 brand new privates have access to 500lbs of high explosive artillery shells, and a cannon to fire them, all with a basic, but nowhere near perfect knowledge of how to make it all happen. Do you really need that nap?

[concurssi 11]

I have this picture in higher quality on my comp, but I'm too tired to upload it to an image service,

so sorry about the low quality on this one.

From left to right:

How...

...you see yourself

...your girlfriend sees you

...your superior sees you when you screw up

...your superior sees you when you succeed

...your enemy sees you

...your own father sees you

...your grandfather sees you and your father

...that hippie in the city park sees you

[tswords 10]

@Concurssi

true story....especially how your superior sees you when you succeed lol.

been there way too many times

[Tonci87 163]

@tswords Funny story with the naptime^^

@Concurssi How true, how true....

[Rindier 10]

http://a124.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/76/l_977fec2a66157d953fe94329f08eb7a3.jpg

---------- Post added at 08:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:31 AM ----------

http://tdistler.com/media/images/FranceMotivationalPoster.jpg

http://www.filehurricane.com/viewerthumbnails/619200820544PM_american_fat_soldier.jpg

LOLZ!!!! Wayyyyyyyy to true

Edited January 22, 2011 by Zipper5
Quoting hotlinked images

[myshaak 0]

I like this one! :D

Sorry if it's a repost...

Edited February 5, 2011 by Myshaak

[Sleep 10]

heres another one for yah. A story i heard when i was in AIT back in Fort Sill.

Sometime in the mid 1980's, a group of privates was going through their cannon crewmember training.

A few weeks in, the live fire exercise portion comes around, giving the new green privates a chance to see what its really like to...well...pull a string.

One day during the exercise, the range was taking forever to open, so the instructor left the PG (platoon guide, kinda like a student president) in charge so he could get some sleep. He was tired from waking up and messing with the PVTs all night.

FINALLY! the range was open and the FO's called in their first fire mission of the day. Once the firing data came down from the FDC, the PG got a great idea, to wake up the instructor with the loud bang of a 105mm. great idea right?

Well, the privates did their thing. Aimed the guns, checked their data, prepped the artillery shells, readied up and BOOM! the instructor fell out of his chair, screaming and cursing at the privates, as this was his much needed nap time.

Roughly 6 miles away, and 1 minute later, a 105mm HE shell lands and explodes in an empty area in the local Wal Mart parking lot, hurting nothing but a few stray shopping carts and of course, cratering a 100m circle of the lot.

Needless to say the instructor got fired and the pranking party of the class got discharged.

Moral of the Story: Your class of 60 brand new privates have access to 500lbs of high explosive artillery shells, and a cannon to fire them, all with a basic, but nowhere near perfect knowledge of how to make it all happen. Do you really need that nap?

hahah i remember that story, seems no one ever got tired of telling it either out there. Good memories.

[tswords 10]

oh yeah and thats the cleanest of the "Ft. Sill Chronicles" lol

[Rindier 10]

Sort of millitary humor.

http://www.streetfire.net/video/iraqi-journalist-throws-shoes-at-george-bush_205756.htm

[ralphwiggum 6]

San Francisco PD dealing with grenade found in a home.

Skip to 2:30 uf you can't wait.

[ArmAriffic 10]

You May Be a Taliban, If ...

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

---------- Post added at 06:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:57 AM ----------

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let's see now... No Jesus, No Christmas, No television, No cheerleaders, No Nude Women, No car races, No football, No soccer, No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No chocolate chip cookies, No lobster, No nachos, No Beer nuts, No Beer !!!!!!!! Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower. On your knees facing east most of the day. More than one wife. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey, and is uglier than your goat. Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

---------- Post added at 06:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:00 AM ----------

Military rules, by Service

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet *** even your friends…

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Adjust speedo.

4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.

2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.

3. Curse bitterly.

4. Curse bitterly.

5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.

6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"

5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.

6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.

8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.

9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.

10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Deploy Marines

---------- Post added at 06:38 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:14 AM ----------

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/military_jokes_20053100.asp

[Tonci87 163]

Good ones, especially why there are suicide bombers^^

[maturin 12]

You own a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

more like $500

[ArmAriffic 10]

Whatever the price is, I just found that and I lol'd

[ArmAriffic 10]

In the Australian Navy?

Got nothing to do?

Make a music video...

[concurssi 11]

:rolleyes: Those crazy Australians.