A story about war and a soldier by me

[bmgarcangel 0]

Here is a story about a soldier in Korea.  Its written by me.  If you guys could tell me what you think of it and give me some feed back that would be much appreciated!

A Soldier's Story

By Bmgarcangel

I grip my rifle, as I sit back and stretch on the seat in the back of the truck. Its cold outside and with every passing hour I think more about why I'm here fighting somebody else's war. I'd rather be home in Montana in my parents Cabin, getting warm by the fire while I chat about my day with my folks. Rations are low, moral is even lower. Just the other day two men had to be taken out because the fear and the cold finally got to them and they just cracked. Some times I feel like I'm going to crack, but there is always some glimmer of hope hidden away in the back of my mind that keeps me going.

The snow is falling heavily and the fog is also heavy outside as the truck drives on the dirt road. The sound of a battle is getting louder and I pray that we may make it to the drop of point instead of having to do a Tailgate jump must the truck be hit. Across from me my buddy checks of his Browning automatic rifle over once more before we hit the snow covered ground to join a battle against an overwhelming enemy that at any moment could overrun our positions.

The Sound out side of the battle is now louder then ever, we must be near as the truck slows down and finally stops, the tailgate goes down and we jump out as our squad leader yells " Everyone out!" I see the line and the chinese that attack my fellow countrymen with all they got. The enemy is within range of us and rounds start hitting the ground near my feet as I fall down prone and aim my rifle towards the nearest soldier as I fire three rounds in 3 seconds and one of the barbarian yellows fall face down into the snow, frozen in a moment of time, I start crawling to a foxhole nearby, as I hear the truck leaving I hear the loud noise above my head as Chinese start retreating mortars start pouring down around me and the men. As I start scrambling frantically to make it to the nearest hole in the ground, I catch out of the corner of my eye my best friend in the whole squad take a hit from shrapnel as he goes limp and falls down into the snow.

I now turn and start crawling towards my pal, yelling his name out loud, telling him to hold on, as I reach him I see the wound, in the chest with a hole the size of an apple. I check his pulse he is still alive so I grab his arm and start dragging him along as I make my way to the closest foxhole, as more rounds keep following on the ground nearby I continue my journey hoping we'll be spared. I get up and start running but still dragging my friend as we reach the foxhole. Dragging my friend the rest of the way into the safety of the hole, as I call out the 5 words we dread, the medic finally answers my call and runs to our aid.

He's working on my friend as the mortars finally stop and all this, from mortar start to mortar stop took no more then 54 seconds though it seems like a lifetime. I here a trumpet or horn of some type, them chinese are at it again, thinking they weakened us with there bombs, we pick up our weapons and raise our heads to look over the foxholes, we hear them coming yet again. The fog is settled and we can only see 20 to 40 feet ahead of us but we still can hear those little feet hitting the snow as they run to our position to try and overtake us they might, but they will not prevail against the brave and the right. Like a vision out of a dream they finally arrive pouring out of the mist and the fog, yelling and screaming we open fire as the foxhole 10 ft from me falls to the enemy, our machine guns in the rear open fire and mow down a row of the enemy. I shift my fire for a second to the right as more chinese poor down on the line, I click off 8 rounds into a few of them shorties. I grab another magazine out of my pocket, throw open the chamber and slip in the rounds, slap close the chamber and raise my M1 once again as more of them come at us again I click off more rounds and see more men fall into the ground.

We are loosing men though left and right, now 5 foxholes have been overran though the new occupiers of each hole are killed off each time, I'm starting to feel uneasy as I soon become the last that is out of line with all the other foxholes, I am the only foxhole that will meet the enemy first as of now, though my fellow soldiers behind me in more foxholes just 14 feet away can cover me from there, I don't like the feeling of being the first in line anymore. I turn my head for a moment to glance at the medic as he finishes bandaging up my fallen pal he yells out to me "we need to get him out of here!" but over that I hear a scream from the foxholes 14 feet away "WATCH OUT!" as I hear a few rounds being fired, I swing my rifle around to look towards a face stricken with fear as he takes the last fall of his life into the snow just 1 ft away from me, his rifle with bayonet on the end showing the reflection of my also scared and surprised face. I aim the rifle once more as more yellows attack the line, the medic once again yellows "GOD DAMNIT, WE GOTTA GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE NOW!" and so I aim and fire a few more rounds at the enemy, and then I call for help from one of the guys to help the medic take my friend to the road to wait for a jeep, I reload my rifle as fast as I can and raise it to provide covering fire as they get him out of the hole.

I turn and start to climb out of the foxhole just as a whole company of men arrives out of the mist yelling and screaming in some foreign tongue, my friends open fire careful not to hit me as I raise my rifle to fire they finally close in on me and I stab the first man I meet with the bayonet on end and I then swing the butt of my rifle at the Chinese soldier to my left hitting him in the head, I swing my rifle about and fire three more rounds at close range into yet another man and the machine gun in the rear opens up and kills of a few others so that I may have a chance. I now scramble over to the foxholes and run past them to the road to look at my friend before he leaves to go off the line on a little vacation away from the line. I take a deep breath and say a pray hoping the guy next to me who is my dearest friend will live to see tomorrow and be given a chance to be spared the fighting in the hills of Korea.

[GoOB 0]

Quite good, not as immersive at is could have been but a very good start. More details and more excitment, too head on for me. But keep at it, as I said it's a good start.

[Albert Schweitzer 10]

Quote[/b] ]I grip my rifle, as I sit back and stretch on the seat in the back of the truck. We are driving to the battlefield to fight a war that we must fight, that we are ordered to fight, that we must fight for our country. Tis our duty, to fight the enemy, to uphold our honor even against impossible odds

Sounds cheesy. I think when you are on your way into battle the last thing you think about is honour! Anyway, I think your book would sell better in the US than here!

[miles teg 1]

I know some Korean War veterans and the last thing most of them thought about was "honor".   Most of them were more concerned about just surviving battles and getting home alive.  Primary concerns were not running out of food, not freezing to death, and surviving murderous air-bursts from North Korean artillery.   

There were certainly moments of brovado, but often bravery comes out of shere desperation or just happen during times of peak adrenalin rush.  A good squad leader will motivate his soldiers to adrenalin peaks so that they assault with the utmost in ferocity.  Today American soldiers are still trained to use extreme violence and aggression when conducting an assault by putting maximum firepower on an objective followed by a high speed assault.  

I've also never heard Korean War veterans refer to North Koreans as "yellows".    I'm sure a few gave them derogatory names, but most of them had high respect for the fighting capabilites of the North Koreans and the Chinese forces.  

But the American and ROK (South Korean Army) forces faught even harder and very valiantly.  Very little is ever said about the ROK soldiers.  On another thread there is something about a new movie about the South Korean Army soldiers during the Korean War that is said to be very good and comparable to Saving Private Ryan (but in Korean).  

Even today, most of the US Army guys I know who have served in South Korea give very high respect to the ROK soldiers (or as they say, "ROCK SOLDIERS").  I've met a few of them and they seemed very tough and very well trained.

At any rate, I think your story is interesting, but I would recommend that you go out and read some memoirs written by Korean War veterans in order to add some realism to your story.  

If this is for your mod I also might be interested in writing some stories based upon the mod or based upon some of the missions you are making. I used to be in the US Army Reserve so I'm familiar with Army terms. I also have written similar short stories based upon OFP missions or as part of my reviews of new addons. Unfortunately they are scattered about different threads, but if you want I can rewrite the story you mentioned above to see how you like it.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[bmgarcangel 0]

This guy is thinking about why he is there, why he is fighting and stuff. Tis his duty to be fighting the war. He has his orders that he must carry out.

In war some soldiers think of death, of how affraid they are and of how they may never see home again, while others get that out of their mind and a accept the fact they are already dead. Like in band of brothers, its the truth, all war depends on it.

You might think that, but a good soldier will keep the fear and the fact that he may never see his home or family again, a good soldier must try and keep that out of his mind for the time being to operate very effectively.

[HotShot 0]

I gotta agree with Albert, that stuff about fighting for your country, its too cheesy. In my opinion, it recks the story.

Good story apart from that i thought though.

[miles teg 1]

This guy is thinking about why he is there, why he is fighting and stuff.  Tis his duty to be fighting the war.  He has his orders that he must carry out.  

In war some soldiers think of death, of how affraid they are and of how they may never see home again, while others get that out of their mind and a accept the fact they are already dead.  Like in band of brothers, its the truth, all war depends on it.  

You might think that, but a good soldier will keep the fear and the fact that he may never see his home or family again, a good soldier must try and keep that out of his mind for the time being to operate very effectively.

Trust me, that is very rare.  Yes duty is a one factor in combat, but only to the extent of accomplishing a specific mission. What is more important is good leadership.   If a unit has a good leader they will follow that leader to hell and back again.  They fight usually not for honor or country, but for their fellow soldiers so that they can win the war and go back home.  War affects soldiers differently also.  Some constantly think about death, others accept death, still others believe they won't die and will make it out alive.  

Some people who thought they were brave become cowards, and vice-versa, others that thought they were cowards find that they are brave in combat.

But talk to any combat veteran and very few will tell you that thoughts of honor and of duty go through their heads in the middle of combat... at least not for most American soldiers.  Maybe soldiers in other countries think about these things perhaps?  

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[DracoPaladore 0]

This guy is thinking about why he is there, why he is fighting and stuff.  Tis his duty to be fighting the war.  He has his orders that he must carry out.  

In war some soldiers think of death, of how affraid they are and of how they may never see home again, while others get that out of their mind and a accept the fact they are already dead.  Like in band of brothers, its the truth, all war depends on it.  

You might think that, but a good soldier will keep the fear and the fact that he may never see his home or family again, a good soldier must try and keep that out of his mind for the time being to operate very effectively.

I hate to tell you, but it sounds as though your deriving the entire idea or you point of view on war from Band of Brothers.

[miles teg 1]

I would disagree.  Band of Brothers was not all about honor or duty unless I was watching a different movie then you were.  It actually was quite accurate in its portrayal of American soldiers in general.

Also remember that Band of Brothers was based around a US Airborne unit.  These guys were like family and for the most part had very good leadership.   When your family is in a tough situation you stick together.  This is what families do.  That is one reason why they faught so hard. They also had excellent training. Good mentally, physically, and most importantly realistic training makes a HUGE difference on the battlefield. This is the key to the success of the American soldier. They are professional soldiers through and through. What they suck at is peacekeeping.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[DracoPaladore 0]

Havn't watched in a long time, so..oh well.

I thought the story was good. But I think it could have been better with a little more time spent into it. I personally wished to see a stronger structure and maybe no caps for yelling.

[DKM Jaguar 0]

The punctuation is severly lacking, to be honest. I think that it's like one long string of thoughts in places, with little to suggest that one even is happening after the other, rather than a great bundle of action which you struggle to describe. I think the settings should be more detailed in descriptions, and the term "yellows" was kinda off-putting.. other than that, I enjoyed it.

[bmgarcangel 0]

Hey

I took in some of your guys suggestions.  The edited version is now up above.  I will work on the story more and make it more interesting.  hey jaguar, how would u like the story more interesting? Like in what ways?

Saddens me though...worst story they've ever read...I don't know, makes me sad after all that typing

[DracoPaladore 0]

Saddens me though...worst story they've ever read...I don't know, makes me sad after all that typing

Ehh, come on. No one said that. Just keeping writing, and you'll get better. Thats what I keep doing. Just keep doing and the words will come out perfect after awhile.

[DKM Jaguar 0]

Hey

I took in some of your guys suggestions.  The edited version is now up above.  I will work on the story more and make it more interesting.  hey jaguar, how would u like the story more interesting? Like in what ways?

Saddens me though...worst story they've ever read...I don't know, makes me sad after all that typing

Well I'm not sure..

If there was some time pressure (a goal has to be reached within certain time.. or something) or twists to the storyline (any 1 of the following; friendlys break through the enemy force.. you are  reinforced at the very last minute.. enemy flank you..take you captive) Anything is possible, which is where the storyline goes from good to great. It's the ability to come up with interresting storys which makes a writer good, not just grammar and punctuation.

by the way, don't pay attention to the poll results, if it's what you want to do then you should. If you try then you will improve. I see some potential here. Build on it.

[bmgarcangel 0]

I've talked to a few people already about this story.  Now, for this summer i'm thinking about making a film, i'm also really good at making films and it has been my dream to make a good war story.  I imagined this part of the story in a movie:

Quote[/b] ]I don’t like the feeling of being the first in line anymore.  I turn my head for a moment to glance at the medic as he finishes bandaging up my fallen pal he yells out to me “we need to get him out of here!†but over that I hear a scream from the foxholes 14 feet away “WATCH OUT!†as I hear a few rounds being fired, I swing my rifle around to look towards a face stricken with fear as he takes the last fall of his life into the snow just 1 ft away from me, his rifle with bayonet on the end showing the reflection of my also scared and surprised face.  

That would be a freaky thing, turn your head for a moment and next thing you know, look how close you where to death from a bayonet.

I'm going to work on this some more though.  Anymore ideas on how to continue it?

Also, i've taken out the last paragraph and put this in its stead.

Quote[/b] ]Just as I start to crawl out of the hole, it seems like hundreds of them just start pouring out of nowhere, Chinese here and Chinese there, I turn my head and swing my rifle around just as it all goes black.  

[Placebo 29]

Saddens me though...worst story they've ever read...I don't know, makes me sad after all that typing

If you give the option to vote worst story ever read some people will click that whether they've read the story or not, that's simply the "nature" of people.

Do something because you want to and it makes you happy, if other people like it and get something out of it as well then that's a bonus but not as important as being true to yourself, holding a belief and a dream and going for it.

[Gadger 0]

2 people liked it, cant please everyone, but pleasing 2 is enough

Is English your first language? If not its pretty good effort dude, even if it is, nice try

[bmgarcangel 0]

hey guys

I've done alot of corrections on it and a majority of it has been edited and some has been changed. It also has a new ending to it. Please don't vote unless you read this edited version too! Thanks!

A Soldier’s Story

By Brendan G. or bmgarcanel

I grip my rifle, as I sit back and stretch on the seat in the back of the truck. Its earlier in the morning and still dark outside, not to mention its damned cold. Again I ponder the thought in my head about why we are here fighting someone else’s war. Rations are low, morale is even lower. We had a soldier crack in a battle yesterday, ending up in him running the wrong way and getting shot. I feel like I’m going to crack at times, but there is always some glimmer of hope hidden away in the back of my mind that keeps me going.

The snow is falling heavily and the fog is thick outside as the truck drives on the dirt road. The sounds of battle are getting louder and I pray that we may make it to the drop of point instead of having to do a tailgate jump must the truck be hit. Across from me my buddy checks his Browning automatic rifle over once more. The enemy force is of overwhelming strength and at any moment our positions could be overrun.

The sound out side of the battle is now louder then ever, we must be near as the truck slows down and finally stops. The tailgate slams down with a metallic thud and we jump out as our squad leader yells “ Everyone out!†I look in the direction of the line where we must fight. Our troops are spread across a line in foxholes defending the position as dozens of Chinese soldiers charge towards our troops attempting to break the line with overwhelming numbers. We are only 30 feet away from the battle. The enemy is within range of us and rounds start hitting the ground near my feet as I fall down prone and aim my rifle towards the nearest soldier as I fire three rounds in 3 seconds and one of the Chinese soldiers fall face down into the snow. Frozen in a moment of time. I start crawling to a foxhole nearby. Just as the truck is leaving I hear the loud whistling of mortar rounds above my head. The Chinese soldiers start retreating just as explosions start to litter the area around the men and me. I scrambling frantically to make it to the nearest hole in the ground, I catch out of the corner of my eye my best friend in the whole squad take a hit from shrapnel. He jolts back from the impact and then goes limp, falling to the ground.

I turn and start crawling towards my pal, yelling his name out loud, telling him to hold on. As I reach him I see the wound in his chest. I check his pulse. He is still alive so I grab his arm and start dragging him along as I make my way to the closest foxhole. Rounds keep falling on the ground nearby I continue my journey hoping we’ll be spared from the hell that they carry. I get up and start running, still dragging my friend. We reach the foxhole. Dragging my friend the rest of the way into the safety of the hole, as I call out the 5 words we dread, the medic finally answers my call and runs to our aid.

He’s working on my friend as the mortars finally stop and all this, from mortar start to mortar stop took no more than 54 seconds though it seems like a lifetime. I hear a trumpet or horn of some type, those damn Chinese are at it again, thinking they weakened us with their bombs, we pick up our weapons and raise our heads to look over the foxholes, we hear them coming yet again. The fog is settled and we can only see 20 to 40 feet ahead of us but we still can hear those little feet hitting the snow as they run to our position. Try they will to overtake us, but they will not prevail against the brave under the red, white, and blue. Like a vision out of a dream they finally arrive pouring out of the mist and thick fog. Yelling and screaming at us, we open fire. A foxhole 10 ft away to my left falls to the enemy. Our machine guns in the rear open fire and mow down the new occupiers of the hole. I shift my fire for a second to the right as more Chinese poor down on the line, I click off 8 rounds into a few of them shorties. I grab another magazine out of my pocket, throw open the chamber and slip in the rounds, slap close the chamber and raise my M1 once again as more of them come at us again I click off more rounds and see more men fall into the ground.

We are loosing men left and right, 5 foxholes have been overran though the new occupiers of each hole are killed off each time more just keep on coming to replace them. I’m starting to feel uneasy, as I soon become the last that is out of line with all the other foxholes. My foxhole and I are the ones to meet the enemy before everyone else. My fellow soldiers behind me in the other foxholes just 14 feet away can cover me from there, but I don’t like the feeling of being the first in line anymore. I turn my head for a moment to glance at the medic as he finishes bandaging up my fallen pal he yells out to me “we need to get him out of here!†but over that I hear the scream “WATCH OUT!†as I hear a few rounds being fired by a soldier in the holes behind me. I swing my rifle around to look towards a face stricken with fear as he takes the last fall of his life into the snow just one foot away from me. His rifle with bayonet on end showing the reflection of my scared and surprised face. This time the medic yells like bloody murder “GOD DAMNIT, WE GOTTA GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE NOW!†and so I aim and fire a few more rounds at the enemy, and then I call for help from one of the guys to help the medic take my friend to the road to wait for a jeep. I reload my rifle as fast as I can and raise it to provide covering fire as they get him out of the hole. Being the only one here, I climb out of the hole and follow them. Then all the sudden hundreds of Chinese soldiers just start pouring out of nowhere, Chinese here and Chinese there, I turn my head and swing my rifle around just as it all goes black.

It’s the evening of December 5th, 1950 as I wake up in a warm, cozy, hospital bed. I look around and see a doctor tending to the wounded, Korean it looks like. I ask him what had happened to me and he says nothing except some Korean chibberish. He walks out and comes back with a doctor, American or British it looks like. He tells me that the line I had fought on near the Chosen Reservoir had fallen to the Chinese earlier this morning and that they had found me and a few others later on that day when marines finally where able to get to our fallen position. I learned sadly that my friend had died, frozen to death on the ground. I had been knocked out, apparently from being hit on the head with a rifle and I had also been shot in the shoulder. But I had somehow made it through. After the doctor finished telling me the story I gave him thanks and he went on to attend to his duties. I sat back and started at the liquid dripping into my veins via a tub going into my arm. My best buddy in the whole wide world had died out there in the cold, yet another lost life to someone else’s damned war.

For the rest of the night I lay there in the bed, thinking about why he had to die, why the other men had to die and why I hadn’t. The battles elsewhere can be heard of in the distance still and I wonder what is happening to the men who have to be at the very source of the fighting. I sit up a little bit in the half lit room, and look around, I find a few personnel belongings of mine on a table next to me. I look through a few things and after a few seconds decide to put them back on the table. I say a few words for the men who are fighting out there on the battlefields of Korea. My wounds are minor and within a month’s time, I will most likely be recovered and will be sent back to the battlefield yet again to fight the war. I also therefore say a pray for me, I say a pray that I may make it through the rest of this war so as to make it back to my mother and father at home, for this is not the place to die for me, let me grow old and weak someday, let me not die here for it is hell. We all fight, fight we must because of orders, fight to kill other men, but truth be told, we fight the most just to live to see another day.

[Doc. Zaius 0]

It felt kind of indifferent when I read it. A lot of talk about the how but not much of the why.

Also, I generally dislike war stories that are written in the first-person. I find that it limits the scope of the story (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), and gives the author too many opportunities for overdone bravado.

[brgnorway 0]

Hi Bmgarcangel!

Good effort! Don't let our critic put you off

Here's my view on your story:

1 . A story needs a story . Why do you write this particular story - what is the focus of it - and what do you try to achieve by writing it/what are you trying to tell us.

2 . Your story is not at all that bad - but - don't get obsessed by all the details. I know, most people at this forum have a fetish about military authenticity. Screw that! You should instead consentrate more on showing the human drama behind what actually takes place. I understand your story to be more of a "docudrama" or a fictional documentary (Yeah yeah, talk about paradox) than a novel in spe.

I think you should continue this effort and don't give in when you receive sour comments. After all, writing is an art - but one cannot get better at it unless one keeps trying.

If I may suggest litterature for you to read to learn then here's a top choice of mine conserning war drama's :

"Battle Cry" by Leon Uris is a remarkably good book. It's good litterature unlike many of the other references made in the numerous other "book threads" on this forum.

[Harnu 0]

I liked it, theres a few things that need work, cutting out some small extras, saying definately "he was this", not "we was blah or blah", some spelling/grammar errors.

What I really liked about the this are the imagery parts. One that seemed especially vivid was:

"His rifle with bayonet on end showing the reflection of my scared and surprised face."

That really got a good image into my head, as well as:

"of the Chinese soldiers fall face down into the snow"

As I read that I could just image an man being shot and falling right into the snow and having some of the snow move forward as he hits.

Not too bad of a story, I enjoyed it.

[bmgarcangel 0]

Thanks guys! This really encourages me on this. I will work on fixing a few more errors need I do so.

Ya I thought that alot of parts of the story had pretty good imagery in your head you know, I mean, like the turning back then almost dying because you forgot to look the other way and like the chinese soldiers, hundreds, coming out of the smog and smacking you on the head before you knew what happened.

I do believe every soldiers goal is this

We all fight, fight we must because of orders, fight to kill other men, but truth be told, we fight the most to live to see another day.

[bmgarcangel 0]

Do you guys think I should continue the story possibly? Perhaps keep it at 1st person or should I back it into a 3rd person point of view story?

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]I do believe every soldiers goal is this

We all fight, fight we must because of orders, fight to kill other men, but truth be told, we fight the most to live to see another day.

That has never been my goal

[Schirmer 0]

Great story