Mister Frag 0 Posted September 23, 2002 This was sent to me by a friend earlier today. It appears to be prime "OFFTOPIC" material. :) </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE vs. SHE Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted). ------------------------------------------------------ (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ------------------------------------------------------ (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ------------------------------------------------------ (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. ------------------------------------------------------ (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ------------------------------------------------------ (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. ------------------------------------------------------ (Gary) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." ------------------------------------------------------ (Rebecca) Asshole. ------------------------------------------------------ (Gary) Bitch. ------------------------------------------------------ (Rebecca) F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! ------------------------------------------------------ (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. ********************************************** (Professor) A+ - I really liked this one.<span id='postcolor'> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tovarish 0 Posted September 24, 2002 Lol that brings so many memories of high school . It's what I call "an e-mail oldie but goldie" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Assault (CAN) 1 Posted September 24, 2002 LOL, there were tears in my eyes. That was hillarious. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloney 0 Posted September 24, 2002 Hell Yea thats a classic! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EveronVetsAgainstTheWar 1 Posted September 24, 2002 That was awesome Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted September 24, 2002 Oh shit lol... my entire family thought that was pretty damn funny- I wish my current English teacher were a bit more like that. Right now he is voiding entire essays of mine because of minor profanity. Asshole Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Frag 0 Posted September 24, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Tex [uSMC] @ Sep. 23 2002,19:07)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Right now he is voiding entire essays of mine because of minor profanity. Asshole  <span id='postcolor'> Now THAT is funny! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted September 24, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Mister Frag @ Sep. 24 2002,04:22)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Tex [uSMC] @ Sep. 23 2002,19)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Right now he is voiding entire essays of mine because of minor profanity. Asshole  <!--emo&<span id='postcolor'> Now THAT is funny!<span id='postcolor'> heh, I bet it wouldnt be quite so funny if he had nuked your score down to a 50 on a grade that will end up being worth about 20% of my 6 weeks average. He's just bitter that he has a master's degree and I am still a better writer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Frag 0 Posted September 24, 2002 To clarify, I didn't think that marking down your writing because of profanities was funny -- I thought commenting on that fact with a profanity was. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted September 24, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Mister Frag @ Sep. 24 2002,04:53)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">To clarify, I didn't think that marking down your writing because of profanities was funny -- I thought commenting on that fact with a profanity was. <span id='postcolor'> Gotcha. Although I did think it was pretty funny all things considered. He wants us to put our best writing into these things, but then he goes out of his way to let me know that when grading time comes around, these essays are worth as much to my GPA as remembering to write down the weeks Lesson Plan (aka Holy Writ of God) at the beginning of each section. So basically, my core thoughts on matters, my flair for the ironic, my dry wit, and my flowing prose *grin* are worth no more than copying down the week's assignments. The funny thing is he is attempting (and failing rather badly, imo) to teach us Emerson and Thoreau while attempting to squash any independent thought in the class. I am, naturally, relishing the irony. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted September 24, 2002 LOL! now that's the true man and woman! goes to do some OFP shooting Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WKK Gimbal 0 Posted September 25, 2002 I laughed my ass off at this part: "He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
R. Gerschwarzenge 0 Posted September 25, 2002 That was great! It really lightened up my boring morning at work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CosmicCastaway 0 Posted September 25, 2002 How the hell did they get hold of my paper is what I'd like to know, oops I've said too much... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WhoCares 0 Posted September 25, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CosmicCastaway @ Sep. 25 2002,10:46)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">How the hell did they get hold of my paper is what I'd like to know, oops I've said too much...<span id='postcolor'> No prob, Rebecca Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CosmicCastaway 0 Posted September 25, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (WhoCares @ Sep. 25 2002,10:56)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">No prob, Rebecca  <span id='postcolor'> Only at weekends and on special holidays... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Burl 0 Posted September 25, 2002 LOL! That was funny. Reminds me of every evening at home. I'll turn on the TV and check what is on History Channel and my wife wants to watch LifeTime. Go figure.... Burl Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WKK Gimbal 0 Posted September 25, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Burl @ Sep. 25 2002,13:03)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">LOL! That was funny. Reminds me of every evening at home. I'll turn on the TV and check what is on History Channel and my wife wants to watch LifeTime. Go figure.... Burl<span id='postcolor'> What? She don't have a TV in the kitchen? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Espectro (DayZ) 0 Posted September 25, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (WKK Gimbal @ Sep. 25 2002,15:08)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">3--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Burl @ Sep. 25 2002,133)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">LOL! That was funny. Reminds me of every evening at home. I'll turn on the TV and check what is on History Channel and my wife wants to watch LifeTime. Go figure.... Burl<span id='postcolor'> What? She don't have a TV in the kitchen? <span id='postcolor'> Yea, what weird country u live in? She gets to be in the living room? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Burl 0 Posted September 25, 2002 One of these days, I'll buy a TV with Picture in Picture capability..... Burl Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted September 25, 2002 just buy a new TV and give it to her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frisbee 0 Posted September 25, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (RalphWiggum @ Sep. 25 2002,16:36)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">just buy a new TV and give it to her.<span id='postcolor'> buy a new tv,give old one to her <== better :] real classic story,mailing this to my friends right now :] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
