Military Humor

[SpongeBob 0]

[ran 0]

http://www.chinkii.com/uploads/album/misc/armycat.jpg

It's a .. KITTY TRAP !!!!!

[Scorpio 0]

A sergeant asks a newly arrived conscript what to do when, as a sentinel, he sees a man crawling toward his position at night.

The conscript answers: "i gently take this officer to his quarters"

(I think some of the funny gets lost in translation)

I get it...allow me to patch it up:

A sargeant is testing a newly arrived conscript on what to do in some situations. He asks "When you're a sentry, what do you do if you see a figure crawling towards your position at night?"

The conscript answers "I would gently escort this officer to his quarters".

[ran 0]

A sergeant asks a newly arrived conscript what to do when, as a sentinel, he sees a man crawling toward his position at night.

The conscript answers: "i gently take this officer to his quarters"

(I think some of the funny gets lost in translation)

I get it...allow me to patch it up:

A sargeant is testing a newly arrived conscript on what to do in some situations. He asks "When you're a sentry, what do you do if you see a figure crawling towards your position at night?"

The conscript answers "I would gently escort this officer to his quarters".

good job

[-33ker 0]

Nice joke, but the explanation spoils it.

[Scorpio 0]

meh, i'll edit it then. i hate you.

[-33ker 0]

meh, i'll edit it then. i hate you.

[ralphwiggum 6]

courtesy of my colleague.

and who says bunny hoppings are not realistic?  

http://dc5.donga.com/zero/data/military/5150.jpg

[turms 0]

courtesy of my colleague.

and who says bunny hoppings are not realistic?  

http://dc5.donga.com/zero/data/military/5150.jpg

Nice one

[4-Eyes 0]

Arent those Ukranians? I see a hint of the blue -yellow flag on their shoulder patches... anyway...

Crazy ukrainians    

Right, sorry, didn't see the flag on the officers armpatches.

But they are related to Russians  

edit:

Here's a military jokes site with some funny pictures

link

[SpongeBob 0]

edit:

Here's a military jokes site with some funny pictures

link

This was the best one:

Quote[/b] ]Reaction to Snakes<ul>

[*] Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

[*] Paratrooper:Lands on and kills the snake.

[*] Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.

[*] Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

[*] Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."

[*] Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.

[*] 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.

[*] MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.

[*] JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.

[*] Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.

[*] Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.

[*] Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.

[*] Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

[*] Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.

[*] Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.

[*] AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.

[*] AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.

[*] Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

[skynet 0]

lol...very good snake reaction....

[ralphwiggum 6]

First, my reaction was, "WTF!"

click "refresh" button after you get "not authorized to view blah blah blah"

http://media.militaryphotos.net/photos....zed.jpg

if it fails,copy the link.

<table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td>Code Sample </td></tr><tr><td id="CODE">http://media.militaryphotos.net/photos/albums/apsu_army_rotc/aaa.sized.jpg

[Wilco 944]

Why was it "WTF?"

She's a female holding an MP5k....

I though Ralph was getting sexist!

[ralphwiggum 6]

check where her fingers are.

[Wilco 944]

Hm......

She is going to kill someone and get a nice fried index finger..all in one.

[SpongeBob 0]

[turms 0]

French 'lobster' alarms US troops

BBC

[ralphwiggum 6]

lol...good one turms.

not exactly military related, but humorous.

http://www.nbc4.tv/food/3008309/detail.html

Quote[/b] ]

Police Crown Doughnut-Eating Champ Outside Chicago

Wisconsin Officer Stomachs 9-Plus Doughnuts In 3 Minutes

ROLLING MEADOWS, Ill. -- A Wisconsin policeman has provided an easy punchline to the old jokes about officers eating doughnuts.

Terry O'Brien of the Geneva Police Department won a police doughnut-eating contest Wednesday in suburban Chicago.

O'Brien downed nine and a-half doughnuts in three minutes.

It's the second straight year an international police group held the competition, sponsored by Dunkin Donuts. It attracted 40 contestants from the United States and Canada.

O'Brien said he was destined to win because Wednesday was the birthday of his late father, who was a Chicago policeman.

[SpongeBob 0]

PM mistakenly recalls D-Day invasion of Norway

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet....Stories

Quote[/b] ]Prime Minister Paul Martin is not afraid to rewrite Canada's military history. At least, that's how it appeared when he spoke to soldiers on Wednesday.

Addressing troops at CFB Gagetown outside Fredericton, N.B., Martin was recalling Canada's contribution to the 1944 liberation of Europe.

"Sixty years ago, Canadians were working alongside their British and American allies planning for the invasion of Norway and the liberation of Europe," Martin said without batting an eye.

In fact, the slip-up seemed to cause little stir throughout the room, even though it is a famous fact of history that Normandy, not Norway, was the scene of the famous landings.

Then, a few minutes later, Martin underscored his point.

"Today, it is every bit as important that Canada step forward -- just as we did during the invasion of Norway," he said.

Despite a distinction of at least 1,000 kilometres and two national identities, Martin's gaffe again went largely unacknowledged.

There were whispered murmurs among the prime minister's aides.

Martin's visit to CFB Gagetown -- the latest stop on a countrywide campaign-style swing -- was the first by a Prime Minister. In his speech, Martin went on to outline his military priorities.

"The purpose of today was to put the role our armed services play, domestically and internationally, into context," he said.

[Albert Schweitzer 10]

short movie, awesome since I am sure you know the yoke (but this is a mive)

[DarkLight 0]

short movie, awesome since I am sure you know the yoke (but this is a mive)

Damn

Gotta love that one!

[Doc. Zaius 0]

Quote[/b] ]Elite troops target Scots egg thieves

JAMES REYNOLDS ENVIRONMENT CORRESPONDENT

SPECIAL forces from covert Scottish units are to be called in to help the battle against poachers and egg thieves, who threaten some of the country’s most endangered birds of prey.

Elite troops from the Royal Marines based at Faslane, who normally operate behind enemy lines gathering intelligence and identifying targets for the Royal Air Force, are to watch over threatened hen harrier nests as part of an initiative to halt the bird’s persecution.

Source

[DarkLight 0]

Quote[/b] ]Elite troops target Scots egg thieves

JAMES REYNOLDS ENVIRONMENT CORRESPONDENT

SPECIAL forces from covert Scottish units are to be called in to help the battle against poachers and egg thieves, who threaten some of the country’s most endangered birds of prey.

Elite troops from the Royal Marines based at Faslane, who normally operate behind enemy lines gathering intelligence and identifying targets for the Royal Air Force, are to watch over threatened hen harrier nests as part of an initiative to halt the bird’s persecution.

Source

What's funny about that?

It's just some assholes trying to kill a whole species...

Thank god at least someone tries to help mother nature...

[hellfish6 7]

short movie, awesome since I am sure you know the yoke (but this is a mive)

Heh. I remember reading that as a joke some years ago - I can't believe that someone made a skit about it. Since it's Irish, it must have been part of an ad for Guiness, right?