Military Humor

[marty55 1]

Good :))

[Drgpunkt 1]

OMG that realy nice :D

[rangerpl 13]

wct6herMlfo

Not purely military humor, but hilarious nonetheless. The end is funniest.

(video approved by mods) Edited June 10, 2012 by RangerPL

[abs 2]

[Removed.] Not as funny as I thought.

Abs

Edited July 4, 2012 by Abs

[da12thMonkey 1943]

Two military men and an ejaculating penis.

... on a piece of plane wreckage, from a crash that has killed three RAF aircrew.

I'm afraid that all the crudely drawn cock pictures in the world couldn't make that an amusing image.

[abs 2]

... on a piece of plane wreckage, from a crash that has killed three RAF aircrew.

I'm afraid that all the crudely drawn cock pictures in the world couldn't make that an amusing image.

Did not have the whole story, mate. Sorry.

Abs

[Matthewkunx 3]

The Most Dangerous Phrases in the US Army

A Second Lieutenant saying "Based on my military experience..."

A Captain saying "You know, I was just thinking..."

A Warrant Officer saying "Watch this sh**..."

[alasdair 1]

hehehe

[abs 2]

Not really military humour, but I didn't want to start a new thread just for this picture: http://i.imgur.com/OlIOy.jpg

I thought it looked quite beautiful.

Abs

[slatts 1978]

(From a soldier I know)

A story from the border.

September 1986:

As a young private while stationed at a camp in Donegal, our platoon leader informed us about reports of armed men walking around a farmers field and we were sent out to look for them. None of us were keen to go out, it had been raining heavily and land turned to bog. Our Section leader was a crazy lad from Cork who drove our jeep like he was trying to kill us. We drove around for over an hour till we caught a glimpse of heads in a hedgerow. Our S.L stopped the car about 50M away and started beeping and flashing the lights. More and more heads popped up, we noticed they were British soldiers. Soaked to the skin from the heavy rain and covered in mud.

"Borders back that way lads" the S.L said in the thickest Cork accent you could hear pointing to the way to the border.

"Piss off Paddy! Get back over to your side" Came the reply from the British leader, pointing his weapon at the jeep and a few other soldiers did the same.

"Ah come on now lads, your'e on the wrong side".

"Is your jeep bulletproof Paddy? I won't warn you again!"

There was a pause for a minute before our S.L replied.

"....No....But it's waterproof."

With his soldiers laughing and his 2 I/C looking at the map before he figured out where they were. The British leader, defeated, left.

[Irishman 1]

Was talking to a guy from the IDF who was on peacekeeping duties on East Timor-

Wherever the Irish Defence Forces go they take a bar with them, and this was the case in East Timor. The lads were having a party on a friday night, and where selling tickets.

This Guy and some other fellas where on Sentry duties, when 2 RAF Pumas rolled up outside the camp with 2 fully armed squads of British Soldiers.

The Brits jumped out and run up the hill to the Camp.

The lads on sentry duty dident know what was happening and promptly swung their Helmets on and readied their weapons.

The Brit CO Bolted up to one of the sentries and stood there, and from what my mate told me a 3 minute standoff of silence occured, like something out of a western.

Then the English Officer said "I hear your having a party tomorrow night, any chance of some tickets?" To which the Sentry said, " No, well not unless you take us for a spin." The Brit Officer nodded and said " Be up early tomorrow morning"

So the next morning the entire Irish detachment in the camp went for a ride in the RAF chopper while the Brits stood guard. Apparently a good nights craic was had at the party.

[slatts 1978]

Heard one from a lad who works 'long side my brother

When Ireland first entered Liberia they did so off landing boats due to the roads and mainly an airport/ air transport. One of the Platoon leaders went to the local police station. He forces the door open and found 2 police officers standing in awe at this huge muscular figure standing there with his rifle and grenades hanging of him.

"U.S marine?" asked one of the cops.

"Fuck no...now where's the chief around here?"

"em.....you chief now soldier?"

"Too right, now who makes the tea around here?"

[kireta21 13]

Friend of mine was serving in Border Guard as alternative for standard military service. Back then they had exactly 30 rounds on themself while on patrol. To be more specify, they had 2 AK mags, one empty and one full, and - unless ordered to load - they had empty mag attached to AK, and full in pouch.

One beautiful day someone called he saw bunch of armed guys in uniforms skulking in forest not so far, so sergeant decided they're going to check it out. Tough luck, they took guns and ammo from armory, load up into Honker 4x4 and went to see who is training there, and why this close to border. So they came, in some apparently wildly forested area with WW2 era bunkers, or bomb shelters. No soul in sight.

So they decided they'll check inside bunkers and, if nothing, just leave. So as they walk they noticed some movement and ap.15 guys appeared out of friggin' nowhere, moving out of bushes and high grass. First they thought soldiers are making prank on them, then he noticed, wrong guns, wrong uniforms, and he had unloaded AKMS on back and loaded mag in pouch. Just when he (and likely others too) was thinging just how fucked they are, one of those guys aproached them and said: "Sorry sir, we didn't know this area is closed for civilians, we're just playing around here" and moved loading handle on his AK-74 to show battery.

After that incident some NCOs at least allowed them to load full mag whenever leaving truck in a wild.

Edited August 15, 2012 by boota

[maturin 12]

Ha, what country was that, Boota?

[kireta21 13]

Poland, 5 years ago I think, as it was shortly before mandatory military service was suspended

[slatts 1978]

Happened plenty of times here too. Guys went to play Airsoft in the Glen of Imaal which is the area the Army use for training, mainly vehicles and arty.

It's a bit like trying to play airsoft at Camp Pendleton.

[Irishman 1]

Heard another one about the Aircorps and the DF,

The DF and the Aer corps were on exercise, and a squad was being moved in one of the AW-139's.

The lads from the squad ran up to the chopper and threw their bags and support weapons into the Chopper.........

Only to have everything slide out the cargo door on the other side.

This ones back from when the Aer corps used the Alouette III's

Once again the Aer corps where on exercise with the Army, and a squad was being Disembarked off the Allouette.

From what I heard an FN MAG barrel cracked one of the Windows, and the Pilot told the squad to Get the F**k out of my helicopter and Returned to base.

[slatts 1978]

As per tradition, 2 guys have to raise the Tri colour in the morning. One snowing winter in Baldonnel, A captain found one set of foot prints up and back to the flag pole.

He found out who was on flag duty that morning and gave them a right bollocking. When he left a pilot who was in the room asked the lads to give him the flag the next morning.

So when the Captain went to check if there was 2 sets of tracks. he found one set of prints up to the flag...but none going back. The pilot simply walked backwards into his his footprints.

[Irishman 1]

I once heard that an Army Commanding Officer asked for one of the Alouettes to transport a squad,

so he phoned Baldonnel and was passed around the phone lines and Officers (For some reason 10 or so years back the Aer corps hated working with the Army)

The CO finally ended up requesting airsupport from a Hanger Mechanic who thought it was a wind up and hung up the phone!

[kireta21 13]

Short history of Czechoslovakian firearms :D

BTW, any idea why in ArmA Vz.58 mags CAN be used in AKs?

[slatts 1978]

Short history of Czechoslovakian firearms :D

BTW, any idea why in ArmA Vz.58 mags CAN be used in AKs?

Because it has the same ammo ;) The pistol mags can be used in a MP5

[abs 2]

LOL...thanks, Norway!

vLjBDB2lkiw

Abs

[Laqueesha 474]

QUICK!!!! INITIATE PLAN B: start laughing, casually enter the room, confuse the enemy, start shooting.

Hahahaha!

[Irishman 1]

Flying PC-9 to airshow, to have my backseater produce a Platter of Sandwiches made by his wife.

Classic!

[THX-1338 10]

Sorry, if its already was in topic, but i loooooled:D

ARMA3 / Operation Flashpoint 3 EXCLUSIVE TRAILER (funny);)