The christmas thread...

[USMC Sniper 0]

Seeing it is really close to Christmas, I think it would be cool to have a Christmas thread, where we could give jokes, tell Christmas stories, etc.

Here's my contribution:

-----------WHY SANTA IS NOT REAL---------------

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After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa:

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

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Merry Christmas!

(Gotta love that Christmas smilie!

[Lazarus_Long 0]

Bah, Humbug!

[FSPilot 0]

I'll reference you all to this weeks episode of south park. :D:D

*santa lying near a crashed wreck of his sleigh*

santas reindeer... all dead

both santas legs... broken

lol, you'll have to watch to find out

[drewb99 0]

[Points to the snazzy Christmas avatar]

[Ex-RoNiN 0]

Bah, Humbug

[Renagade 0]

ditto

[Major Fubar 0]

As long as I get a bottle of Drambuie for Christmas, all is well in the world.  

[NavyEEL 0]

hahahaha great post, USMC Sniper!

[ralphwiggum 6]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Major Fubar @ Dec. 14 2002,03:18)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"><span id='postcolor'>

something tells me your work is taking toll on you.  

i was thinking of singing Hanukka song, but i can't think of lyrics in its entirity.

so instead, here is my Christmas carol.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin lays an egg.

Batmobile lost its wheels and Joker got away, hey!

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin lays an egg.

Batmobile lost its wheels and Joker got away, hey!

[cybrid 0]

In the words of Beavis "Christmas, uh heah heah heah"

Sad Fact. In Toronto, Canada, Political correctness has been taken so disgustingly far that We can't have Christmas trees, they are now called holiday trees. And its not Christmas day, its giving day  . Christiananity is being destroyed and all other minority religions brought to the surface. Apparently everything christian is offensive but you wouldn't catch them changing the name of ramadan or hanuka *spelling* (just for example, not picking on any particular religion).

Damn this country makes me sick, I've also heard that Easter will now be called "Bunny Day".

Its not like I'm a hardened christian or even a decent one, but I think it would be fair to call this reverse discrimination, where as the majority is being discriminated against.

I guess thats the kinda shit you can expect when you vote in a majority liberal government.

Sorry this was supposed to be somthing funny, I got sidetracked, I'll edit when I think of somting.

[USMC Sniper 0]

BTW, the "Santa isn't real" thing is going to be my speach for this year. I found it last year on the 3dactionplanet forums, which is why it's in a quote box.

Cybrid: you are joking are you?

[cybrid 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Cybrid: you are joking are you? <span id='postcolor'>

I wish I could say I was Damn how I wish...

[Renagade 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (cybrid @ Dec. 14 2002,04:32)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">In the words of Beavis "Christmas, uh heah heah heah"

Sad Fact. In Toronto, Canada, Political correctness has been taken so disgustingly far that We can't have Christmas trees, they are now called holiday trees. And its not Christmas day, its giving day  . Christiananity is being destroyed and all other minority religions brought to the surface. Apparently everything christian is offensive but you wouldn't catch them changing the name of ramadan or hanuka *spelling* (just for example, not picking on any particular religion).

Damn this country makes me sick, I've also heard that Easter will now be called "Bunny Day".

Its not like I'm a hardened christian or even a decent one, but I think it would be fair to call this reverse discrimination, where as the majority is being discriminated against.

I guess thats the kinda shit you can expect when you vote in a majority liberal government.

Sorry this was supposed to be somthing funny, I got sidetracked, I'll edit when I think of somting.<span id='postcolor'>

INFIDELS,CRUCIFY THEM!!

what we need is another crusade oh wait.....

anyway the whole minority shitz is getting otu of hand

[Guest]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (cybrid @ Dec. 14 2002,04:32)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">In the words of Beavis "Christmas, uh heah heah heah"

Sad Fact. In Toronto, Canada, Political correctness has been taken so disgustingly far that We can't have Christmas trees, they are now called holiday trees. And its not Christmas day, its giving day  . Christiananity is being destroyed and all other minority religions brought to the surface. Apparently everything christian is offensive but you wouldn't catch them changing the name of ramadan or hanuka *spelling* (just for example, not picking on any particular religion).

Damn this country makes me sick, I've also heard that Easter will now be called "Bunny Day".

Its not like I'm a hardened christian or even a decent one, but I think it would be fair to call this reverse discrimination, where as the majority is being discriminated against.

I guess thats the kinda shit you can expect when you vote in a majority liberal government.

Sorry this was supposed to be somthing funny, I got sidetracked, I'll edit when I think of somting.<span id='postcolor'>

While I am not religious in any way, I find this utterly stupid. It is not a question of religion but of culture, and like it or not the Christian church has played an important role in the western civilization. It is a part of our culture and heritage and has to be respected as such.

[USMC Sniper 0]

All those holidays are for Christian people, not for other religions, since they celebrate Christian beliefs. You don't change Easter to "Bunny Day", for 3 reasons:

1) It sounds f****** stupid! (Lol)

2) The original purpose of the holiday was not about frickin rabbits!

3) It gives hunter's ideas...

It can't be a holiday tree ( ), for a few reasons:

1) There are many holidays, which one are we celebrating?

2) Again, it is a Christian custom, not some other religion's custom.

3) WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS MUST BE HANGED!!!

Political correctness has gone WAY too far.  

Lol just read my first post, we've gone offtopic.

[DarkLight 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (USMC Sniper @ Dec. 13 2002,06:08)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">1) It sounds f****** stupid! (Lol)<span id='postcolor'>

First of all, you can write the holy world without the *s.

Second, bunny day? What's up with that, are you 100% sure that it's gonna be called bunny day?

What do you celebrate on bunny day? The existance of the bunny wabbit?

Man, some crazy stuff is happening where you live...

[Lazarus_Long 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">2) Again, it is a Christian custom, not some other religion's custom.

<span id='postcolor'>

This is not true at all. Many Christmas rituals, including the christmas tree, are pagan in origin.

[FSPilot 0]

But the true meaning of Christmas is Christian. It's just that it's sort of a mixture of a lot of cultures and religions.

[USMC Sniper 0]

I think the Christmas tree custom was invented in Germany, but I'm definately sure it is not pagan. As FSPilot said, Christmas is Christian, so you sohuldn't change anything associated with it for people of other Religions who shouldn't be celebrating Christmas.

[Lazarus_Long 0]

I know this sounds wierd to some of you, but Christmas is not Christian in origin.  Sure the name "Christmas" is Christian, but the holiday and its rituals are pagan in origin.  

Let me explain:  Ever heard of Yule Tide or Midwinter? It was a very important and popular pagan holiday in Europe (mostly in the north).  The Church, struggling to convert these heathens, cleverly decided to place the birth day of Jesus around this same time. You don't think December 25th was written in the Bible did you? They adopted most of the old pagan rituals, put them in a Christian context and viola, Cristmas is Born.  This way the heathens would still be able to celebrate their holiday just like they had always done, while at the same time adapting easily into the new trendy religion that was sweeping the world.

The Christmas tree by the way is indeed Germanic, like you said.  Farmers used to decorate a pine tree indoors to ensure good crops for the following year. It had nothing to do with Jesus.

[Lazarus_Long 0]

If a government who claims to practice religious freedom wants to change a few official holiday names here and there to something more general in order not to alienate other religions - I don't see what's wrong with that at all.  I mean, the Holidays belong to a variety of religions and is not only exclusive to Christians.  Nothing is stopping Christian Canadians from calling their trees "Christmas Trees" just becase the place that sells them calls them "Holiday Trees"....

We are just talking about nomenclature here, what's the big deal?

[second_draw 0]

In aus. , there is this preschool centre (4-6year olds approx.) which has banned santa. So far there has been death threats and who knows what else.

hehehe

[cybrid 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Second, bunny day? What's up with that, are you 100% sure that it's gonna be called bunny day?

<span id='postcolor'>

Not 100% sure, but thats what I heard in one Toronto newspaper.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">If a government who claims to practice religious freedom wants to change a few official holiday names here and there to something more general in order not to alienate other religions - I don't see what's wrong with that at all. <span id='postcolor'>

You don't see whats wrong with that? We've been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years and it also goes way back in to our European origions and now they take it all away just so they don't offend some minority groups. For example, if you moved to Iran or somthing, you wouldn't expect them to stop having Ramadan becasue it offeneds you, would you?

Also more news I heard today, public schools in and around Toronto are not allowed to celebrate christmas in any way, and I assume its happening in other Canadian cities too.

[MrMilli 0]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2562109.stm

[Lazarus_Long 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (cybrid @ Dec. 15 2002,21:11)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Second, bunny day?  What's up with that, are you 100% sure that it's gonna be called bunny day?

<span id='postcolor'>

Not 100% sure, but thats what I heard in one Toronto newspaper.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">If a government who claims to practice religious freedom wants to change a few official holiday names here and there to something more general in order not to alienate other religions - I don't see what's wrong with that at all. <span id='postcolor'>

You don't see whats wrong with that? We've been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years and it also goes way back in to our European origions and now they take it all away just so they don't offend some minority groups. For example, if you moved to Iran or somthing, you wouldn't expect them to stop having Ramadan becasue it offeneds you, would you?

Also more news I heard today, public schools in and around Toronto are not allowed to celebrate christmas in any way, and I assume its happening in other Canadian cities too.<span id='postcolor'>

Iran is an Islamic state, of course I would expect their government to support (and even enforce) muslim religious holidays. Canada is not a religious state so I think their new legislation is very appropriate if not even long overdue. I wish the US government would separate itself more from the church like that.

As for christams ceremonies in school. As innocent as these school plays may sound, imagine how you would feel if you were not from a christian household, you'd be pretty much forced to participate in these religious rituals. I say, keep the christmas plays in church where they belong.