If the ofp forum would be a company

[USSoldier11B 0]

That's as wrong as two boys f......wait, that is two boys f%^&ing.

Sick sick sick

[EveronVetsAgainstTheWar 1]

Well as I have been here nearly a year and have gotten a general feel for the members personalities and what they think of me, I think I would be some sort of mail room clerk who is always wandering the cubicles talking to people and offering my opinion and adding my remark to other peoples conversations. But no one would really like to hear it and they'd try to hide under their desk when I come down the hall with my cart.

Close?

[Sadico 1]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">My job would be the guy that sleeps with all of your wives and girlfriends (imaginary or real) while you are gone on business trips.<span id='postcolor'>

Damn, i should kill you if you slept with my gf, but i keep remembering that huge m240... It's not fair, why can't i have a big gun in my god damn country?

[EveronVetsAgainstTheWar 1]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Sadico @ July 05 2002,10:38)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">My job would be the guy that sleeps with all of your wives and girlfriends (imaginary or real) while you are gone on business trips.<span id='postcolor'>

Damn, i should kill you if you slept with my gf, but i keep remembering that huge m240... It's not fair, why can't i have a big gun in my god damn country?<span id='postcolor'>

That reminds me of this Canadian girl whom I talk to online. She got a new superfast computer and I told her to download Americas Army. She did and played a couple of the training missions and came back and was ultra excited.

She was saying things about how cool guns were and how much she wanted a gun and how jealous she was of Americans for having such great guns.

It was hillarious.

[Sadico 1]

I was joking man! I wouldn't like my neighbour having a LMG in his house.

What i meant was that i would like to beat the crap out of any guy who slept with my gf, but having seen ussoldier11b with that huge m240 i would think twice before going after him.

[EveronVetsAgainstTheWar 1]

I don't think he keeps it at his house

In Switzerland they keep their guns at home, right?

[Sadico 1]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I don't think he keeps it at his house <span id='postcolor'>

No, but i think he had a remmington 700 and some other guns

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">In Switzerland they keep their guns at home, right?<span id='postcolor'>

Yeah, they do. People in Switzerland must be very responsibe. Imagine what would happen in most countries if everyone had a sg-550 at home!

[Postduifje 0]

I'd be the guy reminding you to check your memo's.

and btw check your memo's!

(in responds they're turned into "kick me" signs and put on my back )

[Cloney 0]

I would be the really scary guy who sits in his cubicle and rocks back and forth all day. Sometimes I fall out of the chair and drool excessively and the janitors need to come with the mop....

[KingBeast 0]

I would be the individual in charge of refilling those water drinky thingies.

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

I would be the person who writes long and painstakingly detailed and researched reports on complex but essentially pointless issues. Reports that almost noone actually reads.

I would soon realise that Albert was TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

But even worse MY REPORTS GO STRAIGHT IN THE BIN GODDAMNIT!

and then after many months of this cruel and unusual torture

id finally crack.

I would sneak in early and put dead fish and lumps of steak in the air conditioning system and i would put laxatives in the company food and dissolve viagra in the water supply.

i would bare my buttocks at Wobble, perform terrible dance routines, and sing soul destroying songs unheard of since the 1980s

I would even sneak swearwords into my reports and distribute pictures from Denoirs shady past in the vegetable sex industry

Then later in the day id let myself be caught by security

and Albert would say 'BWAHAHAHAHA haha

hohohohoh Gne hehehe Bluhuhuhuha

'you will pay for this puny englishman, I laugh heartily at your pathetic resistance to my globalised business plan for world domination and unrivalled profit margins'

and id heroicly shout back at Albert

' You can take our Pension Plans and stylish office stationary

with revealing pictures of porn stars on them (Silvia Saints particularly good) you can force our women from our beds (even Sadicos) to yours with your massive......fortunes

but you cant take our FREEEEEDDOOOOOOOMM!!!!! '

and then my head would be chopped off.

probably

[Albert Schweitzer 10]

I think I would exercise my speeches in front of a mirror for hours!

I would always say" sir, I dont know, but we got a specialist for this specific area of business, please hold the line"

I would constantly promise clients we could do anything they want. BUT WE CANT

I would constantly ask the company to invest into new equipment even though our revenue never covers our costs!

I would be thrown out of the company after 3 months for sexual harassment of my secretary!

[Cloney 0]

You forgot that we need to tell our customers that the release date for Cloperation Smashpoint: Fesistance will be released on a certain date and then release it two weeks later because "the CD people were slow"

[Grey Fox 0]

I'll probably be just a grunt

Haven't been around enough to post lately

Theres gotta be some sort of white coller work i can do

[Jester983 0]

Id be Gopher Boy. Go for this Go for that. Go get us all lunch etc etc. Also id be the company Jester..running around doing funny/stupid stuff that gets me hurt in some odd way.

Yea life would be good if we were all in a company...and as long as i get payed OVER minimum wage....

[Blink Dog 0]

Oh boy you people really set yourselves up for a doosie this time.

First off if this forum was a business, it wouldn't last 20 seconds in the real world. You people are hopeless and weak.

Second if it did last more than 20 seconds it would only re-affirm my opinion that humans are doomed and we should just nuke the world. Fire Cleans ALL!!!

[Harnu 0]

I'll do what I do best in any company. I'll do the dirty work.. heh heh heh. But, I found I have not bad marketing skills. Maybe take North American marketing? Or I can be the runner. Or just the misc. guy. I'll do a little bit of everything

[Warin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Blink Dog @ July 06 2002,23:13)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Oh boy you people really set yourselves up for a doosie this time.

First off if this forum was a business, it wouldn't last 20 seconds in the real world. You people are hopeless and weak.

Second if it did last more than 20 seconds it would only re-affirm my opinion that humans are doomed and we should just nuke the world. Fire Cleans ALL!!!<span id='postcolor'>

And you're a dumbass...

Obviously you have no sense of humour, or you would have realized that this isnt even remotely a serious thread. See up at the top where it says 'Offtopic'? Ever consider that means things will be a little light hearted?

And I've seen companies that are far more fubar than the people in this thread are that do quite well.

[Major Fubar 0]

The quiet guy who gets fired and comes back with an automatic weapon.  

[timmy 0]

anyone seen office space(its the damn funniest movie ever made)

if you have seen it id like to be like the main charactar, peter, and just do nothing.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Peter-I dont think im gonna go anymore.

Girlfriend- So your quiting?

Peter- No........Im just not gonna go.<span id='postcolor'>

If you haven't seen it, go rent it.

[Guest]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">

<span id='postcolor'>

lol Fubar  

[Aculaud 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (timmy @ July 06 2002,23<!--emo&)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">anyone seen office space(its the damn funniest movie ever made)

if you have seen it id like to be like the main charactar, peter, and just do nothing.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Peter-I dont think im gonna go anymore.

Girlfriend- So your quiting?

Peter- No........Im just not gonna go.<span id='postcolor'>

If you haven't seen it, go rent it.<span id='postcolor'>

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Code Sample </td></tr><tr><td id="CODE">We're the dumbest criminals in the world. We're looking up money laundering in the dictionary!<span id='postcolor'>

[second_draw 0]

I would be the part of the other part of the company which no-one knows about yet seems to keep the company afloat by methods unknown (yes, legal + illegal). With a member of the goverments tax organisation permanetly stationed in this other part of the company, there has been rumours going around for some 10 years now that eventual there will be an goverment raid. The only known existance of this other part of the company is that every year at the company party there is always missing rented equipment and drinks.

[Espectro (DayZ) 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Harnu @ July 07 2002,01:27)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I'll do what I do best in any company.  I'll do the dirty work.. heh heh heh.  But, I found I have not bad marketing skills.  Maybe take North American marketing?  Or I can be the runner.  Or just the misc. guy.  I'll do a little bit of everything   <span id='postcolor'>

You can be my personal milker

m0000000000000

[RedStorm 0]

I can be the badass company hitman, killing placebo for moving people around or firing them and ofcourse generally killing everything for money (30% discount on cows btw).