The story.

[Aculaud 0]

........There he was. "Oh my god, its the almighty.........!"

[Oligo 1]

....Oligo, who was in reality the agent in charge of the virtual reality kept by the Starbuckian dreadlords. The dreadlords had imprisoned the analysts (the only humans left alive) to the virtual reality copy of Earth for interrogation purposes. Oligo just pretended to be a janitor.

[Aculaud 0]

"God dammit, stop talking about yourself in the third person. If youre going to follow us, just get in the damn car and come with us!" Said Frank, an anylist. With that, they drove off to meet with Aculaud.

[Oligo 1]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">By Aculaud: Not just yet. First we need to figure out who IceFire and Aculaud are. They are the mysterious beings that sent them."<span id='postcolor'>

"I believe it is you, who started to speak about thyself in the third person" I (?) said. "Anyway I ain't going to get into no cars with some analists. No sir", I then pointed out and climbed to my nice Dodge Viper. I utilized this fine automobile to follow the analist Frank and his 'friend' around, reporting to the Starbuckian Dreadlords in the process.

[Aculaud 0]

What Oligo didnt know was that the anylists had a radio signal intercepter built into the AM radio. The conversation between Oligo and the starbuckians couldnt be heard very clearly, but enough to make out

"......Oh, your kinky!......Ewww, you know i cant slap it THAT hard, you big silly buns......no, youre my bitch.........no, no, no, youre MY bitch........Oh, you want me to do it hard, huh?......I dont think i can throw it THAT far, but i'll try........Oh, yes sir! I'll obey your every command,....Daddy!.......I'll be your little chew toy!.....Just be sure to put me back in the barn WET!.........As wet as you can get me!......

[Oligo 1]

When I noticed that Frank the analist was listening to some porn channel with his radio, thinking that he was eavesdropping my exchange with the dreadlords, I despaired at the stupidity of these humans. Thus I promptly blew my head off with a pistol, grinded myself through a coffee grinder, burned the remains and scattered the ashes to outer space, where they were promptly evaporated by cosmic radiation. So I was utterly dead and gone.

Meanwhile Frank and his 'friend'...

[USSoldier11B 0]

Poindexter, Frank's lab assistant slaps him upside the head and says,

"This shit is gross change the radio station. AH! Here we go!"

Both sing along:

"gonads and strife, gonads and strife, gonads and strife!"

Meanwhile Oligo is babbling to the plastic Buzz light year figurine which he thinks is a dreadlord communicator that is epoxyed to the dashboard of his "supposed" Viper. Not paying attention to where he is going Oligo runs into the back of a....

[Oligo 1]

...paradox, since I can't do shit, since I'm dead (and perfectly happy that way).

[USSoldier11B 0]

Pardox indeed as USSoldier11B stops the music and slaps Oligo upside the head with a two foot length of polska kilbasa. I think perhaps the vertices of our posts crossed due to a simultaneous entry in the official forum time continuum.

anyway......

Frank and Poindexter now being free of the undercover dreadlord agent are free to rendevous with the mightly Aculaud in the Delta quadrant.

"The hardest part will be sneaking in the pixy commando

legion for the surprise attack on the Starbuckian stronghold."

Says Frank as they enter the mirky atmosphere of Aculaud's homeworld.

"I know we can....

[Aculaud 0]

"........Figure out how we got to another planet in a road vehicle!........"

[USSoldier11B 0]

"Jeepers Frank didn't you know that this '67 Impala SS comes standard with jet assisted take off and hypredrive? Look, it's even got cupholders."

[Aculaud 0]

And on they drove down the quad lane highway deeper and deeper into the mysterious world, keeper of the wise and vegan sharpshooter. The fog was so intense, they could barely see for one hundred yards. It was grey and moist. Almost ghostly. The place had a sense of being war torn, and now it was calm after all sides were finally dead. Buildings seemed lifeless. Open doors of strip mall stores and department buildings flapped open and shut in the wind. Cars lay about, burning and broken. The sizzle of rain on a flaming engine was a crescendo.

"I could see how this place could breed a sniper." Frank commented. "It feels like one would surely have to know how to survive here. I wonder how he stays vegan?"

They continued down the highway, and all of a sudden, they saw headlights.......four of them coming toward them. The vehicle abruptly came into view as it skidded to a halt. The next thing they heard was "COFFEE!!!........er...BEANS......M-M-MOCHA!!!" It was a starbuckian patrol. The guy on the mounted gun looked puzzled as to why they let the driver speak through the loud speaker. The leader of the unit got up through the hatch and spoke. "We're sorry about that. He always gets into our industrial cappuccino. ahem...We are starbuck agents! Exit your vehicle, and place your hands over your he-!" a loud *KRACK* rang out and the leaders head shot forward as he flew out of the vehicle. The gunner whipped around to look behind him, but saw nothing. *KRACK* another shot rang out knocking the gunner off the car. *Fwoosh    KA-BOOM* the armored starbuck vehicle exploded as a rocket hit it from somewhere on high.

A few figures were seen running toward the wreckage, their flashlights were like lasers in the early morning fog. The one leading the pack looked as though pieces of torn material were bunched up hanging off him. He slung his rifle as he saw his pals had the situation under control, and walked over the the anylists. "Are you guys ok?" Said Aculaud.....

[Oligo 1]

A voice of God boomed from the clouds: "Thou shalt not make up bragging bullshit of thyself in third person, Aculaud! Or my divine wrath shalt be focuseth upon thee!"

[USSoldier11B 0]

Poindexter glares at Frank and says,

"Quit talking through that toilet paper tube. You're giving me the creeps."

[Espectro (DayZ) 0]

"Screw you", Frank replied, and in that very moment, a flyinf c0w hit their bumper...

Frank yelled, "Oh NO!! the c0ws are invading!!!!!!"

[nordin dk 0]

And now it dawned on them what the trousers were for. Noone had taken the trousers seriously, and now earth was going to pay the price.

Every minute of every hour, clear signals had been recieved by the trousers, describing the imminent invasion of The Flying Cows. But none had bothered to listen.

This first event, later dubbed "The Battle of the Buttered Bumper" was the first in a line of lactid moohtilations and bovine bombings that would shock the planet in months to come.

Had it not been for the intergalactic peace keeping force of starbuckian elite forces...

[ChickenHawk 0]

......... Then the whole world would be forced to drink coffee. As they were former employers at Starbucks who had realised the supernatural qualities of their brand.

Mallory and Miller had taken a break just after their show, but now with the threat of alien invasion they knew they had to get the CD to a computer, it could be the key to winning the war. Fortunately the tank commander was nearby. He had been able to overthrow the evil beaver emperor and steal his superhuey while no-one was watching. He now had a potential space vehicle, a tank and an army of genetically engineered beavers at his disposal.

They were ready to go fourth and rescue Frank and Poindexter from the mightly Aculaud in the Delta quadrant.

[nordin dk 0]

And as they pranced and skipped through the Andromeda galaxy, they sang this merry song:

"Help me escape this feelin' of insecurity

I need you so much but I don't think you really need me

But if we all stand up in the name of love

And state the case of what we're dreamin' of

I've got to say I only dream of you

But like a thief in the night you took away the love that I knew

Relight my fire, your love is my only desire

Relight my fire cos I need your love"

After they had song till their throats were dry, Miller looked up at Mallory and

[Oligo 1]

said: "Gimme T, gimme E, gimme C, gimme H, gimme N, gimme O! TECHNO!" Everybody cheered and the tank commander put on some Scooter. So they sang: "Faster, harder, Scooter" and the loudspeakers were screaming 'UTS UTS UTS'. And good times were had by all.

[Aculaud 0]

Aculaud, his spotter, and the AT guy that was with them watched in disappointment....

Aculaud "Jesus........Why techno?........out of all the shit eatin music out there, why this?......ya know?"

Jack(his spotter) "Totally, man.............whatcha thinkin, Ray?"

Ray(AT guy) "I think we should get the hell outa here!"

With that, the three freedom fighters went on their way. Just then, the tank commander got a good look at them and yelled "FIRE FIRE FIRE, THEY'RE RESISTANCE!!!" The tank commander was a starbuckian! Aculaud looked back to see the tanks mighty gun raised at them. "COVER!!!!!" he yelled as they all dove off in different directions as the gun fired and hit right where they were standing! Mallory, Miller and the anylists dove behind their impalla. Aculaud rolled out from the rubble he was behind, aimed quickly and fired. The shot landed right above the tank commanders collar bone into his neck.

Meanwhile, Ray, the AT guy was crawling around to one side. He saw the tank through a viewpoint he had through a burning pickup truck and a dumpster. It looked like it was slowly moving around to where it could ge the good shot at Aculaud. The mighty turret slowly swung over to a pile of rubble that was shaking slightly and fired. The rubble was blown away, but there was no trace of a body. Ray got up to one knee, brought his weapon to his shoulder and fired. The rocket swept over to the tank and hit it with a thunderous explosion. The tank rocked back and forth, and a crew member tried to escape. He crawled from the burning wreckage huffing and puffing with frantic breathing. He crawled around behind a pile of cement scrap for a moment. He paused...He then poked his head out just slightly to see if the coast was clear and *KRACK* a shot rang out. It hit the man in the back with force that knocked over the other side.

"That you!?!" Ray yelled out. "Are you ok?" a voice yelled back. Ray got up slowly, working his way around the rubble to where the tank's wreckage was. He saw a figure moving towards him, putting ammo back into the tell-tale silhouette of a scoped rifle. "The tanks history, man. Wasted it." Ray said. "........Wheres Jack?" said Aculaud "JACK!!...........JACK!!" they both yelled searching for him. ".....Oh, shit...............Found him!" Ray said. Aculaud jogged over. It was jack...Bleeding from the head, leg missing, and a sign post through his torso. He was dead.

"Alright, thats enough death for now. They're probably watching this place now. We have to get back." Ray nodded, and followed his comrade. "Hey, wait a minute!" One of the anylists yelled. "We have come all this way looking for you. May we come with you?" Aculaud paused for a moment..."Sure. Youre gonna have to ditch yer wheels though, roadblocks are everywhere." The anylists, Mallory and Miller caught up with the two resistance fighters, and on they walked back to the bunker...

[DarkLight 0]

But they didn't know DarkLight was waiting for them, somewhere in the bushes, 300 meters away, DarkLight was looking through his scope, carefully waiting for his shot. Finally he pulled the trigger, kaboom, the gun fired and hit one of them right in the back of his head. Brains flew all over the place while the rest of the guys searched for cover. None of them knowing the exact location of DarkLight's position (thank god for silencer) they didn't know where to hide. Kaboom, "hide better next time, kid", DarkLight said.

Carefully shooting each one of them he counted the bodies: "Hmmm, one left, where is that piece of ****", he thought.

When suddenly...

ps: i love to mess up the story a bit!

[Aculaud 0]

.......Aculaud came up right behind him and sunk his bayonet into his throat and twisted the blade around. Caughind and wheezing, trying to breath through his own bodily fluids, he died in a pool of his own blood.....And then Mallory put his hand on Aculauds shoulder and said "Hey....You ok?" Aculaud responded startled, his eyes shot open as he returned to reality. "Whoa....yeah, i'm fine....umm.......i just thought of another route we should take....its a long cut, but theres far more cover. Lets go." "right." Mallory replied. The two resistance fighters walked on, the anylists, Mallory and Miller keeping up behind them....

[DarkLight 0]

Then DarkLight came out of some bushes, walked to the dead body with the knife in his throat, removed his mask and looked in the eyes of a dead farmer. "Ha, idiots" DarkLight said. "The trick with the innocent farmer always works, now that they think i'm dead, they'll never think i'm coming to get them"

He picked up his sniper rifle, reloaded the mag, and followed the guys... Carefully watching them and making sure that nothing and no one would be able to detect him...

[nordin dk 0]

This could have been interesting

[Tex -USMC- 0]

Yes, this has gone downhill somewhat