Favorite simpsons quote

[Die Alive 0]

If i posted one quote per post, then this thread would be 1000 posts long and I'd be an "OFP FAN" by tonight. And this thread would even longer than the Mid East thread! Now that wouldn't be nice, a Simpson's thread being longer than the Mid East thread, would it?

-=Die Alive=-

[advocatexxx 0]

Sure it would. Maybe eventually they'd make it a sticky too, lol... A good place for people to share their favorite quotes. Also please try and understand that favorite quotes do not necessarily have to be funny.

Lisa: "Nuke the Whales... You don't really believe that, do you ?"

Nelson: "Gotta nuke something."

[Wreck-It 0]

Hmmmm, doughnuts....

[Die Alive 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (RalphWiggum @ April 16 2002,10:57)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Burns: I think I'll donate 1 million dollars to orphanage today, when pigs fly

(a pig flys over nuclear powerplant. Both Smithers and Burns look shocked. Smithers looks at burns)

Burns: nah!<span id='postcolor'>

C. M. Burns: I think I'll donate 1 million dollars to the local orphanage today... when pigs fly.

[C. M. Burns and W. Smithers laugh]

[pig flys in front of the window, both Burns and Smithers fall silent]

W. Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars to the orphanage today, sir?

C. M. Burns: No, I rather not.

Sorry, but I had to correct it, after I just saw it 1 minute ago on TV.

-=Die Alive=-

[Guest]

After a comet almost wipes out Springfield:

"Let's go burn down the observatory so this will never happen again!"

[madmike 0]

I love the simpsons( not sexualy )

my favourite one is ralph with "me fail english thats unpossible".

short and sweet

[Tovarish 0]

From the episode when Homer becomes a missionary:

"Homer to Jeebus, come in Jeebus.....Oh help me Jeebus!"

-Homer

"Thank you for giving us the gift of shame"

-Natives to Homer

[advocatexxx 0]

Homer:  "You mean...I'm on my own?  I've never been on my own! Oh no... on own... on own! I need help... oh, God, help me, help me, God! *phone rings*.. Yello? "

Man:  "Hello, Homer. This is God...Frey Jones from the tv magazine show "Rock Bottom". We're aware of your problems, and, Mr. Simpson... we want to help."

Homer: Mmm... I saw that report you did on sasquatch. It was fair and even-handed. I'll do it!"

[ralphwiggum 6]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Die Alive @ April 16 2002,23:33)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (RalphWiggum @ April 16 2002,10:57)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Burns: I think I'll donate 1 million dollars to orphanage today, when pigs fly

(a pig flys over nuclear powerplant. Both Smithers and Burns look shocked. Smithers looks at burns)

Burns: nah!<span id='postcolor'>

C. M. Burns: I think I'll donate 1 million dollars to the local orphanage today... when pigs fly.

[C. M. Burns and W. Smithers laugh]

[pig flys in front of the window, both Burns and Smithers fall silent]

W. Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars to the orphanage today, sir?

C. M. Burns: No, I rather not.

Sorry, but I had to correct it, after I just saw it 1 minute ago on TV.

-=Die Alive=-<span id='postcolor'>

Thanx for correction...i pulled every thing form my memory, so it could be bad....

Anyway, here is another one that came to my mind

(Homer is in crane, going down stream in river)

Homer: If you are up there, save me superman!

-Lisa and Egyptian museum exhibit.

-from another episode i can't remember

Homer: Jesus! Buddha! Alah! I love you all!

[nordin dk 0]

Homer:  Aaargh, the bees! They're defending themselves somehow!

_

Moe:  Who would have thought a whale could be this heavy!

_

Master: Approach, my sons.  [they do] You may ask me three questions.

  Apu: That's great, because all I need is one --

Homer: Are you _really_ the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

Master: Yes.

Homer: Really?

Master: Yes.

Homer: You?

Master: Yes.  

[advocatexxx 0]

Hahaha. I remember that episode nording... fucking hilarious ! Homer's stupidity cracks me up.

*Homer being interviewed by Kent Brokman*

Homer: "... Pssss, statistics.... People can come up with statistics to prove anything these days, Kent. 40 percent of people know that."

[nordin dk 0]

One of the sequences that made me laugh the most:

From the episode "Cape Feare"

Agent: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake.  Let's just practise a bit, hmm?  When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."

Homer: Check.

Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer: (stares blankly)

Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.

Homer: I gotcha.

Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer: (stares blankly)

-A long time later-

Agent: (sighs in frustration) Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.

Homer: No problem.

Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson!  (stomps on Homer's foot a few times)

Homer: (stares blankly)

       (to other agent) I think he's talking to _you_.

[Die Alive 0]

Homer Marge, where are the metal do-whickies you use to... dig... food with?

Marge You mean a spoon?

Homer Yeah!

-=Die Alive=-

[Gorgi Knootewoot 0]

<span style='color:brown'><span style='font-size:67pt;line-height:100%'>D'oh</span></span>

Homer: Where is Bart, anyway. His dinner's getting all cold and eaten!

-----

Homer: Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

-----

Homer: Ohhhh, my ox testical has ants on it.

-----

Homer: I'll have you know I wandered off from the tour.

-----

Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.

-----

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

-----

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

-----

Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

-----

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

-----

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

-----

Homer: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!

-----

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

-----

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.

-----

Homer: Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?

-----

Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

-----

Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?

Bart: No thanks dad.

Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.

Grandpa: I'll play catch with you!

Homer: Go home.

-----

and so on.........

[Die Alive 0]

Homer:  Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa:  No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa:  No!

Homer:  Pork chops?

Lisa:  Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer:  Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.

==========================

Homer:  But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home winemaking course and forgot how to drive?

Marge:  That's because you were drunk!

Homer: And how!

==========================

Mr. Plow episode where Homer wrecks his car and has to explain it to the insurance guy:

Insurance Guy : "O.K, now before I give you the check, I have just one more question. That place Moe's you were coming back from, that is a buisness of some sort..."

Homer Brain : "Don't say you were at a bar. BUT what else is open at night?"

Homer : "I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography."

Homer Brain : "Hehe, I would a never thought of that."

==========================

Best quote ever

"You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN!"

[Frizbee 0]

Worst Episode Ever, rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust.

[advocatexxx 0]

I'm only adding this post to keep this topic from being indexed on page 3 of the "Offtopic" board

*After Ned Flanders notices his garden flowers are gone, he looks over the fence and sees Homer building a parade float*

Ned: Hey there. Couldn't help but notice you picked pretty much all my flowers.

Homer: Can't make a float without flowers.

Ned: Heh, sure enough..... But did you have to salt the Earth so nothing would ever grow again ?

Homer: Heh heh heh heh heh heh ................. Yea.

[second_draw 0]

From episode where bart becomes an evangelist

Homer: I se the light... and it burns (covers face)

From episode where homer gets a hair transplant i think in the haloween specials

Doctor: This gas mask is to make this operation seem like a dream (punches homer in the face and the doctor puts on the gas mask)

From episode where teachers go on strike

bart: (whispering into protesters ear) I heard that principle skinner said that the teachers are going to break any moment now (message is passed on to the front of the line in whispers until it reachs the front of the line and the protester tell the the main teacher)

Protester: I heard that principle skinner that the teachers are going to break any moment now purple monkey dishwasher.

[sgtvor 0]

Ralph Wiggum: These berries taste like....burning.

Vor.

[Warin 0]

I bent my wookie

Ralph Wiggum

I dont know why, but this simple quote sends my friends off the deep end. I gues it's because we read in maxim once that 'grooming the wookie' is a term for self-love.

Gives the comment a rather twisted concept, wouldnt you say?

Wahahahaha.

[Jester983 0]

Heres one. (might not be too accurate so plz correct me if you know the whole thing)

Doctor: Doctor Nick, you been charged with performing surgery with a knife and fork.

Dr Nick: But I clean them with my napkin.

Man: Theres a patient in ER and he damands a quack.

Dr Nick:Hi everybody! Now tell dr nick where it hurts.

Grandpa Simpson: Im itchy! I got an itch in my pants. Im discombobulated! Help me!

Dr Nick:Hmmm. The symptoms you describe to me refer to Boness eruptiss, where the skeleton tries to leep out of the mouth.

Grandpa Simpson:Now your talking!

Dr Nick: Well need 50ccs of morhpine.(something like that)

Man: Doctor I cant do that!

Dr Nick: No! man theres no time! Well have to improvise (takes electric wire from lamp and cuts it in two and shocks grandpa simpson)

Dr Nick: Keep doing that every 30 seconds...

Doctor: Doctor Nick consider the charges droped.

Dr Nick: Wooo hooo! Free Nose jobs for everybody! Ehhhh you first....

Grandpa Simpson's friend: give me a van hallen (something like that)

[Assault (CAN) 1]

Lionel Hutz: 'Uh oh, we've drawn judge Snyder'

Marge: 'Is that bad?'

Lionel Hutz: 'well he's had it in for me ever since I kind of ran over his dog'

Marge: 'you did?'

Lionel Hutz: 'Well, replace the word 'kind of' with the word repeatedly and word 'dog' with son'

Tyler

[Assault (CAN) 1]

Groundskeeper Willie: 'ach, If elected Mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your town to cinders'

Man: (whispering) 'the mics on'

Groundskeeper Willie: 'I know it's on'

Tyler

Assault (CAN)

Member

Group: Members

Posts: 666

Joined: Jan. 2002

[DeathShrimp 0]

"Now there can only be one Krusty in each territory. So I hope this works out. Tell me where you're from...."

"Georgia", "Texas", "Brooklyn", "Russia", "New Hampshire", "Homer!"

"Ok, we'll start off with the baggy...wuh? Those are supposed to be baggy pants! Baggy!"

"When the wealthy dowager comes in, the parties over right? Wrong!" [throws pie at old woman who hits the wall]

[Homer taking notes] "Kill..wealthy..dowager"

- Krusty & prospective clowns

[The Simpsons - S06E15 - Homie The Clown]

[DeathShrimp 0]

ooh and this one...

Lionel Hutz "Well I didn't win, here's your pizza"

Marge "But we did win..."

Lionel Hutz "That's OK, the box is empty!"