advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Now, one at a time fellas. ---------- Homer: "If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girl sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 16, 2002 If god is so great, can he make burrito so hot that even himslef get burned? - Homer's question to Flanders(recent episode) she was kissing better version of me! -Homer, seeing Marge kissing Arty Ziff, Marge's former boyfriend(2 days ago) Lisa: Dad, you can't judge ppl by where they live! Bart: Yeah, that's what they do in Russsia! -When Simpsons are going to New York to recover Homer's car Marge: woooo! look! Robert Downey Jr. is in shoot out with cops! Bart: yeah, but where's the camera? -When simpsons goto Hollywood with Mel Gibson Admiral:So, Homer, what do you want in your life? Homer: Peas Admiral: yes, we all want peace, but how do you get it? Homer: with knife(picks some peas from center of table with knife) Admiral: Exactly! Homer, you are like son I never had. Homer, and you are like father I never visit. -Homer joins Navy reserve along with Barney and Moe and Apu Kent: well, treason season started early this year when local man Homer Simpson has hijacked a nuclearsub and is heading to Russia (shows photo of Homer in Red Quare, holding Vodka, dancing Russian folk dance) Marge: oh, no Homey! Lisa: I told him that picture would come back to haunt him... -Homer joins the navy and I can quote the whole simpson's episode guide, but i'll save some for others oh, and my sig! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 16, 2002 and more Yale Admin1: well, he spelled 'Yale' with 5 characters Yale Admin2: and he said, I should loose weight. at which point he said 'relax'..and he also said my moto should be 'Semper Fudge' CM Burns: oh...i forgot, it's time for annual donation! how much would that be? (they talk about amounts) Yale Admin2: For Larry, we would ask for an international airport. Yale Admin1: Yale could use an airport! CM Burns: Get out! -Burns meets his son, LArry(played by Rodney Dangerfield) Smithers: How about an epic film to show your true virtue? Heroic, Benevolent... Burns: shut up! But I do like the Idea! Smithers! get Me Spielberg! Smithers: Sir, he's not available right now. Burns: Then get me his mexican, non-union equivalent! (get's a mexican director) Burns: Now, Mr. Spielbergo, I want you to make movie about me. Just like what Spielberg did to Schindler! Spielbergo: But that's hard, Shindler is Buenos, Burns is not. Burns: Look Daemn it! We both had factory, we both made shells for Nazi's but MINE WORKED! -Marge starts Springfield Film Festival Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 16, 2002 Fox Mulder: Look Scully, another unsubstianted UFO sighting in America's Heart Land. (shows news paper with homers picture, reading "Human blimp see alien blimp") Dana Scully: Mulder, we have report of shipment fo illegal firearem coming in tonight Fox Mulder: I hardly believe FBI is concerned with small matters like that! <later in same episode> Alien: I bring you love Dr. Hibert: is that love btw a man and his wife, or love btw man and his best cigar? Alien: umm...i bring you peace! Willy: It says it brings peace! kill it! (crowd tries to kill the alien) Lisa: Wait! you want your alien, this is you alien! (flashes a flashlight on alien's face) Burns: i bring you love Skinner: what is that? Lisa: it's Mr. Burns! Willy: awww..it's Mr. Burns.....kill it! kill it! - from X-files episode (a political ad) Voice: Mayor Quimby, supports revolving door prison. He even let Sideshow Bob out. Can we trust this man? Vote Sideshow Bob. -When Sideshow Bob become's SpringField's new mayor Homer: I always wondered who god was, now I know. It's ME -Stone cutter episode Homer: Hey. look a tme! I'm at Austrailia, I'm at USA, I'm at Austrailia, I'm at USA, I'm at Austrailia, I'm at U.... (Marine guard punches Homer in the face) Marine: Sir! We don't tolerate such crap. Sir! -Simpsons goes to Austrailia Bart: Wow Dad! you took baptism for us! How does it feel? Homer: Oh, Bartholomue, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose if Milan. Ned Flanders: *gasp* Homer, what did you say? Homer: I said shut you ugly face! -social workers take maggie away G Bush: I'll ruin you like Japanese Banquet! -Bushs moves to Springfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Major Fubar 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Mr. Burns: What do you think Smithers? Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix, sir. Mr. Burns: Yes, we all know what you think Principal Skinner: Nibbles, chew through my ball sack! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Assault (CAN) 1 Posted April 16, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">"Human blimp see alien blimp"<span id='postcolor'> I think it was 'Human blimp sees flying saucer', though I could be wrong. A few of my own: Ralph Wiggum: "me fail English, that's unpossible" Lunch Lady: "more testicles mean more iron" Lunch Lady: "there's very little meat in these gym mats" Police Chief Wiggum: "Ok folks, shows over, nothing to see here, shows...OOOOHH MY GOD a horrible plane crash. Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around, don't be shy crowd around" Grandpa Simpson (working at a fast food restaurant drive through): "come in!, come in!, mayday!, I'm losing your transmission.... (angry customer) I said french fries! (Grandpa) what the.... do we sell, F-r-e-n-c-h F-r-i-e-s???" Moe: "Listen to me you, when I catch you, I'm gonna' pull out your eyes and shove em' down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap outta' you. OK?, then I'm gonna' use your tounge to paint my boat!" Homer: " pffft, English?, who needs that?, I'm never going to England" Tyler Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallenPaladin 0 Posted April 16, 2002 LOL I LOVE the simpsons, unfortunately I can only watch them in german. But there they are funny as well! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
R. Gerschwarzenge 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Marge:"The only thing I'm high on is Love for my Son and Daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hilandor 1 Posted April 16, 2002 my favorite quote from simpsons "sorry this program has been cancelled " i hate the little yellow freaks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallenPaladin 0 Posted April 16, 2002 I like the flying barbecue pig that flies across Mr. Burns windows in the episode in which Lisa becomes vegan. No quote, but funny at all! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 *before the start of a bowling game* Lenny: "Hey Homer, what nickname do you want ?" Homer: "Are POO and ASS taken ?" Carl: "Yup" Homer: "Ahhhhhh. Can my life get any worse ?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 16, 2002 "Cause of parents death, 'Got in my way" -Mr. Burns "Stupid sexy Flanders!" -Homer "Hi Lisa, hi super-nintendo Chalmers, I'm learding!" -Ralph "Do not touch Willie. Good advice!" -Homer Lisa "Alright, let's all pick from the chore hat" Homer "Come on bikini inspector!" "What's wrong with this country? Can't a man walk down the street without being offered a job?" -Smithers Homer: "I'm looking for something in an after dinner burrito" Apu: "To pass the time, please enjoy this novelty pen." Homer: "Why would I want to look at a pen wit...oh no! Her clothes are coming off! Heh heh, you know who would like this? Men." Does whisky count as beer? --Homer Simpson Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead. --Homer Simpson Ha ha! Look at this country! ?You are gay!? Ha ha! --Homer Simpson I know you can read my thoughts, boy: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow. --Homer Simpson I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.' --Homer Simpson This is my favorite of all time: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! --Homer -=Die Alive=- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 (so much for "one quote at a time") "IOU one brain." - signed, God Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Homer Quotes In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women! --Homer Simpson Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers. --Homer Simpson It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. --Homer Simpson Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? --Homer Simpson Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat! --Homer Simpson Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! --Homer Simpson Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. --Homer Simpson Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman --and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. --Homer Simpson Trying is the first step towards failure. --Homer Simpson Oh look at me!!! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land, with a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh by the way...I was being sarcastic. --Homer Simpson Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is. --Homer Simpson Read your town charter, boy. ?If food stuff should touch the ground, said food stuff shall be turned over to the village idiot.? Since I don't see him around, start shoveling! --Homer Simpson The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten! --Homer Simpson This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit. --Homer Simpson Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog. --Homer Simpson When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie --Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie, Police Academy. --Homer Simpson Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle. --Homer Simpson -=Die Alive=- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Comic Book Guy: "I would like to return this quote unquote 'ultimate' belt." Clerk: "Okay, do you have a receipt?" CBG: "No I do not, as I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the averege trekker has no use for a medium size belt." Clerk: "Whoa, fat sarcastic Star Trek fan, you must be a real devil with the ladies. Hate to let you down Casanova, but no receipt, no return." CBG: "Ahhhhyyy" Bart: "I'll give you four bucks for it." CBG: "Ahhhh.. Very well. Now I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Major Fubar 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Comic book guy is a great character, even funnier for me because I have a friend who is almost exactly like him in real life... Leaves restaurant with a wheelbarrow full of tacos CBG: Yes, this should provide adequate sustainance for the Dr. Who marathon. CBG: Question: Is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron? Homer: No, it's Homer. CBG: Well then, I would thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, Homer. And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties, I will know that you stole my idea. Homer: I'm just waiting for my kid. Homer's Brain: Mental note: steal his idea. CBG: Er, your attention please. Mr. Simpson will now be autographing 8 by 10 glossies of Poochie. Please form a line, there will be no cutting. I'm talking to you Mr. Cutter. (CBG cuts to the front of the line) CBG: Pardon me. Look out. Pardon me. Excuse me. Hot soup. Hi, can you make one out to me and three out to my friend of the same name. In the wheelbarrow line at Dr. Nick's clinic CBG: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. CBG: But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills, you're from two different worlds. (CBG sees missile approaching) CBG: Oh, I've wasted my life. Woman: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard and you're on. CBG: Don't try to change me baby. CBG: I insist you take special care with my collection of valuable and humorous bumper stickers, particularly this one (he indicates a sticker which reads "My Other Car Is A Millennium Falcon") which was given to me by a Harrison Ford lookalike. Other bumper stickers The Truth Is In Here I Brake For Tribbles Kang Is My Co-Pilot My Child Is An Honor Student At Starfleet Academy Keep Honking, I'm Charging My Phaser Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shabadu 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Nice thread but it's a shame to see so many people butchering classic quotes from the simpsons. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 16, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (FallenPaladin @ April 16 2002,10:23)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I like the flying barbecue pig that flies across Mr. Burns windows in the episode in which Lisa becomes vegan. No quote, but funny at all! Â <span id='postcolor'> Burns: I think I'll donate 1 million dollars to orphanage today, when pigs fly (a pig flys over nuclear powerplant. Both Smithers and Burns look shocked. Smithers looks at burns) Burns: nah! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Hey, I didn't butcher anything, I just copy and pasted them from some website, so IF there's any problem with my quotes, your beef are with the owners of those websites. -=Die Alive=- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tovarish 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Heh, ok I'll be good and post just one quote, this one's one of my all time faves: "If you don't like your job, you don't strike!! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed!!" -Homer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 16, 2002 Marge: Homer, the plant called, they say if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday. Homer: Woohoo! Four day weekend! -=Die Alive=- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 LOL ! I think what he meant by butcher is that despite my request to post one quote or dialogue at once, some of you posted long lists. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 16, 2002 sorry...but as soon as i saw the post, i coudn't help but bring all the great memories... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 LOL ! I think what he meant by butcher is that despite my request to post one quote or dialogue at once, some of you posted long lists. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
advocatexxx 0 Posted April 16, 2002 now why did I post that twice ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
