Stealt Eagle 1 Posted February 22, 2002 It seems like that some ppl in Offtopic think that retro is cool, so i remembered this was on the old forum, and was probably the one thing that made me laugh the most. It was posted by a guy named AJ. Well here it is: Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallenPaladin 0 Posted February 22, 2002 Yeah, I remember that!! That`s great Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hilandor 1 Posted February 22, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Stealt Eagle @ Feb. 22 2002,13:37)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Â Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.<span id='postcolor'> lolol class i like that =] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stealt Eagle 1 Posted February 22, 2002 If u wanna see some really fun movies check this out: http://www.riddleme.com/html/cow.html Don't hope this get's taken by censor: http://www.lizoft.se/test/Dear_Penis.swf Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
General Lag 1 Posted February 22, 2002 Well, the above post, was, äh, duh... Ok, funny it was! Waht goes to the rules. Well, they are somewhat difficult for european people. First off, it seems all to go about the place in front of the garage, most people here don't have their own garage, and there are also realy a lot of people not having a car at all. However, I do know some people here, who are totaly fine with dating their doughter at their home, and go thereafter in to have sex, as long as they can't hear their doughter crying too loud, and no body else is making a visit at this time. It's also ok to eat with the boyfriend breakfast, after the spendt the night with their doughter, and it's ok if no marriage comes afterwards. But of course, most european where not in hanoi, but, almost every swiss man, between 20 and 50 has a full automatic assault riffle at home, wich shoots at a speed of mach 2, and kills even if you shoot somebody in the hand. ( about the older carabiners we don't talk, because you where lucky if they shoot at all ). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bonfire 0 Posted February 22, 2002 it may be a laugh...but i tell you from experience...rules 2,4,6,8 and 9 ...all true Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damage Inc 0 Posted February 22, 2002 This thread is a classic Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stealt Eagle 1 Posted February 22, 2002 Trying to get this goddamn forum to look normal again, goddamn poll spammers Post scriptum: this is not spamming, GOT IT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damage Inc 0 Posted February 22, 2002 It's a good excuse for spamming eh ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nordin dk 0 Posted February 22, 2002 Makes me think of "Meet the parents", man that film had me cringing. ~Gaylord Focker~ P.S. Dear Penis was hilarious. "P.S. Rodney when you shave me, shave my balls..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stealt Eagle 1 Posted February 22, 2002 yea, "Meet the Parents" was really funny, but i couldn't stop feeling bad together with Fuckor. I knew it, we Danes sure do have the same sence of humour Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLight 0 Posted February 22, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Stealt Eagle @ Feb. 22 2002,13:37)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.<span id='postcolor'> Can i use this to put it in my name? I'm gonna put it in my name, let me know if you mind.... thnx Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fenna 0 Posted February 22, 2002 LOL meet the parents is good. lol " it's only a game Focker" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thehamster 0 Posted February 22, 2002 Lmao that was a good topic when the forums were all mine and the rest of the Mighty 5s yep those were the golden days. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damage Inc 0 Posted February 22, 2002 Isn't the Mighty 5 more like the Mighty 6 or something these days? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thehamster 0 Posted February 22, 2002 Well at the moment the were planning are strike on the forum well are plans exclude Placebo are honorary member who is only a member but does not hold a seat on the council of spam. Naa we could have a 1000 members and we still be called the Mighty 5 only 5 council seats you see which are all occupied at the moment. You can of course join the Mighty 5 if you are a class A spammer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stelled Eagle 2 Posted February 23, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Fenna @ Feb. 22 2002,22:56)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">LOL meet the parents is good. lol " it's only a game Focker"<span id='postcolor'> yeah i laughed my ass off when he smashed in slow-motion and hit the bride right in the nose :D:D:D that was too funny Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nordin dk 0 Posted February 23, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Stealt Eagle @ Feb. 22 2002,20:13)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I knew it, we Danes sure do have the same sence of humour<span id='postcolor'> Too bad those damn foreigners will never understand this That is one of the funniest things ever to be produced IMHO. Let's see how many non-danish people find that funny. My guess is none. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
