The story.

[FallenPaladin 0]

Ffeoxurrt Yroogvannngh changed his form and melted together with the black man, while Stella looked in horror at the tv that had imploded. "What will my baby do, when it`s born in future without tv?!?", she thought. A beaver appeared with an evil laughter outside the living room window. The time of the gathering had come...

[Oligo 1]

Then the darndest thing happened, because somebody had added some extra parts to the telly. These extra parts were a lump of plutonium and a container of hydrogen isotopes.

The heat and pressure generated by the implosion of the telly caused the plutonium to attain a critical mass. Neutrons struck the heavy nuclei, which split up and released more neutrons. These neutrons split up more nuclei and soon an exponential fission chain reaction was on in the plutonium. In addition to neutrons, the splitting up of heavy nuclei released energy in the form of heat, light, gamma and other radiation. This radiation stimulated the hydrogen isotopes. The light nuclei sped up more and more, until the speed was enough to overcome the repulsion between nuclei. Some light nuclei fused and released tremendous amounts of energy in the form of radiation (heat, light, gamma, you name it). Pretty soon, a fusion chain reaction swept through the hydrogen isotopes.

Stella, the evil beaver and assorted fuckheads at ground zero vaporized in a split second. As the radiation front (heat and light had the worst impression on people) advanced from the ground zero in the form of an expanding circle, anything caught in it's past was blinded and fried in the same time. Unfortunately, the worst part was still to come. The pressure wave, which the radiation had easily left behind, came next. It swept through anything that did not get blinded or fried. Like a hand of god.

Air convections caused by the tremendous energy release lifted up debris and dust into the air. The ominous form of the mushroom cloud began to form.

The midnight sun was shining upon the city.

[Scorpio 0]

Wow, i didn't know these forum members were as intelligent as i thought, lol.

[Aculaud 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Oligo @ April 30 2002,03:21)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">The midnight sun was shining upon the city....<span id='postcolor'>

....As Casey the huey-borg hovered and watched his destructive creation. He thought to himself "That'll teach them to talk shit about my broadway preformance!" And with that, he flew off into the night, his newly evolved flying super beavers following him. Meanwhile.....

[FallenPaladin 0]

...this day is called the feast of Beaverian:

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,

And rouse him at the name of Beaver.

He that shall live this day, and see old age,

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say 'To-morrow is Saint Beaver:'

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.

And say 'These wounds I had on Beaver's day.'

Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,

But he'll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day: then shall our names.

Familiar in his mouth as household words

Casey the hueyborg, Mallory and Miller,

Brian and Stella, FallenPaladin and Chickenhawk,

Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Beaver Beaverian shall ne'er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember'd;

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition:

And gentlemen everywhere now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Beaver's day.

[second_draw 0]

... the script writer concluded. The producer got up to and congradulated the script writer.

"That was wonderful, it'll be a hit, but how are we going to do the sequel & the prequel & the pointless action movie somewhat related to the original? oh yeah, b.t.w. what drugs were you taking, can i have some? The producer turned around only to realize......

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

Sorry i just read the first page and the last two and i have to say.... WHAT THE <.><.><.><.> IS GOING ON>?$"?$?$"

[Tex -USMC- 0]

...That the script writer was having trouble breathing, but that was probably only because a mutated beaver was hovering next to him, with the now dead script writers esophagus resting between its genetically altered buck teeth...

[Aculaud 0]

.......The producer started to call security but only managed to get out "SEC!!....." before the mutant beaver had pierced his throat with his long, lance-like tongue. Security managed to get there because they heard the scream, but....

[IceFire 0]

Dammit, the only interesting plot of quality and potential that happened here so far was Nordin's last post with the man in black and the alien baby!  

Too bad that got ruined to slush before anything interesting actually could have happened.

[Aculaud 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (IceFire @ May 04 2002,16:04)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Dammit, the only interesting plot of quality and potential that happened here so far was Nordin's last post with the man in black and the alien baby!  

Too bad that got ruined to slush before anything interesting actually could have happened.<span id='postcolor'>

.....The producer said with his last breath. Security, as egotistical as they are, drew their weapons and began to engage the mutant beaver. What they didnt know was....

[Oligo 1]

....how in his lab, a beaver-hating genetic engineer had perfected a virus to end the beaver threat forever. It was a hemorrhagic fever virus targeted to go virulent only in cells having beaver-specific sequences in their DNA. This twisted engineer had laced the tanks of crop-dusters everywhere with his virus, thus the whole world was filled with the virus. The mutant beaver had been infected by the virus, so before the security people could shoot this abomination, the beaver belched blood and died in a fit of convulsions.

There was much rejoichment, when all beavers in the world died a similar death. Also, the virus was very resilient when dormant, so all future beavers raised from the death were bound to catch the virus and die promptly.

[Aculaud 0]

........But a strange glitch in the viruses genetic programming combined with the original mutation given to them by casey the huey borg brought the mutant beaver back to life, along with all his comrades. It rose to its feet as it grew to three times its original size. Its fangs and claws grew to the size of knives.

One security officer raised his weapon to fire, but his arm was severed with one hand as the other went through his torso exposing his spine. The beavers lance like tongue severed another officers leg and then he then finished him off by tearing him in half. He then swatted off the head of the last officer. The beaver then turned and looked directly at.....

[Aculaud 0]

.......a computer in the ditance. The moniter flickered indicating that the power was still on. He walked over to it and clicked The Button!!!

[nordin dk 0]

...but nothing happened.

"This is odd", thought the author, who had been expecting the story to take yet another peculiar turn at the push of that button.

"Perhaps", he then thought, "something is happening, but in such a way that I do not feel it?"

"Somewhere where I cannot see, hear, smell, touch or taste it, something extraordinary is happening. That must be it"

"Somewhere far away, somewhere exotic".

He closed his bespeckled eyes and leaned back in his chair. He breathed slowly through his nose, and imagined a marble beach blurring and dancing in the tropical heat.

But as he so dreamed, he negated his own idea, for something had happened, only it had happened inside him. By a bizarre coincidence, his dream of beaches and sunbeams caused a chemical known as hypodermaclutosis to emerge from his petuetary gland, and this chemical again triggered receptors in thousands and thousands of nano-robots in his blood. These receptors clicked imperceptible digital clicks and thus every robot suddenly knew what to do.

Every robot knew all of a sudden, that it was to be part of a larger robot, and it knew that this robot was to be assembled in a part of the authors body, known to the robots only as "Sector Xc45-8", or 100101010 0101101 10011 to be more specific. To the author, this part of his body was known as the right testicle.

Within the next few days, he would experience a growing itch in said testicle, and he would scratch himself more and more furiously, till the point where he was thrown out of his local postoffice monday morning.

On monday afternoon he decided to investigate this cursed scratching, and soon discovered an area slightly swollen on the backside of the testicle.

As he stroked it and poked it, suddenly a sharp black needle protruded from the swelling. It grew longer and longer as it emerged from his testicle, and moments later a shining, ebony-black sowing needle lay on his pillow next to his testicle.

"The scratch is gone is gone", he thought, "but what the hell is this?"

Then he heard a delicate voice from the needle. The voice actually emerged from tiny speakes on the head of the needle.

This is what the author heard the delicate voice say:

<span style='color:blue'>"Use me to sow a pair trousers. When the trousers are complete they will grant whoever wears them the ability to recieve and understand all messages emitted from the planet of VHhedrcxxxoply in the tetra quadrant of this galaxy."</span>

The author, by making the snap decision to sow the trousers instead of going insane, unknowingly saved the lifes of billions of innocent earthlings.

And here's why:

[IceFire 0]

Finally, something interesting is coming out of this damn thread!

[Aculaud 0]

IceFire, this is supposed to be story only. You cant just post anything you want here. Ask everyone else.

[Oligo 1]

Such were the first messages to come out of the trousers. It took years to analyze just what the mysterious tansmissions 'Icefire: Finally, something interesting is coming out of this damn thread.' and 'Aculaud: IceFire, this is supposed to be story only. You cant just post anything you want here. Ask everyone else.' had meant. But finally the analysts succeeded...

[Aculaud 0]

......in making a decent cappuccino! "Fuck, whos idea was it to not include an instruction manual in this damn thing!?" "Beats me, Frank. Ya think we should get back to decrypting those messages yet?" "Not just yet. First we need to figure out who IceFire and Aculaud are. They are the mysterious beings that sent them." "Already done that. It seems IceFires real name is Jupaducockous mollockous fungi. He lives on the planet Blogalogalog 14609. Aculaud, interestingly enough, is........."

[USSoldier11B 0]

"a vegetarian life form from the Delta quadrant of the Seattlian System. An oppressed world that is covered in constant gloom and ruled by homosexual Starbuckian dreadlords."

"Obviously this is some kind of distress call! We must dispatch a reactionary force quickly. We must act quickly or....

[Aculaud 0]

"We'll miss our chance to learn his great wisdom! Between cripled people turning into half-man half-viet-nam-era-chopper-cyborgs, mutant beavers that kill everything in sight, homosexual starbuckian dreadlords, techno listening tank commanders, alien babies, bad horror\comedy movies, satanists, conspiracy and a whole lot of shit getting blown up in between all of that, we need someone brave and wise enough to lead our legion of....."

[USSoldier11B 0]

"testosterone deprived pixy commandos. We need a crack shot that can show these boys how to shoot the dick off of a mosquito. Once the Starbuckian dreadlords are defeated the pixy commandos will have the courage to reclaim thier long lost testicles from the mantle on which thier wives have been keeping them."

[Oligo 1]

All talk and such crap was interrupted by the clever pre-emptive strike by the Starbuckian dreadlords. They had foreseen the emergence of human resistance thousands of years before it actually happened and thus had launched a black hole to an intercept course with the sun. Unfortunately for humankind, it hit.

The hole plowed into the sun. It wasn't a big black hole, but still it massed more than sun itself. Matter struck the event horizon, only to be sucked in forever. Soonish, the material of the sun began a death spiral towards the hellish whirlpool of death. The spiraling motion heated the matter to ultra high temperatures, which in turn led to the matter giving out incredible amounts of hard radiation. This radiation, still outside the event horizon of the black hole, spread to all directions. Unfortunately, Earth was on the way.

The poor globe just fried. Everything organic burned, the atmosphere was blown away, the seas boiled and evaporated. Rock itself was first fused to a terribly beutiful plain of glass, before the overwhelming radiation storm just raked the whole mass of Earth to plasma, speeding aways from the sun turned a killer. Similar fate met the other planets of the solar system.

Before long, all matter of the solar system was gone. Either it was blown away by the radiation or it had been sucked into the hell mouth of the black hole. All that remained was the hole itself, totally invisible now to a casual observer, except for the gravity lensing effect that played the light of the distant stars and galaxies to strangely warped kaleidoscopic forms.

Needless to say, everybody was fucking dead.

[Aculaud 0]

"Just one of the many possible hazzards to come if we dont get there and meet with Aculaud." Said Oligo, one of the janitors in the anylists' lab. "Your absolutely right, boy. We really need to recruite you one of these days. But in the mean time, someone has to clean the toilets, and we sure as hell arent going to. Now, to the analysis mobile!"

[USSoldier11B 0]

Whilst faithful custodial artesian Oligo was busy making porcelain sparkle our heros had stopped at the nearest Seven Eleven to pick up some cheese drenched , jalepeno laden nachos and blue raspberry slurpees when all of the sudden....