Die Alive 0 Posted April 23, 2002 "You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks." Â Chef My mom said there's a lot of black people in Africa." Â Cartman Cartman: Dude, I'm sorry for all those times I called you a dumb Jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew. Kyle: Yes I am Cartman! I am a Jew. Cartman: No dude, don't be so hard on yourself. "Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage." Cartman "Democrats piss me off." Â Cartman "Well, you know, you'll just be sitting there minding your own business, then they'll come in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass. And you'll be like, HEY! Get out my ass you stupid rainbows!" Â Cartman "Ehhh, eh, anyway Kenny, Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments for a year or two." Cartman "I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" Â Cartman "Ok. That does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going into or coming out of my ass?!" Â Cartman "My mom said that if you want to become a lesbian, you have to lick carpet." Â Â Cartman "Don't mind him, he's a very disturbed little boy." Â Cartman "If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, HEY! Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!" Â Â Cartman "Why does this happen every month? It seems like right about the same time every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something, and I always end up getting screwed by it!" Â Cartman "Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!" Â Cartman "Oh yeah, that's right. I don't think 8 year olds drink beer." Ned "Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go, Goddammit! That's a big fat ass!" Â Kyle "Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like DUDE! I found this triangle, and my friends were like DUDE! And I was all DUDE!" Â Kyle "I'm not gay you dumbass. I just act that way to get chicks." Â Mr. Garrison "You need to hold the baby by the legs, not the head! What kind of sick weirdo are you?!" Â Â Mr. Garrison "That's right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Frederick Douglass and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France . . . " Mr. Hat "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." Â Â Mr. Garrison "Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a saaad panda." Sexual Harassment Panda Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IsthatyouJohnWayne 0 Posted April 23, 2002 Sexual Harrasment Panda hehehhee Jimbo- Hunting sober is like fishing, sober. Now you see that Stan, now thats a dirty little bastard. Cartman- Heh, He's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitly doing something to his ass. Saddam Hussein - Hey relax fella, take a bath, chill out, im not hiding any bombs! Satan- Saddam, why do you always make love to me from behind?' Very buttock orientated.- id say Trey and the other guy have some ......issues DRUGS ARE BAD ! MmmmKkkAAAAayY? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLight 0 Posted April 23, 2002 "There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college!"~Chef when the "kids" ask about anything that has something to do with, sex, drugs,...~ I really like this one, i bet yall know what that little trick is to make some poor guy piss in his bed, you know, putting his hand in cold water This is based on it. *Cartman and his friends sleeping somewhere, everyone's awake with exception of one guy* Cartman comes up with the great idea to make the guy piss in his pants by doing that "great" trick. Cartman: (after putting the guy's hand in the water) "Ok, you guyz, now we need to piss on him" It might seem a bit stupid when you read this, but i can guarantee you that when you see this on TV, you can't stop laughing. Aaaaah, you just gotta love cartman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLight 0 Posted April 23, 2002 Cartman to kyle: You fucking jew! Mr Garrison: CARTMAN DON'T SAY THE F WORD!!! Cartman: What? Jew? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damage Inc 0 Posted April 23, 2002 That "merry f#"king Christmas" song was pretty good. Had to use those symbols though because the moderators would jump on me from their treehouse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 23, 2002 The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmut and he spits in your eye." Â Cartman "DUDE, THAT IS NOT COOL!!! CHOPPING OFF WEE-WEES IS NOT COOL!!!" Â Cartman How can I resist an ass so great!?!" Â Tweek "It is only an ass. You must overcome the ass with your mind!" Â Sumo Master Let the mysterious ways of our people show you a new way of tampons!" Â Cheech and Chong "Your mother is what we Indians call, 'Bear With Wide Canyon'" Â Indian Chief "We don't say fuck at the table asshole!" Â Kenny's Dad Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 23, 2002 oh my god! they killed kenny! YOU BASTARD!!! oh my god! they killed kenny! (sudden silence) ......i'm not gonna say anything! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damage Inc 0 Posted April 23, 2002 Gotta buy...chinpokomon Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warin 0 Posted April 23, 2002 Cartman: Maybe she'll let you kiss her Kenny: Mwah mwah wah mwah wah Kyle: How do you know she has a cat, Kenny? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 23, 2002 here are some other quotes, not from the show, but from outside sources... Mr. Garrison: Alright kids, settle down. we have very special guest today to tell us all about Thanksgiving! all the way from pagan state of california, Mr. Jay Leno! Stan: Wow, check out his chin! Kenny:iff fff fiff sissdfif Stan: Kenny wants to know if that is your real chin or you had silicon implant. Leno: alright kids, very funny. but believe me there isn't a chin joke you can tell me that i already haven't heard of. ok? so let's just stop. Kyle: i bet he goes through about 40 razors when he shaves. Stan: do you claim your chin as oversized baggage on plane? Cartman: do you put your chin in baby chair when you drive? snip.. stan: i'm thankful for cable television, cuz you can say words like ---- --- and kiss my --- and. kyle: yeah! you can say words like ------- here you bastards. Cartman: how about why don't you wrap a towel around your ------- cuz you look like a monkey Leno: wow wow wow...mr.Garrison, do you let them talk this way in school? Mr.Garrison: oh i can't control them..those little ----say what ever --- they want. snip Cartman: i'm tahnkful fr suffing and pass(?) Stan: you wouldn't say that fat ass! Cartman: I'm not fat! i'm big-boned! Stan: no, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned, you are a big fat ass! Cartman: you son of a -----! i'm gonna kick you in nuts! snip wow! if pilgrims had Jay Leno's chin, they could have plowed their fields with it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Die Alive 0 Posted April 23, 2002 My favorite ep is Sex Education, where at the beginning, the kids are "beating off" the dog to get it to "milk". Â That was so funny. Â Later in the episode, Mr. Garrison is teaching kindergarteners about sex. Â He starts on how to put on a condom with your mouth, using a dildo on the table in front of kindergarteners! Â Then he's going over the sexual positions: Mr.Garrison: Alright children I want to review the differnt sexual positions. Â Who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about? Kid: Missionary position. Mr.Garrison: Missionary position, good, a little borning but tried and true. Â What else? Kid: Doggie. Mr.Garrison: Â That's right, doggie style we went over. Â What else? Kid: Â Pile Driver. Mr.Garrison: Uhum, Pile driver position, good. Kid: The Filthy Sanchez Mr.Garrison: Yes, good Gloria, you remembered the Filthy Sanchez. Kid: Hot Karl. Mr.Garrison: Yes, you can give your partner the old Hot Karl. -=Die Alive=- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted April 23, 2002 Cartman (talking in his sleep): Oh my God... Hippies... Hippies all around me... oh they piss me off... they wanna save the world, but all they do is sit around, smoke pot and smell bad... goddammit... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tovarish 0 Posted April 23, 2002 "...that was beautiful dude!" "did it work?" "Nope...they're leaving" "HEY YOU SCRAWNY ASSED <BLEEP> What the f<bleep> is wrong with you? I mean you must be some kind of <bleep> to be able to ignore a crying child!" "Whoa dude!" "You know what you f<bleep> like! You like to <bleep>!! and <bleep>!! and <bleep>!! and <bleep>!! and <bleep>!!! "...hey Wendy, what's a <bleep>?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Antichrist 0 Posted April 24, 2002 Watching porn on the internet Kyle: Hey its Cartmans mum *laughs* Cartman: Fuck you Stan: Hey........ it is Cartman's mum............ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tovarish 0 Posted April 24, 2002 Not exactly a South Park quote but it reminded me....I went to see it in theaters with a friend who was 16 at the time, and as were leaving the theatre, right in the middle of a big crowd, he turns to me and says "so what IS a clitoris?". boy I've hardly ever seen so many people laugh at one person, me incluided, I had to drag him the hell outta there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WKK Gimbal 0 Posted April 24, 2002 </span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Antichrist @ April 24 2002,02:55)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Watching porn on the internet Kyle: Hey its Cartmans mum *laughs* Cartman: Fuck you Stan: Hey........ it is Cartman's mum............<span id='postcolor'> ... on the cover of Crackwhore Magazine Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphwiggum 6 Posted April 24, 2002 another version i rememebr is.. Kyle: Sick! Stan: is it cartman's mom? Cartman: oh very funny Kyle: it IS cartman's mom. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted April 24, 2002 See, we told you she's on the cover of Crackwhore Magazine! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tovarish 0 Posted April 24, 2002 Cartman: "Mom!! Kitty's being a dildo!" Cartman's mom: "Ohh! Well I know one little kitty whos' going to bed with mommy tonight" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tex -USMC- 0 Posted April 24, 2002 Cartman: Screw you guys, Im going home! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Antichrist 0 Posted April 24, 2002 Ok sorry! My quote wasn't 100% correct but at least u've got an idea what i was talking about Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
