A Soldiers Story

[bmgarcangel 0]

I restarted the begining, soon its about to get into some real detail and dialogue ;)

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The night had arrived finally in the streets of Saigon.  People where going home, the nightlife had begun, and soldiers of the United States Marine Corps partied it out in some of the best bars around town.  Laughter could be heard all up and down the streets where most of the soldiers would head.  Asian Prostitutes lingered on the side of the road waiting for their night and shining armor to come whisk them away and with an added bonus of a hundred or so bucks.  Shops started closing down and locking up, families were heading home; the city was left up to the marines for another night of fun.

I walked along the street with my two best friends, Private West, craziest man you'll ever know with a gun, and Private Miller, the smartest you'll ever know with a gun.  Passing a prostitute on the road Miller let out a huge whistle that echoed off the buildings all around the town for everyone to hear, making the women smile and she seemed to blush a little bit.  

"Damn this place is nice;. good looking women, good food, good bars;can't think of anything better," Miller said with a big grin on his face, still eying the prostitute behind us.  " I mean what could be better?"

"Nothing, we just got here a month ago ok?  This month has been pretty calm so far, just like the rest of the boys said;best start worrying, this isn't gonna last my man." I said as we continued to walk down the road.  Looking around, most of the buildings around this part of town were two stories, lights on in most of them.  Some of the locals where still wondering around the darkened streets but most of them had gone in to let way for the soldiers seeking fun;. and the way most of us thought, there idea of fun was to sit and talk to the family during the night.  We had a different view.

Names Steve, Steve Miller, United States Marine Corps Corporal of....

Better Seal84?  

[BoweryBaker 0]

I see you kinda took a hint from my story. Not bad, at least its not boring anymore and you're not making pointless sentences anymore too. Now lets see what YOU can think up...

[bmgarcangel 0]

Read again, updated it..

[bmgarcangel 0]

Ok, i have a question to ask. What should the bar that they hang around be called? And what should happen when they leave the bar *wink*wink*

~Bmg

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]And what should happen when they leave the bar *wink*wink*

Purple elephants maybe

...sorry just an old lame forum joke

[AdmiralKarlDonuts 0]

Better Seal84?

Hey dude, don't feel like you're tailoring this to what I want to read...I typed all that up so it would help you revise your work. You might find that doing it some other way works best - if it works, run with it.

I've found that no two people are ever going to agree 100% on how something should be written - the best we writers can do for each other is just tell it how we see it.

Glad to see it's coming along

[BoweryBaker 0]

Why don't you call the bar Panmunjom? I don't remember what it means, but its a word in some asian language. Then some skinny, shaky voiced, cigarette smelling guy comes out like "welcome to panmunjom gentlemen, someone will be right with you." Apparently its in a safe part of town where R and R can be established so more than likely there are military police patrols or stations around the area or whatever. They'll more than likely speak english loosely there, even the hookers. Then you can let us get acquainted with not just the reputation of these soldiers, but how they really are at least in a relaxed setting. Are they all the same? Are they all special in some sort of way behavioral wise? This is your chance for some detail you love so much to explore. Remember though, this is a story about war. In this time of relaxation and character development we are to learn something about this war before we drop our jaw at the action parts. You could have us learn something about human nature or about the character to make us think about human nature, or learn something about the plot i don't know. People can only get distracted from the plot for a short time before they lose overall interest in the story. The first person story form is a very good format for you it looks like.

[bmgarcangel 0]

Hey

How about this...its not a bar owned by the military or...considered safe....you did know that most of Saigon was considered "Safe"........its owned by a gay asian guy and all the military guys go there because nice women and good drinks..

~Bmg

[BoweryBaker 0]

I never meant to imply that anything was owned by the military. That would be on base if it was anyhow. Go on...

[bmgarcangel 0]

Now i have to finish it...in 1 hrs. and 45 minutes starting from where i left off....everyone say good luck!

[bmgarcangel 0]

Ok...here is section one of Part One of A Marines Story

A Marines Story

Part 1: The Beginning

The night had arrived finally in the streets of Saigon. People were going home; the nightlife had begun; and soldiers of the United States Marine Corps partied it out in some of the best bars around town. Laughter could be heard all up and down the streets where most of the soldiers would head. Asian prostitutes lingered on the side of the road waiting for their knight in shining armor to come whisk them away and with an added bonus of a hundred or so bucks. Shops started closing down and locking up; families were heading home; the city was left up to the marines for another night of fun.

I walked along the street with my two best friends, Private Miller, craziest man you’ll ever know with a gun; and Private West, the smartest you’ll ever know with a gun. Passing a prostitute on the road, Miller let out a huge whistle that echoed off the buildings all around the town for everyone to hear, making the women smile and she seemed to blush a little bit.

“Damn this place is nice…. good looking women, good food, good bars…can’t think of anything better,†Miller said with a big grin on his face, still eying the prostitute behind us. “ I mean what could be better?â€

“Nothing, we just got here a month ago, ok? This month has been pretty calm so far, just like the rest of the boys said…best start worrying, this isn’t gonna last, my man.†I said as we continued to walk down the road. Looking around, most of the buildings around this part of town were two stories, lights on in most of them. Some of the locals were still wandering around the darkened streets but most of them had gone in to make way for the soldiers seeking fun…. and the way most of us thought, their idea of fun was to sit and talk to the family during the night. We had a different view.

Name’s Steve, Steve Miller, Corporal of the USMC 1st Infantry Division. Bad boy of my platoon, me and me friends would always be hanging around this part of town, the pride of the war was here and I was hoping every day that we didn’t move out to start fighting.

We approached this one bar that we hanged out at regularly, VuVu’s, full of marines on one-side and army guys on the other side. If you stayed long enough almost every night, you would see the craziest bar fights ever break out. Entering the bar we passed a few Asian chicks with their army pimps stroking their hair. “Damnit…she’s nice stuff…†Miller said as he eyed the one of the girls.

“Save it, you know we have the better side,†I said, as we turned left. As soon as you walked in the door, there was a sign directly in front of you saying Marines on the top, with an arrow pointing left and Army on the bottom, pointing towards the left…Air Force, Navy, and all the other branches dared not enter this bar; it was too rough for them.

We sat at a table in the far right corner of the left room. The bar smelled of vomit, liquor, and cigarette mix…it wasn’t pleasant but bearable. But we didn’t come for the smell; we came for the girls, good drinks, and for the talking. Finally the waitress – a nice looking Asian chick by the name Phoung--came to take our orders.

“What you like today, Steve?†she said in a strong Asian accent…with a feminine touch.

“I would like one of those Asian Zombies that you make, same with my two friends here,†I said.

“That’s it?†she said raising an eyebrow, as if expecting more.

“Yep, that’s it.â€

“You sure Forest…we might be able to add a…..appetizer of some short..,†Miller said looking up at the waitress.

“Miller, lay off. Tonight we’re hear to drink and talk, not mess round."

The waitress---now eying Miller with a sadistic look that was meant by an even more sadistic look from Miller---gave us a receipt, I took it, put the money with it, and then gave it back to her. Nine minutes later she came back with the drinks in hand. During that time West, Miller, and me talked about how Vietnam was so far. West had been here for about 9 months and had seen some action farther up north from here with the rest of the division.

“I was in operation Hastings, Union I, and Union II. I survived all of that, some of the worst fighting I’ve ever been in. This is like the first few months that we actually have had some free time, but don’t expect to be staying around Saigon much longer. There is always something -, “ he said as he took a few sips of his drink,†– going down around Vietnam….so don’t get too comfortable here, I’ve seen you have been for the past month that you’ve been here, Steve.â€

I took a drink and swallowed, looking down at the ground, trying to get it down, and then I brought my head back up and looked at West. “I’ve enjoyed my stay here I guess you could say, it’s a nice place---so far so good. Wouldn’t you agree Miller?â€

As usual, Miller was scooping out the chicks and stealing them away from other Marines. Eying a girl who was on the lap of another Marine across the room, he flashed some money in front of his face and wiggled it about as he said, “Hell ya, its paradise….â€. Miller, as with me, had been here only a month. He’d already gained a reputation as the platoon pimp. He got up as the women---a thin, slender, Asian woman of considerable beauty and posture---came up to him. He handed over the money, he grabbed her hand, and they walked away….probably going to some local hotel.

Eying Miller as he walked away he said, “That man is going to wake up to the real world mighty soon….â€

“Ya, I joined because I thought combat and being in the military would be all this big, fun, and exciting little adventure. So far, so good, eh? Lets make a toast….to the end of this war and no more fighting.â€

West looked away from Miller’s direction as he turned from view with his girl behind him, grabbed his glass as did I, raised it, “I’ll toast to that, most defiantly…to the end of this war!†Raising the glasses we clicked and drank the rest of our drinks down. Afterwards, we left a tip, got up and left the bar, heading back up the street to a checkpoint. Upon getting there, we did what we needed to do and went to bed. Thinking in my head what lay next, what fighting would really be like? How would I react to it? Would I be able to handle it? Would I be able to command troops if need be so? Would I do the right thing? These were all questions I’d have to find out sooner or later…. I’d rather get them out of mind, so I prefer sooner. But for now it was no use pondering over these questions of my abilities…I’d have to wait and see what would happen…

__

[BoweryBaker 0]

in vietnam they called each other "man" alot. So maybe you could throw some of that in just to get that feeling of the era in pop culture terms.

[bmgarcangel 0]

LOL

Lots of pimps in the Vietnam war too, eh?

[bmgarcangel 0]

CONTINOUS----PART 2 of Part 1

That night I had a dream---better call it a nightmare of the worst possible thing that could happen to you in combat.  You aim your weapon just before the enemy points his gun at you and your gun jams.  In that short span of time you realize you're dead, nothing you can do to prevent it.  You're helpless, the meaning shoot the enemy before he shoots you becomes utterly meaningless.  Its something all soldiers dread will be one of the many bad things that can happen to you in combat, you hope and think that no, it can't happen to me---I lurched forward all the sudden and found myself awake in my bunk, sweating like hell, scared to death that what had just happened had really happened.  But it hadn't, it was just a dream, nothing more, just a dream.  Just a dream.

I got up out of bed, checked the time----2: 47am---and went over to the bath room, got some water in my hands from the bucket that the hotel had, and splashed some water on my face, dried off, and headed back to my bunk.  Getting back in I put my arms behind me head and starred at the ceiling; remembering the dream, I started to think what if that really happened to me...when I was out there, fighting the enemy.  I'd heard so many stories of our new assault rifle, the m16a1, jamming at the most inexcusable times...man, I hoped to hell that it wouldn't do that for me.    I turned my head to the left to glance at the bunk across the room, West was still here; I looked to the right where Miller could be sleeping in his bunk, but usually wasn't, most of the time somewhere around Saigon with a pretty young lady.  I swear to god, he could live off of women, he wouldn't need to drink, eat, or anything else....I believe he could survive.  

Clearing my mind again I started to drift back to sleep with some thoughts lingering around still, bothering me some but not too much.  I began to go back into the dreamland....I saw in my mind a Vietnamesse soldier wielding an Ak-47 heading towards me, charging...then the loud crack of gunfire....really loud crack of gunfire.  I opened my eyes.  I wasn't dreaming.

I nearly jumped out of my feet, the shooting sounded so close...lurching forward I struggled to get out of my sheets, seeming to keep hold of me, keeping me in the bed---not wanting me to leave----with all the struggle I fell off the side of my bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. West was already up getting dress into his uniform and getting ready to move. Finally getting loose from the entanglement of sheets, I jumped to me feet, grabbed my pants and stuck them on.

Looking over at West as I struggled to get ready with the adrenaline rushing around in my brain as the gunfire continued. "What the hells going on man?"

"How the hell should I know what the hell is going on, jesus Christ though, the fire sounds like its coming from the embassay---" he said as we heard an explosion somewhere in the city. "Jesus, what the hell is going on!"

"I don't know but it sounds like a longer vacation in paradise city is done and over with!" I said as I struggled to get my boots on.

"Ya man, wake up, time to wake up and face reality-"he said as he finished getting his boots on."-your in the Marines to fight, not to have fun. What did you think Vietnam was going to be?" Getting his blouse and helmet on, grabbing his gun, he headed over to me just as I finished getting ready as well.

"I thought from what I heard that it was going to be something like whats going on right now, what did you think I expected man?" I said as I grabed my gun and headed down stairs with West not too far behind. The crackle of gunfire was all around the town now and you could hear faint explosions in the distance....but the distinct sound of Ak's, were pounding away pretty close by.

"Well, I'm not sure what you expect...but I can tell you what Miller expected."

"Hey man, we can all tell what he expected...he's been having a blast. Shame, isn't it? He's not going to like this one bit!" I said finishing the conversation with a few laughs.

On the street now the gun fire close by had calmed down some what, we could hear a lot of yelling around town and some people leaving their homes, trying to get away from whatever was going on. Still walking down the dark street, I glanced at my watch underneath a lamp light---3: 16am---still pretty early to be out wondering around. Well, we were going to the embassy to try and save the day, if they needed any saving that is.

With me in the lead and West behind, I glanced around, looking up, flashes reflecting off the clouds from some distance away. Something major was going on.

[BoweryBaker 0]

it feels so much cooler to know that they're actually hip young people at war, not just like the stern disciplined roughnecks that they're always pictured to be but people like us. Thanks for taking my advice. I like it alot now.

[GoOB 0]

Very good BMG! A huge improvement over the version on page one!

The only thing, which is really just a nitpick is the excessive use of the word "Ya". It just jolts me out of the illusion of being there, in that bar with those marines, as I can't imaginge one of them blurting out "Ya, so far so good!" Something less... Well, "Ya-ish" would be a perfect substitute

[bmgarcangel 0]

Will take the ya advice into effect, aiight. A Marines Story--Part 1: The Beginning will be completed later tonight, then its on to Part 2...hell, people, at least i'm getting credit for this. Might as well throw in a Part 5 through 7 in Hue, eh?

~Bmg

[cozza 24]

cool story. Like it better than I did on the first page Keep writing.

[bmgarcangel 0]

i'M ABOUT TO start A Marines Story Part 2: Retaking of Saigon....

I was curious if you guys had any advice on it....

[BoweryBaker 0]

shoot, didn't mean to double post. something wrong with my browser.

[BoweryBaker 0]

My mind is more on the possible outcome of future events.

[bmgarcangel 0]

does anyone knw anythin bout how the town was retaken

[bmgarcangel 0]

Did the 1st marine divission take back Saigon before it moved on to take Hue?

[bmgarcangel 0]

ok so this is what i've gotten for the first part of the story. Story starts one day after last one ended.

1. The main character is back at a staging base west of the city of Saigon, he is sleeping and then they get up, get reviewed on whats going on, and make preperations to go into battle.

2. The surprise attack a few days after January 31st begins wit the marine's rushing into the town taking the enemy by complete surprise.

3. After about 2 days, most of the town is taken. THe marines guard the town still but some of the Squads are pulled back and sent up north to support the battle raging at Hue. Next story begins there.

~Bmg

[BoweryBaker 0]

Hmmm, good.