Harnu 0 Posted March 9, 2004 Quote[/b] ]I do believe every soldiers goal is this We all fight, fight we must because of orders, fight to kill other men, but truth be told, we fight the most to live to see another day. That has never been my goal  Then I guess you aren't a soldier  Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pathy 0 Posted March 9, 2004 I agree, writing in 3rd person is better.....good effort so far, i like it for the most part, but....it just feels abit flat.....i guess you havent had opportunity to build up character...i mean, if your "best buddy" was someone wed read about earlier and liked ourself, thats an emotional tie in right there, and thats one of the keys to suceeding in writing....getting the audience emotionally involved. On the same basis, i never really got a sense of impending doom....maybe you could describe grenades landing in a nearby fox hole and killing the occupants, or the guy next you you getting shot, ect, something to build up the thought that it may be the main character who dies next. A really good one would be like....you know when you see an enemy and the enemy sees you in the same instant and its a scramble to see who gets thier gun up first.......if you can drag that out, and do it well, you can have the reader thinking "shit shit shit shit shit" with the character...ive seen that one done before in books, its a good one. As with most things in life, its practice, keep going and dont be afraid to bin your early work.....hell your inspiring me to write again....i usually gave up after i met a factual boundry i cant be bothered to research though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmgarcangel 0 Posted March 10, 2004 lol Well, I guess so. I mean, I could have made it better, but a 1st person story is always good for the soul. 3rd person is something people always crave for, but you can't go always without a story told be the person who is actually there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Harnu 0 Posted March 10, 2004 Third person is good for a sense of story telling, but first person adds that extra realism IMO. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmgarcangel 0 Posted March 10, 2004 at times my friend that extra realisim gives a kick in the story! Oh and for the voting thing up there, damnit, i'm already a writer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pathy 0 Posted March 11, 2004 Hmm but 3rd person you know the character survives if they are telling the story.......tell ya what, if you ever release books, make sure the main character dies in one of them (or make it so that you dont know what becomes of them), so that people dont know what to expect in your next book. Gerald Seymore is a master of this, one of my favourite war writers (read "holding the zero" if you havent read anything by him), in one of his books the character....shit i cant remeber it exactly, the guy ends up being last seen running away from the jungle clearing the rest of the good guys took off from, and you never know if he survives or not, and in "Harrys Game", set in Northern Ireland, the main guy ends up being killed by british snipers in a hidden op post because they dont know hes ex SAS or whatever being hired by British Govt(they just see an armed guy...sounds stupid, but the way the plot unfolds the guy had no choice)........this wouldnt be possible in 3rd person, and the audience always knows the guy survived.....you dont need to write in 3rd person to get inside the characters mind as events unfold! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ozanzac 0 Posted March 13, 2004 Just my opinion, but I felt really uneasy with how the story is in first person, knowing that according to your age, you could have not possibly experienced war from a participants perspective. If it was written in a narrative form, I probably wouldn't feel so uncomfortable with it, but as it's written in first person, I liken it to an old man who claims to be a war veteran, but never was. I dunno. Maybe you do have relatives who participated in war, maybe you don't. But one thing is for sure. If I was you, I'd hope my grandfather never gets hold of it. Even though it's just a story. It's not something I'd willingly show off, out of respect alone. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not, but I do know I tried to appreciate your effort, but just can't. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pathy 0 Posted March 13, 2004 Yes thats another point, hard to tell a soldiers story in 1st person without ever being a soldier.....andy mcnab does 1st person, but he knows what hes talking about and it feels authentic, even though hes not the best writer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tamme 0 Posted March 13, 2004 First person doesn't necessarily mean that he'll survive. I've seen many(1) movies that we're in a narrative form told from a first person perspective, but the main character died in the end. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites