Funkman 10 Posted January 18, 2011 Hello, I am making a little movie, and I am not so good with knowing the correct military terms to use, so I wanted to run this little script by someone if they could be so kind.: Opens on three soldiers round a campfire (out on patrol): Sergeant 1: Has anyone seen Private Williams? Private 2: He said he went to pee, but,...that was an hour ago. Sergeant 1: God dammit, I dont believe it, he's finally done it! Sergeant 1 (on radio to homebase): Papa Bear, this is (delta platoon, company?) we have a situation on our hands here.... Cuts to black. Later cuts to Colonel talking to his aid: "Godammit, that little maggot. No one deserts my army. We will find that little scumbag and make an example of him. I want no effort spared to bring him back dead or alive!" Hence begins the story. Totally open to criticisms and changes of title etc. Many thanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Koni 3 Posted January 18, 2011 Well, if it's meant to be realistic, and with the sounds of it, it's U.S Soldiers, then saying you will execute him is a bit un-realistic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 18, 2011 Okay, but that is the overly melodramaitc part that shows how crazy this colonel is and sets up the audience to sympathise with the lone soldier. That part is allowed to be a bit innacurate. What about what a good callsign for the patrol is. Would there even be a patrol of four men, or do they operate in larger groups? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SteveJA 12 Posted January 18, 2011 Not enough explicit words used, try adding variants of "F**K" every other word or so!! haha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmur2k 0 Posted January 18, 2011 Yeah and if you are recording your voice for the dialogue.. make sure that its really slow, monotonous and obviously read from a script! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deadfast 43 Posted January 18, 2011 Sound way too sugar coated. The worst offender being pee. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
speeder 0 Posted January 18, 2011 This is how I would do it - But still stereotype'ish, Sergeant 1: Has anyone seen Private Williams? Private 2: Sorry Sir. He went to take a dump, but,...that was like an hour ago. Sergeant 1: God dammit, that little prick has finally done it! Sergeant 1 (on radio to homebase): Papa Bear, this is November One we have a situation on our hands .... "Godammit, that little maggot. He's freaking slippery as snot on a doorknop. NO ONE goes AWAL on me. We will find that little scumbag and make an example of him, use whatever means necessary" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 18, 2011 Thank you speeder, a serious answer finally. Mumur, I know voice acting is not my strong point, so I will be getting others to do it for this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
onlyrazor 11 Posted January 18, 2011 This sounds interesting, but seriously, more curse words. Try playing company of heroes, the profanity there is truly an example of what everyone should strive for :rolleyes: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 18, 2011 Lol. ok more profanity, got it. Its just like what's that arma 2 machinima series? Sons of Valour every second word is F*** I think those guys have military experience and know how it works. Thanks for the comment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deadfast 43 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Profanity that I can do :) Has anyone seen Private Williams? Yes Sir. He said was going to take a p*ss but... that must have been over an hour ago. For f**k's sake, I can't believe it. He's finally done it! Papa Bear, this is Alpha One, we have a situation here, over... Goddammit, that little f**ker. No one goes AWOL on my watch! No one, do you understand?! I want you to find that son of a b**ch and bring him back to me. I don't give a s**t if you have to drag him screaming, you can f**ing shoot for all I care. I just want his sorry a*s back here, right now! Edited January 19, 2011 by Deadfast Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tswords 10 Posted January 20, 2011 well being in the us army now, i think i can help a bit :) profanity is a MUST for realism. every1 here curses like a f*ckin sailor, ironically of course cuz we're all soldiers. (see?) and as far as callsigns go, the army/marines/af have converted to more "Hollywood" callsigns as we call them. example my callsign is Animal 14G Animal being the Company, 14 being the FIST and G being the gunner, seeing as your character is a Col. hed be something at a Brigade level 6, like, Spartan 6 or Iron Horse 6 (dont use those though cuz theyre real people lol) hope that helps, just think of a cool warrior-ish sounding word and tag a 6 on there and youre good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 20, 2011 THanks ts swords, that experience is a great help. Ive already recorded most of the script and I went with Papa Bear for home base and November 1 for the sergeant, not totally realistic but I think I can get away with it. ---- EDIT: Ill post a link here when my little movie is done and you can tell me what you think, though I doubt it is going to be very realistic, but hopefully entertaining. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tswords 10 Posted January 20, 2011 well it is a game, so entertaining is key, and it is arma, so realism is key as well... also, bases according to units use suffixes like "main", "mike", or "x-ray" another example my COB out here in iraq, when you call them on the radio its "Animal X-Ray". "Long Knife Mike", "iron horse main", "mustang x-ray" soo theres another tip for yah. glad i could help Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 20, 2011 Lol, dammit now I have already got people to do the voices as "papa bear", they did a really good job so I dont want to ask them to re-do it. Ah well... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tswords 10 Posted January 20, 2011 well just as a military movie goes irl, its ultimately the director's (i.e. you) call, im just advising :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pre-Vet 10 Posted January 21, 2011 First, don't use a campfire out in the open, only on a base and in the daytime. Making a campfire attracts a lot of attention and at night with NVGs you can see them from miles away. In the day you can see the smoke from miles away. Maybe dont let the platoon commander ask for a privite but just the name, the ranks go out of the window as soon as you set foot in the AO. use a nickname or something. [ Sergeant 1: Has anyone seen Private Williams? ]-->[ Sgt1: Where is Williams?!] for the rest everything has been said. Hope it will work out! Good luck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Funkman 10 Posted January 25, 2011 Thx pre-Vet,unfortunately I have already recorded the dialogue for it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NeMeSiS 11 Posted January 25, 2011 Profanity that I can do :) Apparently not, since you forgot half the letters. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmur2k 0 Posted January 27, 2011 Mumur, I know voice acting is not my strong point, so I will be getting others to do it for this. It was a jibe at the BIS voice acting not you :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
