since you guys like to do nothing but bash Bush. Which Bush represents the American will or atleast 2/3rds of the public which pretty much is most Americans. I thought maybe i could change the tone a little and pick on another country, France. Here are some humorous quotes from some fairly major figures of the years, decades and in some cases centuries.
Here goes:
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes."
---Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me."
--- General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
--- Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
--- Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--- Rush Limbaugh,
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better,
on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in
Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than
sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."
--- P.J O'Rourke (1989)
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it."
--- John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam
out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of
France!"
--- Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris
under a German flag."
--- David Letterman
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
- One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO
and that all U. S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil, President
Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: "Ask him about the
cemeteries Dean!"
So at end of the meeting, Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all
U. S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldiers buried in
France from World War I and World War II.
DeGaulle never answered.
The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last moment by schizophrenic
teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare;
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion -France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
- The Dutch War - Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of
the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy
to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
bloodline.
- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule
of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical
to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders
to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
