el Gringo Loco

This thread was one of the best threads on the board some 6 months ago. Please all you guys help me to rebuild it. This is the place to put all your military stupidy events and have a good laugh. Title: How the fuck do we know, we're artillery My mate and I were driving back to our little camp on Mt. Igman after we had collected our mail from the english army base camp on Mt. Igman. After a while we saw a english woman soldier waving to us from the side of the road gesturing us to stop. So we stopped and asked her what the problem was. She told us that she had only become shortly the driver of a mobile crane unit and she could use some help because she had to pick up a prefab from the side of the road and load on the back of her truck. She asked if we could check if she had enough clearance when she picked up the prefab. Corteous and always ready to please a lady we said yeah, no problem. So we parked our Benz and took in some strategical observation points along the prefab. Maybe you don't know, but a mobile crane has so-called "side stabilisation arms" which prevent the crane from tipping over when they crane loads sideways. We didn't notice that she forgot to deploy them (hey what you expect, we're artillery we know cannons not mobile cranes) So the girl started lifting the prefab, when it was half ways in the air everything went pear-shaped. The crane start to tilt to one side and gained momentum. It was all too late then, the prefab crashed to the ground and the mobile crane came to rest against it. My mate and I were pissing our pants from the laughter and wished the girl (which was crying by now) much luck in explaining this little mishap to her CO. After taking a picture we went up the mountain with the mail and a very good story to tell.

Let's start with israel acknowledging the borders set by the UN, and agreed by Israel in the first place, for the nation of Israel.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (scout @ April 18 2002,17:15)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">at least uve got a chair! we use old wooden crates when we're lucky. and we've got no trees to hug <span id='postcolor'> But your butt wouldn't freeze to a wooden crate. A metal chair is a total different story.

It actually says, translated in english of course: Sanitary relaxation facility and on the other side it says: "You came here to shit and stink, I came here to sit and think"

Are we talking crap here. See here the very sophiscated manner of taking a dump in the field. The Summer and winter method. We dug several holes in the vicinity when the hole used was full. We of course didn't mark the old holes. So navigating your way through the 'shitting fields' in order to reach the chair, was far more dangerous than navigating your way through your avarage mine-field. BTW extra points to the one who didn't manage to get his butt frozen to the chair in the winter edition. This was BTW the idea of some of our officers of a functional latrine. I'm just happy that I didn't have to go to war with these no-brains. Summer version Winter edition

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Oligo @ April 16 2002,11:56)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Why the hell do you use UZIs for anything else but CQB? Taking a submahinegun to an assault rifle battle outdoors is real Military Stupidity.<span id='postcolor'> Yep you are right, but there was a philosophy behind that. They argued that if you were driving in the front of a jeep you couldn't use a long-barreled rifle as proficiently as a short one. Believe it or not, but this was actually true. HAHAHAHAH I never had the UZI as personal weapon, back than it was my secondary weapon. I had an FN-FAL as personal weapon first, later that became a SAW with a diemaco C7 short version as secondary. Luckily all the UZI's are phased out for some years now. The army got a littlebit more professional

Title: Shooting range Nonsense As every good soldier should back in my serving years I spend quite some time on the shooting range shooting aluminium russians. You even can't believe how stupid some people can be over there. One time we had a new CO which accompanied us to the range. As we were celebrating that some of our mates left the army last night it was needless to say that our aim was a littlebit off that day on the range. In other words we couldn't hit jack shit. So our CO was pretty pissed at us and determined he should give a good example how to hit targets with an UZI SMG at 100 meters. So he asked me and my mate to prepare him a UZI with a full clip. As we were becoming a little pissed of this new CO. His first day with the battery and already attitude, we decided to shut his mouth for good. So instead of loading the clip with live ammo we loaded his clip with blanks and put the magazine in the weapon. My sergeant saw what we did and already started pissing his pants by laughing, we told him to shut up because he could foil our plot. So with a poker face I handed the weapon to my CO and said to him: "Let me see how the pro's do it" My CO ordered the target operator to pop up the targets fully expecting to shoot them down as soon as they popped up. The first popped up and my CO shot after a second, he missed , another shot, missed again, another one, another one. The ass shot the whole clip empty at the one target without of course downing it. So after he fired 30 supposedly live rounds we said: "Thank you for this enlighting example of shooting russians". Pissed off, he trotted off to our truck to get some coffee. We were laughing our pants off and didn't get any remarks anymore on our shooting results. Once we had a sergeant who believed so strongly in the capabilities of the UZI that he let us fire at targets on 200m. Maybe it is possible to hit them with a UZI carabine, but with our UZI hitting something at 50m was already a daunting task. We used our UZI's almost for everything in the field, even for hacking roots when digging a fox hole. After a exercise we usually took the UZI's into the shower with us and cleaned it with water. Then immerse it in weapon oil, ready to use again. Needless to say I took more care of my personal weapon which I took on operations. Because from that one my life could depend. But the UZI's were called "whores" in the dutch army because everyone used them, they where not personal.So one day you had a pretty nice one to use in the field, the other day you had a shovel in the form of an UZI.

Hey Wobble, maybe something for your new signature when they're allowed again

I'm reinstalling OFP on a clean system. I'd like to download the 1.20 upgrade (ultimate upgrade 2) but the link on the flashpoint1985.com site is dead. Does anyone know a mirror?

I'm reinstalling OFP on a clean system. I'd like to download the 1.20 upgrade (ultimate upgrade 2) but the link on the flashpoint1985.com site is dead. Does anyone know a mirror?

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @ Feb. 18 2002,21:39)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"> ""Yea, whats wrong with you people""<span id='postcolor'> your girlfriend?

Wobble, I see some uncanny resemblances in your avatar and signature picture. Are you in any way related to the bush family (I believe you come from texas) and got to browse through the George W. Bush family photo book?

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Oligo @ Feb. 18 2002,08:58)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">How come I do not see any of your army stories over here? It's mainly only Noone's and my stories which are filling this thread. So Unless I do not see any other stories come up, I am forced to believe that Noone and I are the only members on this thread who actually have served.<span id='postcolor'> I seem to recall to have written some stories...? Â <span id='postcolor'> You are forgiven

24A was my unit's callsign in the army The L is a prefix which we used on 30 august 1995 when we guided A10A's to their targets in Bosnia

I think most of the guys who said they are or were in the army in some other thread are just a bunch of liars. How come I do not see any of your army stories over here? It's mainly only Noone's and my stories which are filling this thread. So Unless I do not see any other stories come up, I am forced to believe that Noone and I are the only members on this thread who actually have served. And if you have served but don't want to write a story, well then you're just a lazy SOB and probably served with the army administration regiment pushing paperweights and pencils around In other words. <span style='font-size:15pt;line-height:100%'>Where are your stories??</span>

Title: Why can't we sleep in our trucks. When we were on the move in Bosnia we never could sleep in our trucks when we stopped for the night. Because our COs might think that the trucks could get attacked by serb artillery. We had to sleep between the trucks hahahahahaha. This is what they learn at the armed forces academy in Holland!

Cheating is okay when you play on your own. What would SimCity ever be when they did not invent the unlimited money cheat? People would get frustrated over a while because every city they build takes days to come to maturity. Frankly I'm pretty pissed of at BIS for taking the setdamage command away from us. As I used it to test my missions. Everyone has to admit that from now and then they like to play ofp in single-player in god-mode. Come on it is in human's nature. Cheating on multiplayer games is something different. Those cheaters should be hung, drawn and quartered.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Wobble @ Feb. 15 2002,00:11)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">hahahahaha!!!!<span id='postcolor'> are you watching on your webcam?

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (jaxx @ Feb. 15 2002,00:03)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Would that be a long-distance friend since Placebo is in the UK?<span id='postcolor'> Nah, modern technology and a webcam can bring people closer together than desirable

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (PHY_Hawkeye @ Feb. 14 2002,22:23)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I Dissagree. I think the SAS are much more similar the Delta than to the SEALS, but both views are valid on a certain level. SAS and Delta are similar in that excell in AT tactics, and very specific targets. SAS and the SEALS are similar in that they work very well harrassing enemy troops behind the lines. I guess it depends on your own point of view.<span id='postcolor'> Actually Charly Beckwith modeled the delta force after the SAS. He also has spend quite some time with the SAS. And there are some good (funny) stories about Charly and the SAS together in the Jungle.

Hey Wobble, why are you so awfully interested in placebos wherabouts and things he like. Are you maybe a close friend?

Title: It's all in the way you say it This time we were on exercise on the Munster training fields in northern Germany. It was already December and it was starting to get pretty cold outside actually. For us that was usually no problem because one of the trucks we always took with us on exercise was only needed to pull the generator. So that left us with quite a big decked loading room which was usually converted in our general living quarters. We had an electrical heating radiator in it, coffeemachine, bread toaster and 6 beds and a fridge. So we actually never slept outside. See the picture below for the interior of this truck. Food was normally always brought to us by the logistics unit. Normally the food was always pretty good but on this particular day it was more than shite. So we also hoped that our CO had the same opinion about the food, because when he has he normally orders two of our unit to get some pizzas in town. So this day we were lucky, he ordered me and my mate to get some pizzas in town and to take his Mercedes jeep with us. So after noting all the orders down on paper we went on our way. I let my mate drive because normally speaking he is also my chauffeur when we are on a mission. (yes, I had my own driver in the army). So the training grounds at Munster make some great off-road rally tracks. So we were enjoying ourselves quite a little, till he took one bend to sharp and capseized the Mercedes. So there we were on our side in the car of our CO. I thought that this really sucked because it was our own professional driving style which got us in this position. Although I could see that the damage to the car wasn't too bad I had to call in and ask the CO for recovery truck who could pull the car upright again. So I had to come up with a story to get the recovery truck and to keep the CO from becoming very pissed off at us. I knew that I couldn't lie, because he hated liars so much that if he ever caught you lying you could better apply for transfer to some other unit. But I knew that he liked a good joke now and then, so I thought if I could tell me problem in a funny way I might get off pretty easy. So I thought what to say, and in an instant I had it. This is a loosely transcript of the radio message I put out. [Me]Hello R24, this is N24A, over. [CO] R24, over [Me]N24A requesting hasty supply of new left outside car mirror at gridref XXXXX, over [CO]R24, Why?, over [Me]N24A, Because the Merc lies on top of it, over. 5 seconds of silence After that I heard my CO bursting out in laughing, and asked us if no one was wounded and if the damage wasn't too big. I could affirm the last two questions and within an hour there was a recovery truck to put us back on our four wheels again. I gambled and it paid off. Sometimes it's all in the way you tell something. The into living compartiment converted truck which we used during exercises, note the bunks. The damage to our CO's mercedes after our little escapade.

Placebo will have you

Gets on his bike and rides towards the setting sun.