The story.

[FallenPaladin 0]

*KAZOCK*

Casey gave his victim a hard knock with his bat onto the head and turned the light right into his eyes.

"Tell me, where have you hidden Laura Ashley?"

"Ouch, I don`t know a Laura Ashley!!"

*SMACK*

"Don`t make me a fool!!!"

"AAARGH, I don`t know her, please believe me..."

[Aculaud 0]

"Alright, it seems you dont want to cooperate. Its time for me bring out the heavy equipment!" Casey said. He reached into his......

[Oligo 1]

....trousers, but suddenly the door blew in. Casey turned around only to observe a bunch of IDF soldiers bursting in. Casey yelled: 'Fuck, I knew I should not have bought a building in the West Bank area.' The IDF sergeant gave Casey a flower.

[Aculaud 0]

casey took the flower as the IDF men left the room. He looked for a second, and stuck the flower in his hair. He then reached into his........

[FallenPaladin 0]

...pocket and pulled out something tiny, that he covered from the others views. "Are you sure you don`t want to talk? That`s your last chance!!“ A loud crying out was the result of his question. Casey gave an evil smile. "So... Then that`s what you deserve!“ Quickly he put special glasses with implented photos over his victims eyes. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! No, PLEASE!! Not him... not PETER PAN!!! AARGH“ Right at that moment of torture an Amnesty International observer opened the door to the questioning chamber...

[Oligo 1]

... only to be grabbed by the IDF Sergeant. 'You're not supposed to be here, bloody hippie', the IDF sergeant said and carried the amnesty international observer away. An IDF private looked into the room and said: 'Sorry about the inconvenience, those assholes get everywhere.' Then the grunt graciously closed the door.

'Now where were we?' Casey asked.

[ChickenHawk 0]

As it happened, the small object Casey pulled from his pocket was not actually Peter Pan as they had first feared. But, infact it was a small CD with the number 05 badly scrawled on it in biro.

"This is it. This is the secret program, I am giving it to you, you know your mission, protect it at all costs." Just at that moment Casey realised that he was allergic to CD's, his hand started to swell and turn a hideous colour, he fell out of his wheelchair and onto the floor with an agonizing scream.

Mallory bent down to next to Casey to see if he could help. "Casey! What happened? Are you ok?" Casey started to go cross eyed and started babbling in a high pitched voice. Miller then pointed out that it was best for Mallory not to kneel on Casey's groin as it might be the reason for Casey's high pitched mutterings.

[Oligo 1]

Mallory mumbled: 'Awgh. Look at that pathetic Casey, all crippled and so, now also suffering an anaphylactic shock.' He thought for a while, shifting his weight on Casey's nuts. 'I'd better euthanase him like we do to disabled dogs and other animals', Mallory grunted, pulling a gun from his pocket. Miller grabbed Mallory's wrist and snapped: 'What the fuck? You going to kill crippled people now? What kind of sick shit are you?' Mallory returned an annoyed look: 'Oh come on, he is in pain. Let's end it.'

A pain-filled grunt from Casey made both Mallory and Miller to look. It seemed that Casey had died of the allergic reaction. Mallory was pissed: 'See, now he died before I got to shoot him. What the fuck, man? You trying to deny me some fun?' Miller punched Mallory to the face and stood up: 'Get real, dick. Let's go and deliver that CD to Boris.'

As they were leaving the basement, Miller asked: 'Where the hell did you learn words like anaphylactic shock?' 'Med school', Mallory replied.

Outside, Miller and Mallory hitched a ride on a passing Merkava tank. The commander of the tank was turned out. He offered Mallory a sticker with a picture of penguin in it: 'How about some acid? We're going to a rave party.'

[FallenPaladin 0]

Very soon Miller and Mallory were totally high, also was the tank crew. They were giggling and laughing while they drove their tank right into the heart of the city. The red-light-precinct... From a ghetto-blaster mounted next to the turret MG loud techno beats hammered through the streets. People everywhere were looking totally disoriented. *UTS UTS UTS* Miller turned out and grabbed the mounted MG... „OOHAHA, see all the lights!!! Colors!!“ Then he started shooting. „Hihahaha, I`m Thor, god of thunder and lightning!!! I`m the purple flash!!! See that lines of light, mwuhahaha!!“ Behind them the first house broke down and Mallory replaced the techno CD with the CD, which caused Casey`s death...

[Oligo 1]

The music stopped, since Mallory was switching CDs. The gunner yelled from the turret: 'Let's bring the beat BACK!' He slammed the firing controls of the main gun, which belched fire through the enormous dust cloud caused by the muzzle shockwave. 'Now THAT's some goddamn base drum, man', Miller commented, ears ringing. Mallory nodded and pressed the 'PLAY' button with the new CD in...

[ChickenHawk 0]

There was an awkward silence as the CD started to play some strangely recognizable music. Infact it was the smash hit single Dancing Queen by ABBA played backwards. This gave out the secret message that Mallory translated as meaning the CD wont work on the CD player, because programs cant be played on CD players and he would have to find a computer for this CD to work properly.

Miller took the CD from the player, it slipped from his incredibly fat fingers and hit the roof of the tank that they were riding on. Glimpsing down at the CD Miller realised that the biro writing now looked like a 02 rather than a 05 because the CD landed the other way up. '02, surely that must mean something.' Thought Miller, as he spent the next hour and a half trying to pick up the CD.

[Aculaud 0]

Mallory finally got tired of seeing Miller contort over the CD, and picked it up for him. "Ehhhhm put it on track 02." said miller. Mallory did just that. All of a sudden it started playing the village people's YMCA. "What the hell is this?!" Everyone thought. "Well........While its on..." said the tank commander. They put up the hatches, and rolled down the street YMCA-ing the night away!

Down the road a ways, they saw something flying in the air. And then they heard it on a very effective lud speeker. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. You Fools!! You fell for my plan!!" It was casey in his new cyberneticly enhanced form, complete with hovering capabilities. "The tank was just a diversion to get you all stoned a weak!!. Beavers, GO GO GO!!!" An army of Casies super beavers filled the streets....

[FallenPaladin 0]

The beavers teeth were all of kryptonite. „Oh shit!“, Mallory screamed „They`ll eat themselves through the armor from our tank to the upside!! AND THEN THEY`LL EAT US!!! Yeargh!!!“ Meanwhile Miller dropped the first wave of the beavers with the MG and bloody furpieces were flying through the air everywhere. One hit the tank commander directly into the face who was still YMCA-ing and in the next moment he fell off the tank, screaming highpitched. „OOOOOOH NOOOOO, THEIR BLOOD IS PURE ACID!!!“, paniced Mallory „WE`RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!“ Casey who circled in his pinkpainted Vietnamwar-Huey over that battlesite gave an evil laugh „That`s what you deserve, you traitors and comradekillers!, mwuhahahaha!“ Another wave of pure fear crushed over Mallory when he saw that Casey was part of the Huey. He was now a Hueyborg. And the next wave of beavers attacked...

[Oligo 1]

Suddenly Miller blared: 'Wait just a second wait just a second!' Mallory turned his gaze from the Hueyborg and lookes at Miller with a nasty frown on his face. 'Look at the moon going up and down, up and down', Miller pointed out. Mallory checked the moon and truly it was going up and down. A realization struck Mallory: 'Oh, yes, we're tripping out of our heads! There are no beavers or Casey here! It's just a bad trip.' With this statement, all the bad things disappeared and the cool party was back.

Miller put on the jungle techno CD and the soothing 'UTS UTS UTS' was back. Mallory told the tank commander that he wasn't really dead and soon everybody was just a happy camper again. Miller launched himself into a wild dance session, performing moves not quite possible for a human being with a bone structure. He yelled: 'I'm a frigging W0rM, I ()\/\/nZ U @||!'

[Aculaud 0]

Casey, the HueyBorg just sat there hovering for a second, wondering what the hell they were doing and thought to himself "I hate techno!!" And with that, he drew a line of machinegun fire right through the tank, killing the stereo, the tank commander, and cutting the tank in half. The beavers proceeded to chew Miller and Mallory to death, and with their super beaver metabolism, they shit out the remains. Then they ate their shit, and then shit out that shit. Then ate that shit, which was only made up of two previous meals worth of their own shit. Satisfied that Miller and Mallory had been effectively killed, Casey commanded his Beaver battalion back to his underground HQ with him.

Meanwhile......

[Oligo 1]

....Mallory, Miller and the tank crew watched the mirage of the Huey and beavers march away to the void. The techno beat panged in their heads.

'Man, that was so real a hallucination. I mean, when the MG rounds cut me in half, I really thought I was dead, but obviously I was imagining it', the tank commander said. 'Yeah, I almost panicked when the stereo looked like it was destroyed, but since the music kept going, I realized I was just goddamn hallucinating it', Miller pondered. Mallory was looking a little green around the gills and the others could hear him mumble: 'Watching those beavers eat shit was fucking gross, even if I was imagining it.'

The driver of the tank got bored, so he stepped on it and the tank roared forward. The surrounding red-light district quickly changed to...

[Aculaud 0]

.....The pearly gates of heaven. They were welcomed with open arms as the all mighty god spoke to them. "I'm sorry, everyone" god said "But your time has come. You really did die down there." "But why!?" asked a puzzled Mallory. "This was my punishment for you all engaging in promiscuous sex and drug use in this day and age." "Huh? We didnt have any sex down there." said Miller. God Groaned and said "Dont you know i can see everything? I watched you all masturbate eachother to Martha Stuart Weekly magazine while you were all under the influence. I'll admit, i squeezed a few off to that as well, but dammit, i'm god and i can do whatever i want! Now take these rags and start scrubbing. The gates arent pearly enough."

Meanwhile, back on earth.........

[FallenPaladin 0]

a group of amateur satanists made a horrible calling ceremony and *flash* suddenly Miller and the others weren`t any longer in heaven. They were in a dark age castle compound and Miller realised that he was wearing a knights armor and a sword in his hand. He and the other guys, which were wearing similar stuff, were driving on a carriage to the north wall tower. There was no more techno music, instead of that some troubadours were following the carriage. They were singing terrible stuff of glory and death and were playing little instruments like pipes and sitars. Then they drove past a crowd which screamed and yelled “Here are our heros! Praise them! They drove away the french!!“ Mallory grinned and drank from his horn full of met. "Oh brethren, `tis is gettin` better an` better!“ The former tank commander who drove the carriage now, turned his head "Thou art right, Lord Mallory!“. Then Mallory suddenly started to scream, because he had realised that one of his hands had been changed into a chainsaw...

[Aculaud 0]

....Yes! Its true! They were in the movie 'Army of Darkness'!!

[second_draw 0]

Mallory suddenly had the urge to kill evrything living being. Mallory opened his mouth only to say........ "1 0wn j00z a11"!!!

[Aculaud 0]

...And then he said ".....Gimme some suger, baby!!"

[Albert Schweitzer 10]

(comercial break)

" popcorn, peanuts, Ice-cream, cold drinks....anyone? Refreshment tissues, mints, Heineken.....two-fifty please sir....For you too? .....chocolate bars,.......three for you okay..wait I come to you....!

[Aculaud 0]

........."Remind me again, why did we go to this show?" Brian's wife Stella asked. "I have no idea. It got good reviews." Brian replied. "Did the reviewers actually watch it before hand?" Stella inquired. "I wouldnt bet on it" Brian said "C'mon, lets get outa here and grab a drink." Brian concluded...........

[nordin dk 0]

Later the same night, back in their suburban house, Brian put his hand on Stella's stomach and said. "Only two more weeks, and we'll be a perfect family." He looked into her eyes.

"Yes, dear" she said and smiled. "You and me and our alien baby."

They kissed.

Brian led his wife to the couch and handed her the remotecontrol. As she opened up the livingroom to the sounds of the Jerry Springer show, he trotted off to the kitchen to get a beer.

The kitchen was dark and cold. A fan was humming quietly.

A sucking noise and a beam of lights spread into the room as Brian opened the fridge and looked inside. He took out a Heiniken and slammed the fridgedoor shut. As he turned around, he almost dropped it, for across the room he saw the distinct dark figure of a man. The figure moved closer to Brian and lifted a finger to it's mouth, so as to show Brian that he better not speak. Brian made out the figure to be tall and lean, and it was all dressed in black. The man in black didn't speak, but inside his head Brian heard a voice distinctly.

"I will not hurt you Brian....or should I call you Ffeoxurrt Yroogvannngh!.

As long as you don't do anything stupid, your baby will be safe. But we need that baby, and yuo cannot prevent us from taking it."

Brian responded in his native tounge. "djopvfn vlaenaon3rpnfř paeinjndndf efabefbeivnvnjnr giadibvna ei  u u u u apdifnnf!"

"Okay Mr. Yroogvannngh!, I hear you loud and clear. Please do not mention the cows again, or I shall become upset, and you don't want that!"

Sudenly there was a loud noise, much like a balloon popping, and the livingroom there came a womans loud scream and just as disturbingly, a pungent smell.

Brian threw himself at the man in black and

[Aculaud 0]

jumped into his arms whimpering "Hold me!". Meanwhile, in the living room...