Military Humor

[Homefry 0]

Quote[/b] ]The U.S. Army is investigating incidents of unexploded World War I-era munitions showing up in clamshells used as paving material for driveways and parking areas in Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

Hmm, that's actually rather scary... our driveway was just paved a few months ago.... hmmm... (I live in Delaware... BTW).

[DracoPaladore 0]

Mmmmm, tank on tank action! Sexy!

[cozza 24]

GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or at least dont walk down the drive way Why do they use clams in driveways anyway issnt there something called gravel or concreate

[theavonlady 2]

Why do they use clams in driveways anyway issnt there something called gravel or concreate

It's filler, like breadcrumbs in meatloaf.

I ought to know.

[cozza 24]

Mmmmmmmm meatloaf and breadcrumps I ate a box of breadcrumbs once another one of my life storys that dont go anywhere

[theavonlady 2]

I ate a box of breadcrumbs once  another one of my life storys that dont go anywhere  

I, for one, am not the least bit surprised you got constipated.

[theavonlady 2]

Quote[/b] ]The U.S. Army is investigating incidents of unexploded World War I-era munitions showing up in clamshells used as paving material for driveways and parking areas in Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

Hmm, that's actually rather scary... our driveway was just paved a few months ago.... hmmm...    (I live in Delaware... BTW).

Maybe now you'll reconsider getting that Volvo.

[Hjaldar 0]

That's nothing new where I live... We have companies that clear areas of WW2 bombs that are found almost any day when some new road or house is built. No big deal, clearing takes just half an hour and everything's fine again.

[Placebo 28]

It's moderately humourous and it involves the military, I think the place this should have been posted is rather obvious.

[Tovarish 0]

Remember that homosexuality inducing chemical weapon?

It's still being considered!

And in somewhat related news....

guess what's kosher after all?

[sputnik monroe 102]

I found this on another simulation board. From what I picked up there this recoiless rifle was sold to the Chechyns by Russian MVD?

    The movie has a zany ending.  I couldn't stop laughing and nearly shot pepsi out my nose

Any way enjoy, it's only 2MB.

http://www.simondog.com/mvd/123.avi

PS... There is no gore and likely no death in the movie, the bulletinboard I found it on wouldn't allow it other wise. Trust me they are so strict that they don't allow politics to be discussed period so they would have yanked this weeks ago if it was unacceptable.

[Ares1978 0]

The oldest trick in the book.

Call me paranoid, but it looks a bit odd.

[sputnik monroe 102]

Yeah it kind of has a staged feel to it. When I searched in google for more info I only found one other site with with the clip. Unfortunetly it was in Cyrilic and I don't speak Russian. Would be nice to understand what they were saying.

[Ares1978 0]

Yeah it kind of has a staged feel to it. When I searched in google for more info I only found one other site with with the clip. Unfortunetly it was in Cyrilic and I don't speak Russian. Would be nice to understand what they were saying.

Link?

Babelfish usually saves the day.  

edit: Nevermind, found it myself. And babelfish didn't.

[Tovarish 0]

Post a link (or pm me if forum unsafe) and I can try to translate it .

Meanwhile, maybe someone should translate the "Do not Eat" sign on the Claymore mine for the Sri Lankan army:

'Forced to eat' explosives

Quote[/b] ]Colombo - Sri Lanka's military launched an investigation into the poisoning of 17 soldiers on Sunday amid allegations they had been forced to eat plastic explosives during a training exercise.

The 17 soldiers undergoing commando training were admitted to a hospital early on Sunday, a military official here said adding that one of them was in a critical condition.

An initial military report suggested the men may have handled the explosives before eating and ingested them accidentally. But subsequently military police were called in to probe allegations that they had been forced to eat highly malleable C-4 type plastic explosives.

An instructor of the soldiers had fled the base in northern Sri Lanka following the incident, a military source said.

Government troops have been observing a truce with Tamil Tiger rebels since February 23 2002, in an insurgency that has claimed more than 60 000 lives since 1972.

[EiZei 0]

Post a link (or pm me if forum unsafe) and I can try to translate it .

Meanwhile, maybe someone should translate the "Do not Eat" sign on the Claymore mine for the Sri Lankan army:

'Forced to eat' explosives

Quote[/b] ]Colombo - Sri Lanka's military launched an investigation into the poisoning of 17 soldiers on Sunday amid allegations they had been forced to eat plastic explosives during a training exercise.

The 17 soldiers undergoing commando training were admitted to a hospital early on Sunday, a military official here said adding that one of them was in a critical condition.

An initial military report suggested the men may have handled the explosives before eating and ingested them accidentally. But subsequently military police were called in to probe allegations that they had been forced to eat highly malleable C-4 type plastic explosives.

An instructor of the soldiers had fled the base in northern Sri Lanka following the incident, a military source said.

Government troops have been observing a truce with Tamil Tiger rebels since February 23 2002, in an insurgency that has claimed more than 60 000 lives since 1972.

Talk about explosive diarrhea.

<span id='ME'><center>EiZei hides</center></span>

[cozza 24]

dosnt Plastic Explosives detonate when a electric currant hits it

[Silent N Deadly 0]

That would really suck for them.

[DracoPaladore 0]

That would really suck for them.  

No, that'd really blow.

[ralphwiggum 6]

not military, but police related.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/03/03/sweden.portly.ap/index.html

Quote[/b] ]STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) -- Portly Swedish police have a new reason to work out thanks to a new security entrance at the National Police headquarters that won't let them in if they weigh too much.

A construction error in the recently remodeled security entrance, which has a built-in scale designed to only let one person at a time pass through the door, has caused some embarrassing moments for officers who may not have spent enough time exercising.

Those weighing more than 230 pounds (105 kilograms) who try to pass through the entrance are greeted by a recorded voice telling them: "Stop! One at a time!" and are not let through, police spokeswoman Linda Widmark said.

She said the scale is supposed to be adjustable to let people weighing up to 160 kilograms (350 pounds) pass through, but an apparent construction error is playing tricks on those with ample girth.

"We'll have to get that fixed," Widmark said. "We've got some big strong men around here."

The security entrance is mainly for visitors and police denied entrance can use other doors.

"There are other options for them," she said.

[-33ker 0]

Yeah, kopps and their lust for donuts!

[canukausiuka 1]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,149681,00.html

Quote[/b] ]Immovable Object Struck by Irresistible Force

OSLO, Norway (AP) — Norwegian homeowner Odin Viken woke with a jolt Monday, fearing his house was being shaken by an earthquake.

But this earthquake was man-made: A 26-ton tank slammed into Viken's house in Vassbotna, some 350 miles north of Oslo, the military said.

The Norwegian tank, a CV-90 armored fighting vehicle (search), was part of the 15-nation Battle Griffin military exercise in western and northern Norway, a statement said. There were no injuries.

The tank went through a wall and part way into the bathroom, Viken said on national radio.

"It sounded like an earthquake. The whole house shook, and it was terrible," he said. "I was very afraid and very angry."

The military said the cause of the accident was being investigated, while Viken said the driver told him that he lost control after the vehicle struck an ice patch.

It has not been good week for Norwegian tank drivers.

On Wednesday, a 40-ton Leopard tank (search) ran over a nearly new Mercedes-Benz on a roadway, flattening half the car but causing no injuries.

The Battle Griffin exercise with 14,000 NATO and other troops lasts through March 11.

Quote[/b] ]The tank went through a wall and part way into the bathroom, Viken said on national radio.

good thing nobody was on the can at the time

[theavonlady 2]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,149681,00.html

Quote[/b] ]Immovable Object Struck by Irresistible Force

OSLO, Norway (AP) — Norwegian homeowner Odin Viken woke with a jolt Monday, fearing his house was being shaken by an earthquake.

But this earthquake was man-made: A 26-ton tank slammed into Viken's house in Vassbotna, some 350 miles north of Oslo, the military said.

Again?!?!?!

Something is very very wrong with Norway's armor corps:

Quote[/b] ]Man survives being runover by tank

From correspondents in Oslo

March 04, 2005

From: Agence France-Presse  

A NORWEIGIAN couple survived unscathed when a 40-tonne tank taking part in an international military exercise in central Norway ran over and crushed their car, military sources said.

"The accident is being investigated by military police. It is too early to say how this could have happened," military spokeswoman Pia Width SAID.

A Leopard tank taking part in the exercise involving 15 nations and approximately 14,000 troops ran over a Mercedes parked on the side of a road in Grong at around 6pm. Neither of the two people inside were injured.

"We stopped the car after pulling way out into the snowdrift (on the side of the road), but the tank just kept coming at us without stopping ... Right after that, the tank drove up on the left side of the hood and continued over the windshield and the roof," driver Knut Okkenhaug, 57, told Norwegian daily Aftenposten.

"I leaned over as far as I could towards my wife, but I could feel the car ceiling pressing down on my left shoulder. Right after that my left cheek bone was pressed against the ceiling ... Looking back on it, it is incredible that I survived," he added.

Width meanwhile insisted that the military was doing everything it could to avoid accidents during the ongoing "Battle Griffin" exercise, being held between February 21 and March 11.

"We have tried to make our soldiers conscious of the dangers that exist when they are driving on civilian roads ... One accident is one accident too many. We can thank our lucky stars this time that no one was injured," she said.

[DracoPaladore 0]

Are Norwegian tank drivers crazy?

[-33ker 0]

Battle Griffin heh? One Of my Friend's Father is up there with the Dutch Airforce.