Military Humor

[ran 0]

agreed there ...

well, this doesn't mean they don't have all the girls they wantwhen they're back home

and now, something completely different :

"Mikhail Mouse"

[EiZei 0]

http://images.somethingawful.com/zack....ade.jpg

On back of a humvee stationed in N. Iraq.

[DarkLight 0]

http://images.somethingawful.com/zack....ade.jpg

On back of a humvee stationed in N. Iraq.

What the hell is an IED?

[DarkLight 0]

agreed there ...

well, this doesn't mean they don't have all the girls they wantwhen they're back home

and now, something completely different :

"Mikhail Mouse"

Is this really true?

Ok sorry for the stupid question but i DO wonder

[ran 0]

http://images.somethingawful.com/zack....ade.jpg

On back of a humvee stationed in N. Iraq.

What the hell is an IED?

Improvised Explosive Device, roadside bombs if you prefer.

[DarkLight 0]

http://images.somethingawful.com/zack....ade.jpg

On back of a humvee stationed in N. Iraq.

What the hell is an IED?

Improvised Explosive Device, roadside bombs if you prefer.

That explains everything

[Mister Frag 0]

Video of mishaps from air drops:

Air Drop Mishaps (WMV format, ~1.8MB)

[Doc. Zaius 0]

Video of mishaps from air drops:

  Air Drop Mishaps (WMV format, ~1.8MB)

Awesome. Reminds me of this...

Quote[/b] ]To LtCol Ventura,

Sir I am DJ Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F16 fighter pilot of the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in my life. What could I do to get in the academy.

Sincerely

DJ Baker

-----End of Original Message-----

Subject: FW: Anybody want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?

From: Lt Col Ventura

Dear DJ,

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter pilots. Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've found most fighter pilots pompous, back-stabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming an USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative.

What you REALLY want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging, and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT.

And this, young DJ, means one thing - the venerable, workhorse C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 ft above the ground, while trying to interpret a 9-line to a new DZ, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch, with the engineer in the back taking a piss and the navigator puking in his trash can!

I tell you, DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at. Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HMMWVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedos the General's staff car! No where else can you land on a 3000' dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff off the ramp without even stopping, then take off again before range control can call to tell you you've landed on the wrong LZ!

And talk about exotic travel-when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the culture enough to give any local population a bad taste in their mouths, not something those strat-lift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!

As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these. Take a lot of math courses. You will need all the advanced math skills you can muster to facilitate the calculation of per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85% of the whole thing.

Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the shits catches up to you from that meal you ate at that place that had the belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce!

Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest titty bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and culture.

A foreign language is helpful, but not required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it's much easier to ignore them and go where you want to anyway.

A study of geography is also paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to you living room wall, right next to that gigantic wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection.

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about that Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education.

A nice, big state college would be a much better choice.

Good luck and see you on the SKE scope!

Maj. Lowenfast

Found here.

[redliner47 0]

that has to be one of the funnies things i have ever seen

[Rishon 0]

that has to be one of the funnies things i have ever seen

Ditto.

[sputnik monroe 102]

I cringed when the guy smacked the tree and the other guy slammed into the truck. Hope they wern't crippeled for life.

[blackdog~ 0]

I doubt it.

I really enjoyed the truck falling out of the plane and going along at a million miles an hour right side up. Was that half of a Gama Goat or something?

[hellfish6 7]

Actually, when I think about it the Airlift guys in the Air Force do have it good. They don't fly for more than 8 hours at a time (normally, anyways, it might be different now with a war on) and when they land, they can do whatever the hell they want. When I deployed to Kuwait, our aircrew diverted from Iceland to Spain and once in Spain (at a Spanish air base) they immediately rented a car, got a hotel off-base (and you know the Air Force paid for that!) and showed up 2 days later.

Meanwhile, us cargo types were confined to transient barracks for 24 hours, and then released upon the poor Spaniards for another 24 hours of drunken mayhem (and I bet there was a huge spike in fatherless babies with dual American/Spanish citizenship in Sevilla because of it).

So what am I saying? Join the Air Force.

[Mister Frag 0]

I doubt it.

I really enjoyed the truck falling out of the plane and going along at a million miles an hour right side up. Was that half of a Gama Goat or something?

It was a forklift, you can see it in the close-up segment near the end of the video. The forklift definitely takes the prize for distance. I can't believe the damn thing didn't flip.

The vehicle coming down in a freefall with the chute opening just before impact is funny, too -- I bet that will buff right out. A dropzone is very hazardous place to be...

[DarkLight 0]

I doubt it.

You doubt it? I don't know man, going down at such speeds and landing with your legs spread on one of those nice and hard branches... I bet he didn't feel very happy...

[DracoPaladore 0]

Video of mishaps from air drops:

  Air Drop Mishaps (WMV format, ~1.8MB)

That was great. I especially love the part where the car/truck/thing rolls away pretty fast.

[The Frenchman 0]

Binge Drinking, its not just for the public anymore.

[DracoPaladore 0]

Are those German uniforms?

Balschoiw?

[Balschoiw 0]

Yes but the pic looks really old. Check the old helmet on the left. I´d say early 90´s

[Gollum1 0]

Hmm, great idea, I bet that worked out really well.

[vektorboson 8]

Yes but the pic looks really old. Check the old helmet on the left. I´d say early 90´s  

We still had those helmets in 2001 in the Luftwaffe, so I guess this pic isn't that old.

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]We still had those helmets in 2001 in the Luftwaffe, so I guess this pic isn't that old.

Hard to tell...although the guy in the back left doesn´t look like a Luftwaffew guy when you check his uniform

It´s just too dirty for Luftwaffe

I checked the link in the pic but that brought me to some explicit page only

[-33ker 0]

OMG It's Oettinger!

I can't stand watching this picture any loger! That poor soldier.... he must feel like an Iraqi prisoner!

[Necromancer- 0]

OMG It's Oettinger!

I can't stand watching this picture any loger! That poor soldier.... he must feel like an Iraqi prisoner!

If he can't stand the taste of beer... then he would...

Other than that... to me it would feel like I would be trapped in a room with Jennifer Lopez, Carmen Electra, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar who are eager to "spoil" me.

[DarkLight 0]

OMG It's Oettinger!

I can't stand watching this picture any loger! That poor soldier.... he must feel like an Iraqi prisoner!

If he can't stand the taste of beer... then he would...

Other than that... to me it would feel like I would be trapped in a room with Jennifer Lopez, Carmen Electra, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar who are eager to "spoil" me.  

I bet you like beer