Military Humor

[Badgerboy 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I remember in the good old days, when I worked for the Swedish Airforce, I could drive around with a car loaded with HMG's, AK's and ammo up the whazzo. Now you cant do that anymore, need escorts and such. I guess someone is slowly learning their lessons. : )

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I know, I was taking 3 Brownings with me down to a RAF range,and had to fill in reams of paperwork. However, I did like the 4th paragraph, which explained that if the weapons were taken from me, I could use 'All necesary force' to retrieve them. If only someone had tried, I had bull bars on the front of the car, and I've never hunted humans with them before.

[Jinef 2]

Cool, i never really deal with guns much anyway so i wouldn't be held responsible.

[Badgerboy 0]

It was a shooting competition at Bisley.

We did badly. Hangovers and firearms don't mix!

[Jinef 2]

Hehe,

I used to be a member of Cardiff rifle club (i was persuaded) and we would compete against the so19 police snipers, they were usually very nice about how crap we were!

[nolips71 0]

hehe badgerboy know the feeling. you need at least 2 cars for 6 L98s and 8 no 8 rifles whats the point

[-TU--33ker 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Badgerboy @ Mar. 18 2003,17:16)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">It was a shooting competition at Bisley.

We did badly. Hangovers and firearms don't mix!<span id='postcolor'>

lol that reminds me of that i have to go to Düsseldorf to the air rifle championships of Northrhine-Westphalia next Saturday but i'm going to a concert (with a lot of alcohol consumption included) the Fiday before!

[nolips71 0]

the second gulf war has been going less then a week and the yanks are doing what they do best SHOOTING ANYTHING THAT MOVES

[ralphwiggum 6]

no flame baits.

[red oct 2]

Found some more amusing military related humor:

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.

[-TU--33ker 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Red Oct @ Mar. 24 2003,06:11)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Found some more amusing military related humor:

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.<span id='postcolor'>

crazy idea! hey i'll change my name to Jonny Lego, next time i'll be around the town hall.

[MrMilli 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Red Oct @ Mar. 24 2003,05:11)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Found some more amusing military related humor:

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.<span id='postcolor'>

<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>W</span><span style='color:yellow'>A</span><span style='color:blue'>C</span><span style='color:yellow'>K</span><span style='color:Blue'>O</span><span style='color:red'>O</span></span>

[nolips71 0]

i cant seem to see the resembelance

[-TU--33ker 0]

lol wrong thread buddy?!

[nolips71 0]

no it is military stupidity

[Othin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (nolips71 @ Mar. 24 2003,09:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">no it is military stupidity<span id='postcolor'>

Because obviously shooting down missiles is done by eye sight alone right?

If you know anything about the Patriot System then you would know that the system is slaved to an IFF interregator and if the IFF system on the Tornado wasn't squaking then the system assumed it was hostile.

Since you're an expert on the Patriot you also know that it's mainly a SAM system right? If that was an Iraqi plane flying over the border, it wouldn't have the correct IFF codes or IFF codes at all so the system would engage it. Planes move quick, and this system dosen't work like the Russian systems so it's mainly automated (for better or worse).

The Patriot missile crews don't have the ability or even the option of "asking" every hostile return if they're really a good guy with broken equipment.

It was a sad, horrible event. My heart goes out to the families of the pilots. But I don't think finger pointing and calling it stupidity is helpful or even correct.

There was a breakdown in technology somewhere, either the interregator broke, or the transponder on the Tornado broke or was loaded with the wrong codes. There is also the possibility that somewhere someone screwed up on the battlespace deconfliction...

[nolips71 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Othin @ Mar. 24 2003,21:12)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (nolips71 @ Mar. 24 2003,09:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">no it is military stupidity<span id='postcolor'>

The Patriot missile crews don't have the ability or even the option of "asking" every hostile return if they're really a good guy with broken equipment.<span id='postcolor'>

the americans dont usally ask anyway

[Othin 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (nolips71 @ Mar. 24 2003,12:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Othin @ Mar. 24 2003,21:12)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (nolips71 @ Mar. 24 2003,09:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">no it is military stupidity<span id='postcolor'>

The Patriot missile crews don't have the ability or even the option of "asking" every hostile return if they're really a good guy with broken equipment.<span id='postcolor'>

the americans dont usally ask anyway<span id='postcolor'>

lollo amerikkkanz r dum

The point you're trying to make is invalid because in this case there is no way to ask.

[ralphwiggum 6]

ok that's it nolips71.

you were warned, you ignored. couple that with past behaviour, i'm giving you 1 month.

i'd have banned you permanently as i said at that time, but since you've ebeen behaving until this point i'm reducing it.

this thread is about light hearted mil stupidity not venting your anger.

[DarkLight 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (MrMilli @ Mar. 23 2003,16:24)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Red Oct @ Mar. 24 2003,05:11)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Found some more amusing military related humor:

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.<span id='postcolor'>

<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>W</span><span style='color:yellow'>A</span><span style='color:blue'>C</span><span style='color:yellow'>K</span><span style='color:Blue'>O</span><span style='color:red'>O</span></span><span id='postcolor'>

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">"I got a letter from a general at the Pentagon when the name change went through and he says it was great to have the employ of the commander of the Autobots in the National Guard."<span id='postcolor'>

Hehehe, gotta love the americans

[doc1011 0]

Hahahaha Prime! that's awesome...only in america!

don't have any Military stupidity stories but keep um coming i'm enjoying reading them

[red oct 2]

something my sister sent me (she's in the Navy)

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Common Sense Statements for Military Personnel

A lot of life's problems can be explained by the US Military and its applications of common sense....

1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." Paul Rodriguez

2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit" - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

3. "Aim towards the Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.(U.S. Marine Corps)

5. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.(U.S. Air Force.)

6. If the enemy is in range, so are you. (Infantry Journal.)

7. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.(U.S. Air Force Manual.)

8. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. (Gen. MacArthur.)

9. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo. (Infantry Journal.)

10. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me. (U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.)

11. Tracers work both ways. (U.S. Army Ordnance.)

12. Five second fuses only last three seconds. (Infantry Journal.)

13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything. (U. S Navy Swabbie.)

14. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. (David Hackworth.)

15. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush. (Infantry Journal.)

16. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. (Joe Gay.)

17. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . once. (Admiral Hornblower.)

18. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. (Unknown Marine Recruit.)

19. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you. (Your Buddies.)

20. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. (Saddam Hussein.)

21. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly. (David Hackworth.)

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[Necromancer- 0]

Ack..

Autobots in the US Military.

Transform!!

<span id='ME'><center>Necromancer- turns into a T-72</center></span>

See? The Iraqi have the Decepticons!

What's next?

Voice Activated Weaponry?

"Autobot Patriot!"

[Schoeler 0]

A story about cultural faux pas, courtesy of the U.S. Navy:

My Dad told me this story.  He was on his WestPac cruise in 1971 (U.S.S. Marvin Shields DE1066), and his ship had just left the gunline off Yankee Station in North Vietnam.  They headed towards Hiroshima Japan for some much needed R&R.  They arrived in Hiroshima on August 6th 1971.  The sailors departed the ship for liberty, and hit the beach looking for a place to party.  It turns out that the town of Hiroshima was throwing a bash at the local town hall.  What luck!  The sailors showed up at the party intent on doing a little cultural interaction, and to sample the local Saki and beer.  They crashed the party.  The townspeople were decidedly unhappy about this.  The glared at the sailors, started shouting apparently hostile phrases in Japanese at the sailors, and looked as if they were on the verge of violent action towards the sailors.  A few of the sailors began helping themselves to some of the food and ordered drinks at the bar.  Unsure of how to handle the situation, the Japanese bartender politlely served the sailors.  The mayor and a local constable of some sort then immediately demanded the Americans put down their drinks and leave.  The constable began seizing the sailors drinks and pointing them towards the door.  The sailors, intially perplexed, became indignant, and demanded to know why they were being thrown out.  The mayor, the only member of the party proficient in English, explained rather rudely that the people of Hiroshima weren't particular towards Americans, and were insulted by their presence at their commemorative ceremony for the day the a-bomb was dropped!  As the constable and some of the local youths began forcing the first of the sailors out the door of the town hall (who incidently was a rather large African American cook named Alvin, who was also quite drunk already), he yelled loudly that he and his shipmates were going to go back to the ship and that they would bomb the town again.  All hell broke loose.  Old ladies, children, men of all ages began pummelling the sailors, throwing bottles and food at them, and generally kicking their asses.  The shore patrol showed up and ended up having to rescue the sailors from the locals.  Everyone, battered and bruised headed back to the ship.  The next day, the local government asked the ship to leave the port.  So much for the R&R.  The moral of this story is:  Pay attention to all the little details when visiting a foreign land, including local history.

[Warin 0]

Good lord

Exactly why drunk sailors need to be segregated when in some foreign ports. Or at least be given some admonitions about local customs! I cant believe the one guy suggested they could bomb the town again. How stupid!

[Schoeler 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Warin @ April 14 2003,23:19)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Good lord

Exactly why drunk sailors need to be segregated when in some foreign ports.  Or at least be given some admonitions about local customs!  I cant believe the one guy suggested they could bomb the town again.  How stupid!<span id='postcolor'>

Yeah, not too bright. My Dad tells this story better. Apparently the locals who were at first just being extremely hostile went berserk. Even old people and little kids joined the fray. It was a huge riot. Luckily nobody got seriously hurt.