Military Humor

[deadmoroz 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Most of the fortifications were made by chinese prisoners brought in by russians during 19th century. They digged trenches and built fortifications. Of course, the death rate was unbelievably high. Every time a chinese worker fell he would be buried at the spot; you can easily find human bones next to the trenches with only a little digging. When the fortifications were complete, the remaining chinese were taken with ferries to the middle of Finnish Gulf. Russian soldiers broke the bottom of the ferries and all the chinese prisoners drowned. What a nice pay for a work well done.

<span id='postcolor'>

Russians have NEVER fight against China! You are wrong. Study World history more

[Cloney 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Beeny @ June 17 2002,16:59)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">well here is a bit of military stupidity for ya!! when my cousins were in kosovo for the UK in the NATO peacekeeping operation, those feckin stupid american soldiers wanted to swap their winter jackets for some cans of beer and a bar of chocolate. anyone else got an opinion on weho is the most stupid soldiers in the world? i gotta vote for those darn americans, allways killing each other in friendly fire too!! <span id='postcolor'>

I have to say you are the dumest person on the world! Oh and we aren't always blowing ourselves up, Sometimes we fell extra mean and blow up Canadians as well...

[Longinius 1]

"I have to say you are the dumest person on the world! Oh and we aren't always blowing ourselves up, Sometimes we fell extra mean and blow up Canadians as well..."

...and Afghani weddings.

[Cloney 0]

Yes and those... Sometimes we feel the need to destroy entire villages of innocent Vietnamese, but thats the extent of our meaness...

[Longinius 1]

"Yes and those... Sometimes we feel the need to destroy entire villages of innocent Vietnamese, but thats the extent of our meaness..."

...except for when you nuke Japanese cities... ;/

[Oligo 1]

Longinius, you're almost reaching my level of sarcasm!

[R. Gerschwarzenge 0]

Reaching your level of sarcasm would be a huge accomplishment.

[scout 0]

just look at this beauty

if im no mistaken i told this story. but.i'll tell you again:

as i was standing with a recce platoon i was tutoring in a midst of a Bat. Ex., i saw a jeep come and park behind a tank.

from the jeep jumped two NBC instructors and hurried in front and throw a CS granade.

what did the tank do? well what he had to do, get behind cover and secure the tank.

but when he raced back........he, kinda, got on top of the jeep, and squashed it, just a little..........

well, there are two adds to this story:

1. the jeep was their Lt.Col. new jeep. i tell ya HE really didnt appriciate it

2. because this guy had photographed with the tank, and apparently published it on the net, he was thrown to jail for couple of weeks and out of the army  

[ralphwiggum 6]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (scout @ July 04 2002,05:53)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">

just look at this beauty <span id='postcolor'>

GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

yes you did...

but visula aid really helps!

[Cloney 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Longinius @ July 03 2002,09:51)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">"Yes and those... Sometimes we feel the need to destroy entire villages of innocent Vietnamese, but thats the extent of our meaness..."

...except for when you nuke Japanese cities... ;/<span id='postcolor'>

No... They deserved it. Especially when they commit something like the Rape of Nanking 200,000-300,000 dead...

[Sadico 1]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">No... They deserved it. Especially when they commit something like the Rape of Nanking 200,000-300,000 dead...<span id='postcolor'>

So, the Japanese civilians of Hiroshima and Nagasaki deserved being nuked because the fucking emperor thought it was a good idea to start a war?

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

look the whole of world war two was a military stupidity so we're not going to get anywhere with this

[Tex -USMC- 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Sadico @ July 05 2002,21:06)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">No... They deserved it.  Especially when they commit something like the Rape of Nanking 200,000-300,000 dead...<span id='postcolor'>

So, the Japanese civilians of Hiroshima and Nagasaki deserved being nuked because the fucking emperor thought it was a good idea to start a war?   <span id='postcolor'>

Well, it was either that or we couldve finished up the Japanese Home Islands like Saipan, where the remaining Japanese military held the Marines off while the last few Japanese civilians jumped off a cliff. If we invaded the Japanese Home Islands, we are talking millions dead. And the toll on the Japanese side wouldve been much higher on the Japanese side.

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

its easy to rationalise from both sides of that argument

dropping nuclear bombs on civilians is never going to be pretty

and neither is invading imperialist Japan

so thats that.

[desantnik 0]

Sorry comp had a bit of a freeze the rest of the story in my next post....

[Paratrooper 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (desantnik @ July 08 2002,05:24)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">This is a true story (either that or he was a really really really good storyteller) I heard from one of my Dads friends. You see we are from Russia but currently live in the U.S. My Dads friend Serguei had a brother who was in the Vosdushniye Sile, or Airborne forces.

Serguei's brother was assigned with his battalion size task force to some country in lower Russian like Uzbekistan or Tajikistan, dont remember which but it was after the CCCP collapsed, and this battalion was sent to clean up a base for troops that would be following. After being dropped off the men set to work..... It was pretty much done and a general and one of his staff came for inspection. After taking a quick tour around the base followed up by a traditional welcome with zakuski and vokda the general decided he wanted to go hunting. Now let me tell you, in this region there are a lot of wild boers or small cows or something of that sort. Now the general and his aide grabbed two AK-74, a box of ammo, rations, radio, and some vodka ( of course) and jumped into their gazik. They left the base promising to come back in a day. Well a day passed, the troops thought they decided to stay the night and camp out. Another day passed...the personal got worried as there was no word of them, no radio contact, nothing....<span id='postcolor'>

Guns and Vodka don't mix!

[desantnik 0]

This is a true story (either that or he was a really really really good storyteller) I heard from one of my Dads friends. You see we are from Russia but currently live in the U.S. My Dads friend Serguei had a brother who was in the Vosdushniye Sile, or Airborne forces.

      Serguei's brother was assigned with his battalion size task force to some country in lower Russian like Uzbekistan or Tajikistan, dont remember which but it was after the CCCP collapsed, and this battalion was sent to clean up a base for troops that would be following. After being dropped off the men set to work..... It was pretty much done and a general and one of his staff came for inspection. After taking a quick tour around the base followed up by a traditional welcome with zakuski and vokda the general decided he wanted to go hunting.

       Now let me tell you, in this region there are a lot of wild boers or small beasts of that stature or something of that sort. Now the general and his aide grabbed two AK-74, a box of ammo, rations, radio, and some vodka ( of course) and jumped into their gazik. They left the base promising to come back in a day.

       Well a day passed, the troops thought they decided to stay the night and camp out. Another day passed...the personal got worried as there was no word of them, no radio contact, nothing.... the personal sent a small helecopter a MI-8? to scout for them, nothing. Well on the third day, a team of specialist set out in their apc's and found the empty gazik, about 5 kilometers east, they found a campfire and empty vodka bottles. On the next hill they found 130 boer corpes, with about 100 strewn around an uprooted tree, shell casings and human remains strewn for 50 meters in every direction.

      It turns out that, the General and his aide decided to camp for the night, in the morning the drank and apparently had a bit too much. They spotted a herd or group of boers and decided to open fire, well apparently when they were firing the hit the young ones, these boers let out cries and rallied the defense of the remaining herd, well the General and his aide were chased up  a tree and started to fire down which enraged the animals even more. The guys firing down ran out of ammo and the animals dug the tree up with there tusks, now this wasn't a small tree. It was a big pine. The tree was completely pushed over and the roots were all torn up. The boers mauled the General and his aide to death. Unfortuantly when the tree came down the aide was trapped underneath it, poor bastard... was takin apart by the beasts.

      Pretty wild egh? Anyway the moral of this is, no matter how advanced we humans think we are and no matter how good our weaponry is, mother nature always manages to kick us in the ass at the end.

This is true story, unfortunatly I dont have any pictures to prove it but the content of those would only be suitable on sites like ogrish.com or something, Anyway this is military stupidity at one of its highest in the Russian army. I am sure we are not the only ones.

ANyway thats my contribution to this thread.

Dima

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

     

OOwch!

that sounds completly gory

good story (i wouldnt disbelieve it)

(but BTW it is spelt 'Boars' ,it wouldnt be a problem except 'Boers' are a people from south africa who had a war with the British... so when you wrote

"On the next hill they found 130 boer corpes, with about 100 strewn around an uprooted tree, shell casings and human remains strewn for 50 meters in every direction."

it made me think twice    )

[Tovarish 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (scout @ July 04 2002,05:53)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">

just look at this beauty

if im no mistaken i told this story. but.i'll tell you again:<span id='postcolor'>

Dude, you were there??     . LOL I remember seeing this picture years ago, in high school so must have been at least 3 years, and laughing my ass off  

This reminded me of another picture I saw long ago.... anyone got an explanation for this??

[Satchel 0]

Who did the Job

A representative picture of any army

This is the story of four Officers: Lt Everybody, Lt Somebody, Capt. Anybody and Major Nobody.

There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was sure, that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

[scout 0]

Tovarish:

it was in the early months of 2000.

i was about 60 m from there.

i tell you. it was a real tourist attraction!

[loopy 0]

A story by a good friend Dave Woods. X 1 Para(should have been in 2)

In 1983-84 1 Para took over as the British contingent of the AMFL (ACE {allied Command Europe} Mobile Force Land), this basically meant that we went to Norway to become Arctic warfare trained so as to be able to defend the northern flank if sovieticus Grunticus decided to come via Finland. In reality it meant a three month skiing holiday yearly for 4 years with more duty free than you could shake a stick at. In essence it was a PR job, letting the Norgies know that we'd be there for them if the screamin` hoards came via the northern route. We put on loads of PR type events like open days for the local mayor, and hosting HRH Prince Charles.

Unfortunately some of the "Over Snow, Go Anywhere" vehicles we had taken over from the previous unit had seen better days, and the first winter was not as comfortable as it could have been, particularly not for the Bn HQ and the CO who travelled around in some 10-15 of these Volvos. In true Bn HQ

fashion they chuntered enough to wake the dead on return to UK and eventually the Volvos were replaced by a much better, modern, upgraded vehicle made by Hagllund.

The Hagllunds were the business, they could swim, and climb near vertical slopes of treacherous mud. The Bn saw fit to start the PR process even before we got to Norway for the second year inviting the press to watch the Hagllunds go through their paces on the local (Salisbury plain) tank test tracks, and swimming in any available inland water. This ability to swim was seen as a great PR issue and we did a lot of it, in fact we were doin` it right up until the day before we left for Norway, now you must understand the Hagllunds were not fully waterproof but, equipped with a bilge pump and drain plugs there wasn't a possibility they could ever sink, and what water wasn't handled by the pump was allowed to drain away via the drain plugs once on dry land, this was also a good item for Norway where guys would get into the VERY warm Hagllunds covered in snow, which would melt but be directed out of the vehicle via the open drain plugs keeping the interior nice and dry, warm and homely for the CO and the rest of the head shed.

The time of year the AMFL went to Norway was chosen very carefully so as not to coincide with the major tourist period so although there were holiday makers on the slopes we were in the majority, and anyway the area where the Bn was stationed was not a real Skiing centre even though for us learners it was more than enough. The main earner for the area where 1 Para was stationed was Salmon fishing but in the winter with 2 feet of ice on all the local lakes & rivers fishing wasn't on the itinerary.

The accommodation the Bn used was local hotels etc., and the nearer to the head shed you were the better class of hotel your company or platoon got, so the CO was in a hotel with more stars than a knocked out boxer (The Lilland Hotel for anyone who knows the place) while me & my Pln (CVRT Pln) got a pension (Mr & Mrs Kardells) in the middle of nowhere.

The Lilland was a really grand place set up for wealthy salmon fisherman, but being a bit far out for the skiers who wanted to use the slopes of Voss, and bar the fact that the Bn HQ were there it would have been empty in the Winter. Just across the main road from the Lilland was a huge lake, big enough to drop a company onto (Yes we did!!!, but it was bloody hard cos.` under 2 feet of snow was the underlying 2 feet of ice. I do not know who was i/c of the advance party to the Lilland but they did a cracking job getting the place sorted out as befits the Bn HQ, you know the score, Higher the rank nearer to the crapper etc., unless your the CO in which case you get a crapper to yourself.

The parking arrangements for the Hagllunds was sorted out brilliantly as well. The MT. park was to be on the frozen lake, and the thickness of the ice was checked accordingly at over 2 feet, that was OK then.

The boat duly arrived at the docks and the precious Hagllunds were unloaded, put into packets and dispatched to their respective locations, the Lilland was about 80 Km from the docks, but this wasn't a problem, the heaters are more than capable of keeping the interior at a balmy 75 for the CO & Head Shed.

As the Bn HQ arrived at the Lilland a monkey with a hi viz jacket and glowing traffic wand directed the Hagllunds out onto the ice which was marked out with red mine tape to show each individual parking space. The CO was most impressed and lead the HQ into the hotel for a hot toddy or whatever they drank in there.

You will recall that right up until the day before sailing off to the frozen wastes of the Arctic circle the Hagllunds had been swimming, you will equally have worked out that the Hagllunds were on arrival at the Lilland lovely and warm, now comes the most basic of questions... What happens if you put something lovely and warm onto something frozen?.

Yes, of course it does. remember the drain plugs?. Not only do the let water flow out, they are pretty good at letting the stuff in as well.

The next morning instead of 10-15 brand new Hagllunds on the Ice there were 10-15 half submerged Hagllunds with just the cabs windows showing, frozen into the surface of the lake.

It took a week to break up the ice and thanks to the CVRTs Samson recovery vehicle and the AMFL workshops huge Antar recovery truck the CO and the head shed eventually got their precious Hagllunds out of, and not off of, the lake.

If that is not "Military Stupidity" what is!!!!!

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

Why would they park vehicles on the lake?

[JustinCase 0]

I think you could call this military crazyness:

F15 landing with only 1 wing

quote:"The most outstanding Eagle save was by a pilot from a foreign air force. During air combat training his two seater F-15 was involved in a mid-air collision with an A-4 Skyhawk. The A-4 crashed, and the Eagle lost its right wing from about 2ft. outboard. After some confusion between the instructor who said eject, and the student who outranked his instructor and said no, the F-15 was landed at its desert base. "

I wonder if that pilot will listen next time...

[FSPilot 0]

Ok, despite my name I'm not an Air Force pilot, but my Dad is. He spent 30 years in the United States Air Force partly as a C-141 pilot.

Well, the C-141 is a long-legged cargo plane, meaning it could fly for long amounts of time. Of course, it got real boring. So the pilots had to come up with some way of entertaining themselves. This is what my Dad's story is (no pictures, sorry).

On one of those long flights my Dad and his other pilot (copilot or pilot, I don't think he said) decided to have some fun. So they dug around some and found a long piece of yarn. They cut it in two and tied the pieces to each shoulder of the copilot, who remained seated. The pilot held the end of both pieces and carefully walked backwards. He walked up to some unfortunate passenger and said "Here, can you fly for a second? I gotta go take a piss. Pull on the left to turn left, pull on the right to turn right." and then ran off to the bathroom. When the passenger would pull on the string, the copilot would notice the tug on his shoulder and adjust the autopilot to turn the plane a little. This was over the atlantic without a lot of radar coverage, so nobody noticed. After a short while of the passenger "flying" the pilot would return and take the strings back, then walk back into the cockpit.

I can't imagine the passengers must have been thinking.