Military Humor

[ralphwiggum 6]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (arkadeyevich @ May 04 2002,08:56)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">I have put up a link instead to make the board less estetical displeasing, but I don't think it really matters if it is linked or on the board. If the image where unsuitable, I am sure I world have heard from one of the moderators by now.

Anyway, I think the "happy website" pictures really set the standard for ugliness on this forum. That unlucky cow wasn't even close.<span id='postcolor'>

I hope i didn't offend you or anything like that... I just wanted to make sure that it doesn't get criticized by someone who really takes offense at your picture. I really don't care about picture, but if ppl are intrigued, they will click the link, and if not, they will just go on. But if an image is there then everyone can see it.

Yes, that 'Happy Website' was the worst i've ever seen. made me go into editor and fire of 500 rounds from M60 just to relax.

anyway, I hope you didn't take it too personally.

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

intrigued by a cow?

HHhmmmmmmmm

cow

[loopy 0]

Another peace time exercise, but this time in Germany with NATO troops.  2Para was dropped and deployed along a line with units of BAOR troops as back up.  As with most exercises, nobody knew what was going on at the time, so we sat in our "bashas" for a few days scratching our bums and picking our noses making endless brews and enjoying those delicious compo rations.  One night a recce patrol was sent out (no umpire) to have a "look round" and after walking for about 7 miles we came up to a road.  There was no traffic, but in the distance down the hill, we could see some headlights heading our way.

The decision was made that if it was a private car we would let it pass, but any military vehicle would be stopped and searched for "enemy" troops.  Up the hill lumbered this truck, which was German, it was stopped and duly searched and you can imagine our surprise when we found it was full of ammo, fresh and tinned food heading for the "enemy" lines.  Well what could 9 tired and hungry Para's do when confronted with a situation like this?  The driver and his mate were tied up and blindfolded (protesting strongly in broken English that it was 'Verboten' to steal German Army supplies) dumped on the side of the road while we all jumped into the truck and drove back down the road until we found a secluded spot to hide it.

Now what to do with all this lovely grub?  We were not carrying anything to stash the 'loot' in, so we sat down for a feed on tinned peaches, pineapple and pears.  Later, as we groaned and burped our way back to camp, we made a note of where the truck was hidden and over the next couple of nights it was gradually emptied of it's load, (except for the ammo)  Funny enough, no questions were ever asked about the "extra rations" that suddenly appeared out of nowhere,

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

LOL

[RedStar 0]

what happened to the ammo?

mmmmmmm. 2nd Para? Take it we know Lee Cleg then?

[IceFire 0]

Hey Red Star,

Are you IRA? You have that picture of that IRA soldier. I used that picture in a school report.

And you have that "Starry Plough Flag".

What's training like? Is it hard? Is it like a real military?

[RedStar 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (IceFire @ May 16 2002,17:37)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Hey Red Star,

Are you IRA?  You have that picture of that IRA soldier.  I used that picture in a school report.

And you have that "Starry Plough Flag".

What's training like?  Is it hard?  Is it like a real military?<span id='postcolor'>

No, sorry, I am not in the IRA nor do I have any sympathy to the IRA but being from Ireland I do have some insight to their organisation.

The IRA has no basic of physical training but their weapons training is of a higher standard because of their use of guerrilla tactics rather than standard military tactics

The starry plough flag is the flag of the Irish Republican Socialist Party who are the political wing of the INLA who was formed in 1974 to protect the IRSP from the OIRA. See Here

[IceFire 0]

Oh, ok.

But you don't support the IRA, but you support the Northern Irish Republican parties?

That don't make sense to me?

I thought the Republican Socialists were for the IRA and not for the Unionists. (I think unionists are the folks who support the British, I did a report on this a while ago, don't remember)

[RedStar 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (IceFire @ May 19 2002,14:16)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Oh, ok.

But you don't support the IRA, but you support the Northern Irish Republican parties?

That don't make sense to me?

I thought the Republican Socialists were for the IRA and not for the Unionists.  (I think unionists are the folks who support the British, I did a report on this a while ago, don't remember)<span id='postcolor'>

The IRSP is the only socialist republican party in Ireland who's military wing is the INLA.

Other republican parties include:

Republican Sinn Fein who's military wing is the CIRA.

32 County sovernty committie who's military wing is the RIRA

and the Workers Party who's military wing is the OIRA

The IRA and Sinn fein were socialists when they were formed but this has changed and their actions since their ceasefire and accension to power proved otherwise.

All Republican parties (except for SinnFein) disagree with the Good Friday Agreement which is flawed and sectarian.

The education minister Martin Mcgunniess has started to implement a PFI (public finance initiative, or PPP , public private partnership as it is known in Britian) which in other words lets private companies to run the schools and bill the government ofcourse at a profit. The Health minister Barbra deBrun is running the health sector into the ground accusing the last government on it.

Not as reported in the press the IRA do NOT have full support of the Catholic population of N' Ireland. When Loyalists (actually just one section the UDA) attack catholic enclaves and the people living there try to defend themselves the IRA threaten them and clear them so that SF can show off the blastbombs thrown by Loyalists to the reporters to elevate their status to the British establishment.

This however is changing and support for republicans such as the RIRA and the INLA is growning and especially the INLA who are now carrying out armed patrols in areas where the UDA attacks occur (just like in 1969).

This teamed with the abandonment of republican prisoners still in prisons and the harasment and treatment of the IRA against their people is going to be their downfall.

It is only because Sinn Fein carry out election fraud that it seems that they are so powerful.

[Noone 4]

Howdy

Long time no see... I am back. Well, could have dumped a couple of stories, but don't recall what have i told already... Anyway... What's up lads ?

[Guest]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Howdy

Long time no see... I am back. Well, could have dumped a couple of stories, but don't recall what have i told already... Anyway... What's up lads ?

<span id='postcolor'>

Welcome back noon! Well, what's been happening in the forums? Let's see: Well for one thing we have abandoned all the military stuff and only talk about football

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

Hello Noone which country are you in now?

seems like a different one every time you reappear!

[Noone 4]

"Welcome back noon! Well, what's been happening in the forums? Let's see: Well for one thing we have abandoned all the military stuff and only talk about football"

Hehe, too bad i really don't understand much in football and stuff... I am rather more educated in military affairs

"Hello Noone which country are you in now?

seems like a different one every time you reappear!"

Hi ! Right now i am in Israel, but we have decided with my wife to move on to Australia. I have lived there for a while and want to go back there for good. So in a half-year or something i am going to realocate there

[scout 0]

hello people!

long time no see

hows every thing?

and Denoir, ho the hell did you allow the "therapy" topic to pass the "mideast" topic? outrageous!

[nordin dk 0]

It's only because you weren't there to argue endlessly with him

[scout 0]

just practicing fast typing thats all

[Guest]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (scout @ June 14 2002,01:02)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">and Denoir, ho the hell did you allow the "therapy" topic to pass the "mideast" topic? outrageous!<span id='postcolor'>

Two words mate: sexual frustration

[ralphwiggum 6]

good to see you noone!

it's been awhile!

so any news about that russian officer who was drunk?

[Beeny 0]

well here is a bit of military stupidity for ya!! when my cousins were in kosovo for the UK in the NATO peacekeeping operation, those feckin stupid american soldiers wanted to swap their winter jackets for some cans of beer and a bar of chocolate. anyone else got an opinion on weho is the most stupid soldiers in the world? i gotta vote for those darn americans, allways killing each other in friendly fire too!!

[Guest]

Hello Beeny. Welcome to the forums. Congratulations of making an ass of yourself in one of your first posts.

Yellow card for you.

[loopy 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Noone @ June 14 2002,08:58)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">we have decided with my wife to move on to Australia. I have lived there for a while and want to go back there for good. So in a half-year or something  i am going to realocate there  <span id='postcolor'>

G`day noone where are you hoping to move to in this great land downunder you migrating? where did you live before in oz

[cam0flage 0]

I'm feeling pretty bored so i'm going to tell you a few stories.

We got a sudden mission a few weeks ago; we had to take control of all the islands situated in the front of Helsinki. My platoon was assigned to this island called Vallisaari, which is today a closed one. No civilians have been living there since the 1970s. It has a long history involving a lot of people and troops from different countries.

The island has a lot of fortifications and some old naval guns. Most of the fortifications were made by chinese prisoners brought in by russians during 19th century. They digged trenches and built fortifications. Of course, the death rate was unbelievably high. Every time a chinese worker fell he would be buried at the spot; you can easily find human bones next to the trenches with only a little digging. When the fortifications were complete, the remaining chinese were taken with ferries to the middle of Finnish Gulf. Russian soldiers broke the bottom of the ferries and all the chinese prisoners drowned. What a nice pay for a work well done.

Anyway, here comes the main story. The leader of my platoon told that a ghost of a russian officer with his head cut off walks around the fortifications during the nighttime. Sometime during the 1850s russian officers had been drinking vodka at the officer's club: One of them came up with a crazy bet: Who would dare to take a straight hit with the flat side of the saber to their own chest? Of course the drunken russians were instantly up for it, and one officer ended up having his head cut off.

So, we had patrols going out every 45 minutes by foot, walking around the fortifications and scanning the beaches with night vision binoculars. We decided to check out the officer's club every time we pass it and try to spot the ghost. Too bad, the poor lad did his best to avoid us, and we didn't meet him. I'm going back to Vallisaari in a few months when we have another exercise there, I hope the officer's schedule isn't full then.

// cam0flage

[ralphwiggum 6]

trying to see ghost with nightvision goggles?

[cam0flage 0]

Ghostbusters used NVG too! Plus it was dark!

// cam0flage

[IsthatyouJohnWayne 0]

I thought ghosts were supposed to glow in the dark?