Love and War

[Baz 0]

After thinking about what would happen when commiting to somebody, I have toyed around with the notion of joining the military. Well I can see the need to be involved in the military, the feeling of not only protecting your country... But also your loved ones. And it makes me wonder should the need arise for me to join up, how would my loved one take it? Would she take it very badly and stop at nothing to keep me from going? Or would she understand and support me on my decision. Well seeing how there's a bunch of military guys here, some even vets. How did you take it? Leaving your loved one.... And how did your love one react? What was it like comming back home to them? I'd imagine it would be like the first time you met each other. This is a very interesting topic, and i'd like to get serious response. There are not too many topics in the forums that describe the human aspect of the military.

[Balschoiw 0]

It very much depends on the person.

While some can go alone over a certain period of time and will try to make it as easy for you as it can get, some others simply can´t stand the fears they have and will suffer to a point where they don´t want to take all that and will try to get away from you. Both has to be accepted.

Talk to her about it. Not just one evening but very often. Don´t hesitate to tell her the truth about the dangers as it is better for her to know it from you than from a glossy newspaper.

If she thinks she can´t take it, don´t do it. It would make no sense anyway as a breakdown of her during your mission will leave you totally helpless as you can´t go to your officer and ask him for a quick flight home. Such things have to be taken serious if you respect and honor her.

If she is ok with you going on abroad duties, maintain contact at all costs. It´s not always easy to do that as you are thrown intoa complete different setup and surrounding that is often hard to understand for outsiders but do it. Tell her about your daily doings (if permitted to do so) try to write, phone her as much as you can and don´t only think that you are the only one that suffers. She has to go on with regular life and as we all know regular life can be tricky and demanding. Listen to her and try to assist her.

Time changes people as experiences do. When you will come home she will have changed as you will have changed which is often a big problem as the experiences you both made were experiences without the partner. You will not be able to explain any indepth matter of your experiences as she will not be able to explain any indepth matter of her experiences to you. It´s basically a timegap you experience. That´s not very easy sometimes.

Most likely she will appear tougher to you than before. That´s natural as she had to go through the day mostly alone and will have more self-confidence. This can be a problem for some as they don´t see the woman they left in her anymore.

It´s always a risky thing to go on abroad mission for long times even if the relation is good before you leave. How tolerant are you ? Would you accept that she goes out with other man while you are not there ? Could you understand that it´s sometimes more than going out with a man ?

Those things happen and you need to think about it before you leave her. Else you will have real big problems oneday.

My 2 cents.

[cozza 24]

2 cents..........Thats at least 10 dollors AUD

[ran 0]

It very much depends on the person.

While some can go alone over a certain period of time and will try to make it as easy for you as it can get, some others simply can´t stand the fears they have and will suffer to a point where they don´t want to take all that and will try to get away from you. Both has to be accepted.

I think this is the main point that has to be made clear at the really beginning of a relationship. I personally would advise anybody wanting to enlist to wait having a good situation in the forces before looking for romance, and looking for that in particular circles of women already aware of all the things implied by military life and marrying with a soldier. I know it's hard as often, love stories pre-date the enlistment, but everything has to be clear from the moment you sign up your contract and even before (as to avoid any surprise to the girl)

It's all about communication, you're right here. In my own experience, lack of communication is what has shot down a few of my relationships.

I've also seen mates being "victims" of breakdowns in particularly shitty times and this is just bad and litterally deprived them of all their meens and rendered them almost useless and sometimes dangerous.

Quote[/b] ]While some can go alone over a certain period of time and will try to make it as easy for you as it can get, some others simply can´t stand the fears they have and will suffer to a point where they don´t want to take all that and will try to get away from you. Both has to be accepted.

This is quite right and this is what you should make sure of before going any further in a relationship while in the forces.

And do not hesitate to introduce your girl and your mate's so they can withstand the fears and pressure together.

Quote[/b] ]If she is ok with you going on abroad duties, maintain contact at all costs. It´s not always easy to do that as you are thrown intoa complete different setup and surrounding that is often hard to understand for outsiders but do it. Tell her about your daily doings (if permitted to do so) try to write, phone her as much as you can and don´t only think that you are the only one that suffers. She has to go on with regular life and as we all know regular life can be tricky and demanding. Listen to her and try to assist her.

That's why you have to give her an insight before going any further.

The exchanges when it comes to daily life are also some kind of safeguard/safety. Wen it comes down to that, the routines from both sides aren't that different and talking about things as casual as that somewhat makes you alot closer than the actual distance and gives a certain illusion of being there.

Quote[/b] ]Time changes people as experiences do. When you will come home she will have changed as you will have changed which is often a big problem as the experiences you both made were experiences without the partner. You will not be able to explain any indepth matter of your experiences as she will not be able to explain any indepth matter of her experiences to you. It´s basically a timegap you experience. That´s not very easy sometimes.

I tend to disagree as I have the luck to have found somebody able to understand at least a part of my experiences. I know it's quite often hard to put words on such deep and harsh experiences, but you should be able to express it, even with simple words, but for that, your companion has to show some intelligence to be able to read between the lines and hear the silent words and this only comes after some time. Loneliness, fear are among these, and both of you will feel them. Start from here it's the easiest as both of you will have experienced them, diffrently but they will be there in your both memories. And from there (and those are just exemples) you can dig deeper.

Quote[/b] ]Most likely she will appear tougher to you than before. That´s natural as she had to go through the day mostly alone and will have more self-confidence. This can be a problem for some as they don´t see the woman they left in her anymore.

It´s always a risky thing to go on abroad mission for long times even if the relation is good before you leave. How tolerant are you ? Would you accept that she goes out with other man while you are not there ? Could you understand that it´s sometimes more than going out with a man ?

You generally witness these changes if you maintain enough contact during your leave abroad. At least, I get the feeling I did. I personnaly always had a taste for self confident almost dominating and quite independant women.

You have to open your mind and be ready for compromises, ready to sometimes close your eyes, as, as a free being a woman can't be stuck in your house forever, especially if you're not around.

As an inconsequent Frenchman, I'd just say "ça passe ou ça casse" but it's actually much more complicated

[breaker44 0]

Well, speaking from experience:

Your friends become even friendlier (when you are in uniform)

Your enemies leave you alone

You will catch hell from da hippie set

Your dad will be proud, your mom will be sad

People will debate you on any topic (not excluding the military) to no end. Kinda like here.

And the ladies love it. If yer gonna join, leave your reproductive organs at the induction center, cuz on military pay, you can't afford a wife, let alone a munchkin.

But, it is cool to walk into class in my fatigue uniform and catch people staring at me (whether outta respect, intimidation, dislike, or the possibility that I have food on my face) it's still kinda fun.

But, I gurantee you, is the look of pride and "knowing" that vets and soldiers share. You become part of a family. The guys you meet, if you pull your weight, will become close. You will learn the language of the military (like, what a PUNT is)

That's the best part. Serving in the company of real men. Men who join at a time of conflict share a common purpose, a common thread.

Hope you make the right descision for yourself. Whether you join the misguided children, the navy, thae AF or the Army, I think you will find this (all of it.) relish it, as you can tell your grandkinds about what you did (if there is a war), and feel good that you protected the nation they grew up in.

I can't wait for the day when I can tell my kids stories about adventure and nonadventures in service to my country.

-Breaker Out

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]I've also seen mates being "victims" of breakdowns in particularly shitty times and this is just bad and litterally deprived them of all their meens and rendered them almost useless and sometimes dangerous.

I remember a guy who´s girlfriend just split up from him in a 2 minute telephone talk from the other side of the globe. He went mad and did funny stuff with his gun, so we had to take him down, remove his weapons and hand him over to MP where he had to stay for a while. Anyway, the whole deal made him a bit suicidal, he took risks and put risks on us that had to be avoided so it was decided to send him home and take him to psychological treatment. Such things can happen and do happen.

Another thought I can´t talk into much is the matter of children.

I don´t have children (at least I don´t know of any) but I guess it´s pretty hard if you are :

A. not in place when they birth

B. not in place when they take their first steps

C. not in place when they begin to speak

....

It looks like this is also a big problem for some sometimes as they want to be at home to experience all that.

As I said I can´t speak on this on my own, but that´t the impression I got from others.

Edit:

Don´t want to sound rude breaker but:

Quote[/b] ]Your friends become even friendlier (when you are in uniform)

I can´t confirm that as I hardly wear the uniform when meeting them. Friends are friends, with uniform or not.

Quote[/b] ]Your enemies leave you alone

Can´t confirm that. Enemies are enemies.

Quote[/b] ]You will catch hell from da hippie set

Can´t agree on that one also. They do ask a lot of questions. Apart from that I guess I haven´t met a real hippie for 15 years.

Quote[/b] ]Your dad will be proud, your mom will be sad

Both were sad, both are dead. End of story.

Quote[/b] ]And the ladies love it.

In fact a lot of girls I met lost interest the moment I told them that I was a soldier. It´s not Tom Cruise - TopGun style. That´s fiction. They want to have a partner who is there for them. You are not very much "there" as a soldier and they know that. So the uniform - crazy chicks with an IQ lower than a leaf of bread may be easy to get, but who really wants such ?

Quote[/b] ]But, I gurantee you, is the look of pride and "knowing" that vets and soldiers share.

Do they ? *runs for the mirror*

Quote[/b] ]Serving in the company of real men. Men who join at a time of conflict share a common purpose, a common thread.

Hmm...real men...no. I´d say it´s the average guys that are with you as in any other job. There are assholes, there are freaks, there are whiners, there are intelligent ones, there are stupid ones. I guess there is not much difference to any other profession in this one.

The common purpose is often who to get some soap, or how to get rid of the rats or to find someone how can do a relatively good haircut. I can´t remember talking about the great purpose are the common thread for only once when on mission. It´s a job, nothing else. A Job with a lot of bureuaucrazy, forms, stupid drill and boring tasks like endlessly patrolling a perimeter....

I can´t help it but I think you put too much polish on all that breaker.

[ran 0]

Quote[/b] ]I've also seen mates being "victims" of breakdowns in particularly shitty times and this is just bad and litterally deprived them of all their meens and rendered them almost useless and sometimes dangerous.

I remember a guy who´s girlfriend just split up from him in a 2 minute telephone talk from the other side of the globe. He went mad and did funny stuff with his gun, so we had to take him down, remove his weapons and hand him over to MP where he had to stay for a while. Anyway, the whole deal made him a bit suicidal, he took risks and put risks on us that had to be avoided so it was decided to send him home and take him to psychological treatment. Such things can happen and do happen.

Another thought I can´t talk into much is the matter of children.

I don´t have children (at least I don´t know of any) but I guess it´s pretty hard if you are :

A. not in place when they birth

B. not in place when they take their first steps

C. not in place when they begin to speak

....

It looks like this is also a big problem for some sometimes as they want to be at home to experience all that.

As I said I can´t speak on this on my own, but that´t the impression I got from others.

I have a good friend of mine who's now divorced and has missed absolutely all these and beleive me, it's quite depressing listening to him when he's talking about it.

It's not that I don't want to have any children, we can't and I think it's better that way. It's already difficult enough when I have to leave my wife for several months not to have to leave a child along with her. (if the need should arise, we could always adopt, but not before the end of my comittments)

In my opinion, the responsabilities implied by the arrival of a child in a familly forbid any kind of unnecessary risk.

I've had the experience of my brothers and sister, I also know the case of my friend's kids and they didn't and still don't seem happy when their father (and even sometimes nowaday, mothers) is abroad in a warzone.

Not forgetting heartbreaking sights such as those children I saw last november at the Invalides after the Unicorn broke its horn.

[shinRaiden 0]

I have a good friend in the Marines Reserves who was in that situation. Just as he proposed, he got called up for GW1. Stuff happens, ok, got married on his way out the door. Came back, had an otherwise quiet life, found out that they couldn't have kids. Huge hurt in their relationship. Decided to re-up in the Reserves some time later for whatever reason, wife wasn't happy, but what can you say - once a Marine, always a Marine.

A couple years ago they found out that they finally could have kids, and immediately afterwards he got activated for GW2. He had a CO that understood the situation, but when the call comes and you've already committed - even under different circumstances - you go. Went to the ME, that was of course the roughest months they'd ever had. Stayed in contact constantly, and looked like his group would rotate back right about the due date. It was really dicey, we were all parsing hours there for a few days, ie time to contact him at the de-mobilization base, time for him to get the CO's stamp for emergency leave, time to catch a standby flight home, etc. I picked him up at midnight or so from the airport and drove the hour or so home to deliver him to his wife, hadn't seen each other since before GW2 began. Those are the lucky ones. The key there is those two are committed to each other, and committed together. That doesn't lessen the load any, just gives a way to deal with it. Don't just up and join the military to go play soldier, if it's going to be an undue hardship on your family, that must be taken into consideration. That's the story of one family.

-edit-

He was stationed at a relatively safe staging point well behind the lines in Kuwait, but of course the media was predicting Amegeddon and massed casualties. Then troops surged north and the media recited everything Baghdad Bob said about making the streets run with blood. Of course the military doesn't comment about current operations, so all the news they got was from Baghdad Bob. Then missiles slip through, or there's an accident, or something, and of course names are not released until an officer and chaplain has visited every family. And the TV does nothing to help except to say "we don't know, but it looks bad".

-end edit-

On the other hand is the case of one of my brother's friends. Biological dad is supposedly military or a contractor somewhere doing something. Mom was one of the clingy chicks with issues at home. Remarried, typical dysfunctional family. The kid's hooked up with a close friend who's fled from an abusive family, they're getting married next month just before he enlists as a grunt. God help them survive, they're going to need every last bit of help.

The short of it is that there are somber reasons behind the joke that "if the Corps wanted you to have a wife they'd issue you one". A lot of people seem to have had the mistaken notion that if they just signed up for the Reserves thinking that they'd get an 8-5 job handed to them + retirement + college money + go play soldier, then paniced when called up for 24x7x365 service. Sometimes you don't even come back from training. If it snows here, they close the schools. If the sand kicks up in Iraq, you still go out anyways, and choppers sometimes don't come back due to the sand.

While there is an honor and respect for service and sacrifice, you need to weigh heavily if that is acceptable for your entire family. It's not at all a hobby that you can run off to and come home at nights. It's as much a part of their lives, if not more so, as it is a part of yours. As noble as they may be, stories of heros do not question kids about their report cards or drive trash trucks. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but the greatest of respect for those able to make that commitment, and to make the most of it. But it is also not for everyone, and it may come down to your significant others saying that they aren't able to make that kind of sacrifice, in which your priorities get discounted.

[denoir 0]

Well, when I did my basic service, it was no big surprise. Sweden has conscription, so I didn't have much of a say there. I was hoping not to get drafted, but when I did, I decided to make the most out of it (what I thought at the time that it was). I think my parents were pretty surprised when I applied for the Kustjägarna (Coastal rangers) and later proceeded to A-dyk (combat divers), as the service time for that is longer than the regular mandatory time. But overall, it was nothing dramatic, they were pretty neutral to it.

Near the end of my service, I was transferred to the main HQ to give some feedback on the design of a new proposed submarine exit hatch. It was against my will at first, but in the end it wasn't all that bad. It was pretty laid back and I made some good friends there. (I was in a department that dealt primarily with submarine intel and they had been basically without work since the fall of the Soviet Union and the subsequent fall of the Northern Fleet).

A couple of years later, in 2000 I got contacted by my former CO asking if I was interested in going to Kosovo to be part of a KFOR team investigating pre and post-war Yugoslav military capabilities. It would be a a six month assignment and I would be mostly involved in on-site inspections. As I was thoroughly bored at the time with my engineering studies, I accepted. I also had some friends who were serving down there as peace keeping grunts, so that influenced my decision as well.

Both friends and family were amazed at what an idiotic decision I made. Everybody tried to talk me out of it. My parents thought it was some form of adolescent adventurism (which looking at it in retrospect it probably was). My girlfriend broke up with me, but at that point that relationship was already doomed, so it wasn't much of a loss. My friends really could not understand WTF I thought was so interesting in Kosovo. They saw it as basically a huge waste of time.

When I completed the six months, everybody was happy that I was back, but they still were no closer to understanding why the hell I would go and do something like that. I have avoided telling my parents a bunch of stuff that happened and what I saw.. simply because nothing good would come out of it. They wouldn't be able to relate to it in a meaningful way and it would just worry them.

Personally however, I think it was overall a very valuable experience, and I don't regret it one bit. There is no way in hell I would do it again.

Afterwards I continued as a reserve officer for a few years. It was very laid back, only a couple of weekends per year. We were a bunch that signed up for that, and we continued it for a while basically to keep in touch. I quit last year after being fed up with the military and the idiocy that is built into the organization.

Overall, the most valuable thing that I got out of it is meeting people that I never would have met otherwise. I think it broadens your perspective to get to know people outside of your normal social context. I still meet once a year my old team mates from A-dyk. Today we have basically nothing in common, but it's nice to reminisce about the service, remembering just the good stuff and forgetting the pile of shit that the good stuff was buried in.

[Necromancer- 0]

I have no experience at all in the military, but I have interests in perhaps joining up. So my point of view is different from the ones who have experience in the military.

As long if I am single, it won't stop me from joining the military.

But if I do have a love-relationship, especially with children, I wouldn't join the military... or quit if I was.

I do not wish to be mourned by the ones where I feel responsible for, especially my children, if something happens to me. Because of that there is a greater possibility that those children go "into a wrong direction".

[MilitiaSniper 0]

Honor and Duty?

It depends on the person.

To me.., It's my civic duty.

I'm doing it for my family!

For my country.

And hopefully.., For my beliefs?

Sincerely, MilitiaSniper

[miles teg 1]

Wooooooooooe....hold the boat. First of all, yes I am ex US military. Second of all: PLEASE DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!

Look if you think you are going to Iraq to protect your country (assuming you are American), then please reconsider that. Right now, Iraq is a terrorist magnet because it is as seen in the Muslim world as the center of US oppression of the Muslims in the world.

Fighting there is NOT going to make America safer. If you are joining for the sole purpose of defending your country then I highly advise that you look into careers in law enforcement, the Department of Homeland Security, and the FBI if that is your true intention. Because right now, what we are doing in Iraq has nothing to do with securing our country. It does however have ALOT to do increasing support for Al-Qaeda around the world and thus making the world a lot more dangerous place for Americans. So please do some research on the cause and effect relationship between this war in Iraq and terrorism. True the terrorists hit us first but also please do some research on the links between Iraq and 9/11. There are no tangible links. Only rumors of some meeting that is disputed as ever happening.

Furthermore, the only Al-Qaeda training camp in Iraq was the Al-Ansar camps up in the Northern Kurdish territories near Iran. These guys were fighting against Saddam's regime, but are now widespread thruout Iraq thanks to us eliminating their arch enemy, Saddam Hussein. True there were PLO training areas so we did get rid of those terrorist training camps and PLO offices. But Palistinian terrorists were the only terrorists Saddam had a direct relationship to, and the Palistinian terrorists are all about fighting Israel. They have never to my knowlege tried to attack the US military or the United States itself. Al-Qaeda didn't even mention the Palistinians as a reason for Jihad until the late 90's.

Anyways, all of this is not to say that joining the military is a bad thing. But if you do join, please join for the right reasons. I loved being a soldier and my eyes were fully open to the possibility that I might get deployed to fight a war I didn't believe in. But I just plain liked soldiering. Fortunately I did not reenlist in June 2001 and so I was spared the whole Iraq debacle. The reason I didn't reenlist was because I was against the Anthrax Vaccination program which was basically a program for giving experimental vaccines to US troops without their consent even though the vaccine had an extremely poor safety record. Since then federal judges ordered that the vaccine not be mandatory and only given on a voluntary basis.

At any rate, my old unit was deployed and recently came back and I can tell you that many of them were not happy campers about going there and are not relishing returning to Iraq.

At the same time however many soldiers are doing a damn fine job there and are being very professional. But sadly they get lumped together with the idiots who do stupid shit that make Americans look like monsters. When you go there you can not expect hugs and kisses from Iraqis. Many will show alot of hostility towards you and will only respect strength (which further encourages US troops to act aggressive towards civilians). Sadly the atmosphere there creates alot of bad blood between many Iraqis and the US forces there.

So again, I'm not saying not to join the military. I'm just saying that you need to fully realize what you are getting into rather then just swallowing the propaganda you see on the TV commercials about fighting to defend your country. Once you know what you are doing, its alot easier to explain to your loved ones why you are doing it. Furthermore, you can better pick a MOS that you think will do the most good for your country. I would highly recommend the Coast Guard if you truly want to defend your country. The National Guard ain't too bad but they're getting deployed to Iraq alot also.

Your best bet is a civy job with Homeland Security and not screwing around in Iraq pissing Muslims off even more.

If you still want to go fight in Iraq, I HIGHLY recommend that you learn a bit about Islam. If you want to befriend a fundamentalist Iraqi real quick, the easiest way is to simply ask him to teach you about the Qu'ran (the Islamic holy book).

If you learn mainstream Islamic theology and learn how to combat Al-Qaeda ideology using good Islamic references, then you will impress ALOT of Iraqis and you can do ALOT of good work there.

If you are serious about fighting terrorism, I HIGHLY recommend that you read the book: "Islam, Fundamentalism, and the Betrayal of Tradition: Essays by Western Muslim Scholars." Edited by Joseph E. B. Lumbard.

That book will give you a massive leg up on Wahabi type fundamentalists that you might encounter over there if you decide to enlist. It will also give you a leg up over idiot officers and NCO's who don't give a rats ass about the locals.

If you go, remember what the mission there is, and try to see things in perspective as to how to best win the security of your country. Its not just by killing terrorist. A HUGE part of the mission there is to win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people. Remember that and try not to see all of them as a bunch of savages cuz you will meet all kinds of Iraqis there...everything from highly educated types to complete morons. But all of these you will have to learn to deal with if you go over there.

Anyways...thats my advice. I hope you take it for what its worth.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[MilitiaSniper 0]

Honor and Duty?

It depends on the person.

To me.., It's my civic duty.

I'm doing it for my family!

For my country.

And hopefully.., For my beliefs?

Sincerely, MilitiaSniper

     

I was talking about defending my nation.

Enlisting in the Military now, just to go to Iraq or Afghanistan.

That is your choosing.

I signed up years ago.

For the, "Honor and Duty," thing.

But.., I knew I may be called up for whatever.

I'm a Civi. now.

And would I sign up now?

ONLY!!! If my nation's security depended on it!

I'm getting old! (33 But I fell 43 sometimes! LOL!)

But in my opinon the war in Iraq was worth it.

But now, I say let the people of Iraq.

Do their own security.

They either want it, (Security) or don't?

Time will tell?

But enlist in the military for your own reason!

YOU!!! Can only decide what is best for you.

We can only speak our opinion.

What we may have experienced.

Do what is best in your heart and soul!

I agree with Miles Teg.

Remember why you are there.

Don't make an @$$ of yourself.

Because that makes every person from your country.

Look like an @$$!

Sincerely, MilitiaSniper

     

[stevevcb 3]

You know what the difference is between love and war?

Well, one involves lots of suffering, misery and psychological pain, and the other one's, well, war.

[Baz 0]

lol kooky, that was a good one

please don't turn this thread into a " why we are at war, or you're joing the military for the wrong reasons" thread. The sole purpose of this thread is to express the feelings and hardships you and your loved ones went through during and after your deployment, or service. It is not to discuss the different ideologies for going to war or for telling someone that the way they serve their country isn't really serving it. If I see anymore posts such as those that I listed I will ask a mod to kindly delete that person's post. Thankyou. I'm not pointing at anyone in paticular... Just want there to be no flamebaiting or "unrest" in my thread.

[miles teg 1]

I wasn't trying to start a flamefest.  I just said to make sure you fully realize what the reality is of Iraq and not just fall for the romantic propaganda about war while ignoring the ugly brutal realities.  It will help you alot in keeping your sanity for one reason.  It was also help you to maintain a sense of honor and duty during times in which other soldiers may pressure you to do the wrong thing.  I was trying to give you some advice based on experience in the military, and experience living in the Middle East, but if you want to ignore it, then I'm sorry.  You will have to learn tough lessons for yourself.  

I wish you the best of luck.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[breaker44 0]

Well, Balischow, we have had different experiences. I am an American soldier. All the above are true. Don't try to say that I'm somehow lying. This was my experience. I (and the soldiers around me) can associate to veterans, and do. My father (a veteran) and me can now share the experience and understand what it's all about.

-Breaker Out

Oh, and PS. The ladies do love the uniform, mebbe you're just ugly.

[ran 0]

Well, Balischow, we have had different experiences. I am an American soldier. All the above are true. Don't try to say that I'm somehow lying. This was my experience. I (and the soldiers around me) can associate to veterans, and do. My father (a veteran) and me can now share the experience and understand what it's all about.

-Breaker Out

Oh, and PS. The ladies do love the uniform, mebbe you're just ugly.

It's just a different mindset I guess.

In Europe, if you're not a Légionnaire or some kind of kick-ass ladies man with a special hat, you don't get as much success with ladies.

The only girls really attracted by the uniform are the soldiers girls living near the garissons.

Here, hippies don't give a fuck about us and we don't mind them either.

Here your friends become even friendlier with your wife and if they're real friends can't get any more friendly around here at least.

The mom and dad thingy is a big fat cliché (talking from my own personnal experience and friends' testimonies here).

[Bordoy 0]

Here, hippies don't give a fuck about us and we don't mind them either.

That's because they are hippies and hate all soldiers etc.

[General Barron 0]

Good topic. Here's my story, although it might be sort of rambling:

Both my brother and I am in the USMC reserves. My bro got deployed to Iraq when the war first started, and was there for about 4 months. My family and everyone was of course worried about him, but being in a force-service company (in the rear with the gear), I wasn't too worried. The constant threat of bio-chemical missles being lobbed around his camp before the forces broke the berm was a pretty damn scary thought though.

So he gets back that summer, and starts dating Amanda, a girl he had met before he left. Things are going fine, when, last August or so, he got called up again. He heads back to Iraq for another 6 months, bored off his arse essentially operating an airport terminal, then gets back this last March or so. Immediately, he askes his girlfriend to marry him, and they schedule the wedding for July.

It was hard on Amanda to be without him for that long. To worry for him. She cried every night. But she waited for him, and was there when he got back.

---------

In my case, my girlfriend Ashley and I have been dating for 4+ years. We were dating before I joined the reserves, and she waited thru all of my initial training. Even though I wasn't in harms way, it was still hard on her (and me). No matter how much I could communicate with her, it seems as though it was just as hard for her to deal with (in bootcamp I could only write letters, while in my MOS school we talked on the phone every night). Its even hard for her when I'm gone for a single weekend training.

I have not been to Iraq yet. Every time someone brings up the subject when Ashley is around, she gets real quiet and upset. It is a very sensitive subject between us, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it. The fact is, sooner or later, I will go (January is the current word). It'll hurt like heck for her when I'm gone, and I wish I knew how to make it better, but I don't.

I often feel guilty that I haven't gone yet, when there are others who are on their 2nd or 3rd trip over there. Most of them have their own significant other back home who no doubt cries every night as well. So it seems selfish of me to not try and relieve some of them.

Yet, I have specifically NOT volunteered to go, because I don't want to hurt Ashley. Or maybe I just don't want to disrupt my normal life. But the thought that eventually I will relieve a fellow Marine so that he can see his family lessens the guilt, and hopefully that thought will make it just a little bit easier on Ashley when the time comes.

-----------

So really, I'm not sure if I can give you too much advise. I would highly suggest you DON'T go active duty, though. If it is this hard on your significant other to be a reservist, with a whopping total of maybe 1 year's deployment over 1 contract, then imagine how hard it would be on active duty, where you go on floats for 6 months at a time, every year or so. Add to that the pressures of being a non-NCO, like  housing, having little say over where you are stationed, not being able to drive in certain stations, ASO...

Its just a terrible idea to go active if you are married. And if you are just BF/GF, then forget it. If you really want to go military, then go reserves.

-----------

I don't know how serious you and your girl are, but this really isn't her decision. If you feel that you need to protect your country, then that is your choice. If she loves you, she should respect that choice, because it is a part of who you are. With that said, keep in mind that it will be hard on her. However, no one ever said that life/relationships are supposed to be without hardship. I believe in that old saying that 'adversity builds character', so in the end, it will only make her (and you) a better person.

-GB

PS: Unless you die. Then it will make her a very broken, and you a very dead, person

Sorry, I had to lighten things up a bit...

[wheres my rabbit ? 10]

But if I do have a love-relationship, especially with children,

omg you cant say that look where it got micheal jackson :P

[Balschoiw 0]

Quote[/b] ]Don't try to say that I'm somehow lying. This was my experience.

I don´t but it looks that there is a great difference...

I also served with US troops during missions and from my perspective they were not that different in concerns of mission syndroms.

[Espectro (DayZ) 0]

After thinking about what would happen when commiting to somebody, I have toyed around with the notion of joining the military. Well I can see the need to be involved in the military, the feeling of not only protecting your country... But also your loved ones. And it makes me wonder should the need arise for me to join up, how would my loved one take it? Would she take it very badly and stop at nothing to keep me from going? Or would she understand and support me on my decision. Well seeing how there's a bunch of military guys here, some even vets. How did you take it? Leaving your loved one.... And how did your love one react? What was it like comming back home to them? I'd imagine it would be like the first time you met each other. This is a very interesting topic, and i'd like to get serious response. There are not too many topics in the forums that describe the human aspect of the military.

Hey there Baz

Actually I was planned to go to Iraq in 2003, after my military service here in Denmark. I changed my mind though - primarily because of a girl (which im living with now). Sometimes I think it could have been a very nice and learning experience - but the prize for it was simply too high.

Instead, my girl and me have been on various "missions" with "Care" helping out refugees in camps, and handing out material... Not in Iraq though.

Just so you know, I have never felt sorry for my choise, but of course its upto you, if its worth going to war.

I still have contact to my "lads", who went to Iraq. They all feal that they learned quite a bit about life and about them self. Many of them, however have dificulties just having a normal job and a relationship. I guess they experienced something so they lost their naive fealing of being something special.

I guess military life is all or nothing - if you go, your their for life, either in war or just in normal service at home.

My 2 cents.

[breaker44 0]

Fair enough, balis.

What do you mean by mission syndromes? Could you go in-depth on that? The guys I am serving with are (for the most part) pretty hooah.

Oh, and the "cliche" of mom and dad is a cliche cuz it happens a lot.

My fellow soldiers ALWAYS do the right thing, and shall always do the right thing. Every time some hippie-type induvidual gives one of us flak, we keep our bearing, although most hippies look better with a broken jaw.

Never heard Iraq romanticized, tho.

-Breaker Out