A snipers story: vietnam

[miles teg 1]

Some comments-

Overall the story is fairly good.

However there needs to be a bit more detail as things tend to happen way too fast... from "shooting the shit" to suddenly being in a major battle.

In between these two sections you could put in some more info about the character...like about his thoughts, the smell of the GI issue canvas and plastic tarps wafting in the hot tropical air, ect...  

You could also use that section to describe his weapons.  What model and caliber rifle is he using? What kind of .22 pistol.  Also proper terminology should be used when possible. This lends the story better realism and believability.  The best source is of coarse Vietnam stories written by actual Vietnam Veterans.

Amongst other details that could be added are things such as the smell of gunpowder, the crack of rifle fire going past your head (it sounds like firecrackers going off near your head as rifle bullets make small "sonic booms"), the jingle of spent brass hitting the floor, the slow pull of the trigger, leading moving targets, the feeling of recoil against the characters shoulder as he shoots, ect... ect...

Alot of these things are easier to describe if you've actually experienced it or something similar.  

Other areas where detail can be improved is in the battle scene.   US military positions are more then just trenches.  They generally consist of layers of concertina wire.  The NVA and VC used specially trained sappers to penetrate these defences, usually in a covert manner, but other times using large heavy wooden planks carried by teams of sappers that were thrown over the wire so that they could run over them.

Also, if the enemy was spotted gathering for an assault, artillery either local to the firebase (usually mortars), or from another base, would have been called in immediately.  If not that an airstrike would have been called in in order to take advantage of the enemy being clumped together.  If fighter bombers weren't available on short notice, often gunships were.

Finally a description of the base should be added as well.  

Doing all these things should fill up quite a few pages rapdily and it will give the reader a much greater sense of depth.  

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[bmgarcangel 0]

Miles, Miles, Miles...you didn't read the updated version did you?

First off..what battle? What NVA battling against the US forces? I changed the story remember! I added more indepth conversations too in case you haven't read the updated version right above your POST!!!

Arrgh...you make me sad man

Quote[/b] ]M16 with its rather large scope attached to the top

LOOK! Talk of his weapon! WOW!!

[bmgarcangel 0]

Ok...now i might finish the chpater, like after the part above, with like information about his life in the states maybe on or two things at training and boot camp.

Anyone want to give me some idea's about where this guy came from?

~Bmgarcangel

[miles teg 1]

Miles, Miles, Miles...you didn't read the updated version did you?  

First off..what battle?  What NVA battling against the US forces?  I changed the story remember!  I added more indepth conversations too in case you haven't read the updated version right above your POST!!!

Arrgh...you make me sad man  

Quote[/b] ]M16 with its rather large scope attached to the top

LOOK! Talk of his weapon! WOW!!  

When I posted I hadn't read the 2nd page yet.  I thought it was just more comments.  My apologies.  However, I imagine that in your book there will eventually be some depictions of battles no?

So my comments still stand.  But if you wish to ignore the rest of my comments about using appropriate terminology then that is your choice.  But if you are serious about getting this story published, then I suggest that you do some really hardcore research into tactics, terminology, units, and weaponry used during the period in the Vietnam War that you are talking about.  Having Vietnam Veterans review your manuscript would also be a good idea.

As for the part about an M16 with a big scope, well what kind of scope?   What kind of M16? What type of bipod?  The M16's used during that period were M16A1's.  Generally scopes for the M16A1's were very rarely issued for these except for special operations units.  I'm not aware of too many "marksmen" in regular infantry units.

Unless your story is based upon an actual individual who used such a weapon during the Vietnam War in the 7th Cav, I would recommend that you just switch him to a sniper (something most infantry units do have) using a M-21 sniper rifle (the M21 was introduced into the Vietnam War in 1969).

As for your revised 1st chapter, overall it looks good.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[ThePara 0]

I agree with Teg's assessments. I'm not aware of the 1/7th Cav employing snipers organically during the fighting at LZ X-Ray, nor 2/7th Cav at LZ Albany. You might just want to change him to someone carrying an M-14, as there were a mix of M-16's and M-14's during '65.

Also, you don't really go into much depth about WHY you're going into the Ia Drang valley or the activities of the 1st Air Cav prior too. The SF A-Camp at Plei Me was attacked by the NVA. The NVA couldn't take the camp but inflicted heavy losses and moved back towards sanctuaries in Cambodia. Westmoreland called in the 1st Cav to find and do them in before this could happen. Also, the 1st Air Cav had been getting into light-moderate fights prior to this engagement as well.

Sorry to sound nit-picky, I've simply been a moderate historian of the Vietnam War since I was in middle school.

Story does sound good though.

Scoped M-16A1's were indeed extremely rare and normally issued only to Army Special Forces...they had every weapon you can possibly think up, and then some.

I'm not expert on just when different weapons started coming into service, but I would swear I've seen pictures dated prior to 1969 with the M-21 being used..

Edit: Never knew that, you're right. Says second half of 1969 it became the primary Army SWS. Learn something new everyday.

[bmgarcangel 0]

So....m-14 with a scope attached to the top hey? Roger that, will do.

Now, any ideas guys on the rest of this chapter. I'm going to work on it more today when I get home and some tonight + this weekend.

Where do you think his hometown should be? who was his first date? How'd he grow up? What social environment did he grow up in? Please, please, give me some advice man!

Anyhow, pretty soon this guy is going to board the 3rd wave the 7th Calvary going into the Ia Drang Valley.....but, that will be in the next chapter! For now, I need to finish this one...advice advice advice on his personel life!

~Bmgarcangel

Please!!!....

[miles teg 1]

Well if he's supposed to be a sniper, you might want to have him growing up in the South somewhere where he grew up hunting with his pappy....or perhaps make him a Native American...  perhaps of the Apache tribe...but then if you go that route you'll need to do a ton of research into Apache culture and traditions... so maybe best to just stick to a Southern kid.   Perhaps in describing his boyhood tell of some hunting story that ties into sniping.  

You could make him either a simple patriotic, all-American kid, or perhaps a more complex character who is torn by his job of killing people and his own religious beliefs and upbringing.

Or you could make him a racist who sees the Vietnamese as "chinks and gooks" who are the ultimate in big game hunting... of coarse then again many readers might get too disgusted with the character and not identify with him... but it would be a fairly realistic portrayal of the type of mentality of some US soldiers fighting in Vietnam.  

I saw an actual picture of a sign in Vietnam somewhere above two US snipers that said something like "Ia Trang Hunting Club" or something like that.

So really you have lots of options.  It just depends alot on your writing style and what types of characters you are most comfortable writing about.

Chris G.

aka-Miles Teg<GD>

[bmgarcangel 0]

Ok Miles and everyone else...got an update...just started working on it again...here you go!

Quote[/b] ] Back in 1943 when my dad, Tom Parker, a handsome young marine Private, was wounded and sent to a hospital on this one island somewhere in the pacific. He meant my mother; an army nurse by the name of Betty Smith, fell in love, and shortly after Betty Smith became Betty Parker. In a months time they meant, married, dad healed up, was sent back with his fellow Marines to the fighting and my mother was left all alone on the island tending to the wounded. Then my mother’s time was up and she went back to her hometown of Fredericksburg, Virginia. She lived their at her parents house while the Marine grunt hoped the islands of the pacific in hopes of reaching Japan and ending the war. In late 1944 my mother became pregnant after my dad spent his two-week leave with her. Nine months after that I was born on May 2nd, 1945. My parents slapped a name on me, John Patrick Parker, and I became the newest but not last member of the family.