Cold war humour

[Stag 0]

A renowned Russian archaeologist working an almost unknown dig in the steppes comes across a finely clad skeleton under a burial mound. It is obviously a high-born Mongol, but with the meagre rescources at his disposal, it is impossible to confirm the corpse’s identity. Taking the advice of his Project Political Advisor, the scholar writes to KGB headquarters in Moscow asking if  they could analyse the remains for him. The KGB agree, and within 24 hours, the packaged remains are placed aboard an unmarked Mi17 and taken to the capital.

A fortnight later the archaeologist receives a large bulky parcel through the post. He opens it and pours out ground bone. Totally baffled now he reaches into the parcel and pulls out a document, which proves to be a signed confession that the prisoner was Ghengis Khan, guilty of sacking the whole of the historical territory of the union of Soviet Socialist Republic and their fraternal Communist Allies in Red China.

(I forget the original source; perhaps just as well )

[Guest]

A drunk Russian was arrested by the KGB for saying

that Leonid Brezniev was an idiot.

He was found guilty on leaking state secrets

[Guest]

It is said that in old times being accepted in the Soviet Communist Party was no easy matter, and it required passing hard exams and tests. There was one of these tests which was especially demanding and it was reserved to those young people who showed the promise to form the true cream of the party. It is said that, however, this special test was discontinued after it was passed by a young candidate named Josif Stalin. The test consisted in giving to the candidate a gun loaded with blanks (and, of course, the candidate did not know this, and believed the gun to fire real bullets). Then the candidate was told: “Look, in that room there is an enemy of the people. Ask no questions, go in there and kill him or herâ€. As a further element of the test the examiners had placed in the room the candidate’s mother.

Of course, the majority of candidates refused to shoot their own mother and so did not pass the test. A few did manage to shoot the old lady, perhaps because they were truly ruthless or perhaps because they were smart enough to imagine that the gun would only fire blanks. But with the young Stalin things went a different way. The esaminers heard several shots, then a tremendous noise. Then Stalin came out of the room holding the gun and sayng: “Why the hell did you give me a gun that doesn’t work? I had to kill her using a chair!â€

[Stag 0]

Whoa! Whoa! Stretch 'em out, see if there's any more contributors.

Okay, maybe one...

KNOCK..KNOCK...KNOCK

(Terrified old man) "W-Who's there?"

(Sepulchral voice) "DEATH!"

(Old man) "Thank God for that! For a second I thought it was the KGB!"

[Sadico 1]

LMAO!! Those are good jokes!

The first one reminds me of a joke i heard here in Spain. I'll try to translate it to english:

The NATO makes a survival contest between forces of the member countries. In one of the trials, the soldiers must find the biggest rabbit they can. The German Bundeswehr soldiers come back with a 2 kg rabbit. The French Foreing Legion finds a 3 kg rabbit. The U.S. Army Rangers manage to find a 5 kg rabbit. The Spanish Guardia Civil (they are a half military half police force, something like the russian MVD) guys come back with a elephant that looks like it has been beaten a lot, and the elephant says: "I swear you i'm a rabbit, but please, don't hurt me more!"

[Tex -USMC- 0]

Very funny stuff, unfortunately I threw all my Cold War jokes out about oh, 10 years ago

[Stag 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Tex [uSMC] @ July 09 2002,03:03)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Very funny stuff, unfortunately I threw all my Cold War jokes out about oh, 10 years ago<span id='postcolor'>

Lack of foresight mate. You could have given 'em to a whole new generation

[Sadico 1]

BTW Denoir, who changed my member title to "Pubic Envenomation"!?? It was you, Gimbal, Ex-Ronim, Placebo?

[Placebo 12]

LOL shows how observant you are, I changed it weeks if not months ago when you expressed a desire for a member title in the thread in OT.

[SKULLS_Viper 0]

hey placebo, when did you change my member title?1year ago?

[SKULLS_Viper 0]

hehe, funny coldwar jokes.

[ran 0]

still waiting for my personnal member title .....

[Placebo 12]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (SKULLS_Viper @ July 10 2002,00:13)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">hey placebo, when did you change my member title?1year ago? <span id='postcolor'>

Naah more like 11 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 60 seconds ago

[ralphwiggum 6]

here's one about dictatorship and whoever gets in his way getting punished.

Q.What are some ways to kill an elephant with a needle?

A.

1.Poke elephant until it dies

2.Poke once, and hide, wait untill elephant dies.

3.Wait until elephant steps on the needle.

[SKULLS_Viper 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (placebo @ July 10 2002,02:15)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (SKULLS_Viper @ July 10 2002,00:13)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">hey placebo, when did you change my member title?1year ago? <span id='postcolor'>

Naah more like 11 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 60 seconds ago <span id='postcolor'>

and 200 split seconds, 1000 milaseconds etc....

[ralphwiggum 6]

here's one about leadership.

when a successor had to meet his disgraced predecessor to get power handed down, predecessor gave him two sealed letters.

successor: what is this?

predecessor: open it and there's the way to escape a big disgrace. open first one then second one if needed.

a few years later, the succesor gets into big trouble. he opens the first one. it reads:

"Blame your predecessor"

and so did the successor and he was out of trouble.

but a few years alter he was once again in trouble and decided to open remaining one. it read:

"calm yourself, go to your desk, sit down, and write two letters to your successor."