500 ways to tell if you play ofp too much.

[Kris 1]

1. Whilest playing rugby for your local club, you start to shout "Form line" or form "Echelon Right" to your backs in a deep, monotone voice.

2. You find your car is locked but then proceed around to the other side to see if you can get in on that side instead. When you realise the car is locked, you immediately go searching for another one which is unlocked, throwing out the occupants and driving "back to base"

3. Whilest walking in the countryside, you get an urge to lie down and pull out your binoculars every time you see a figure in the distance coming over a hill, just to see if they're friendly or not.

4. You pull into a petrol station and realise that you actually have to get out of the car to refill the tank.

5. Throwing yourself into a nearby bush everytime a helicopter flies past.

6. You have an inherant fear of water and refuse to go swimming to case you mysteriously drown a few feet in.

7. You refuse to drive your car through deep puddles for fear that it will become unusable.

8. You stop paying attention to road signs on country lanes.

9. You try and put out campfires by kneeling down next to them.

10. If somebody tells you to do something and you can't, you blindly start shouting "Negative" at them unitll they give in.

11. Whilest on a first aid course, you refuse to give up on the dummy which the instructor has told you is already dead, instead preferring to continuously give him medical aid.

12. You start to think that driving a 5 Ton truck is easier than it looks.

13. You also start to think that flying a ground attack aircraft is a piece of cake.

14. You throw yourself to the ground and crawl whilest walking down steep hills for fear of damaging yourself.

15. You have an inherant need to walk slowly and carefully up the same steep hill, but are perfectly fine with running up it sideways.

16. You are perplexed when you see container ships actually moving.

17.You think that by running very fast at chain-link fences you will somehow bounce through them.

18. You dismiss men with grey beards as evil and wanting to start World War III.

19. You peer carefully around street cornors to see if there's anybody lying in wait for you.

20.You start to think that commandeering military vehicles for your own personal use is alright.

21. You have trouble getting into boats if they are moored less than 20m form the shoreline.

22. You have a strange inability to climb ladders into church bell towers.

23. You carry a map and a military issue compass everywhere you go.

Well, there are 23 to get you started, lets see if we can get to 500.

[Yahiko 0]

24. When someone asks you for directions in a city, you tell them to move to house, 1 o'clock.

25. You have an innate abillity to calculate a 360 degree radial circle around you.

26. While watching the A-Team, you wonder why the vehicles don't bounce sky-high.

[jimz0rz 0]

27. When asked for directions you reply "Goto Df25".

28. When injured, you refuse a doctor and attempt crawl 5KM to the nearest tent.

29. You refuse to go anywhere without a waypoint.

30. You insist that your house has nothing in it.

31. When asked to sit down on a chair you reply "negative" and sit cross-legged on the floor.

32. You insist your friend wears a green hula-hoop so that you don't get lost.

33. You refuse to drive anything but a lada or a trabant.

[ALDEGA 0]

34. *moving to offtopic*

[Hilandor 1]

yes indeed moved to offtopic

(did we not just have one of these threads not so long ago??)

[Grey Fox 0]

35. You Mysteriously learn the rifleman's Prayer:

A Rifleman's Prayer

Dear God, my Father

through thy Son

Hear the prayer of a

warrior son

Give my eyes a vision keen

To see the things that

must be seen

A steady hand I ask of thee

The feel of wind on

land or sea

Let me not ever careless be

of life or limb or liberty

For Justice sake a quiet heart

And grace and strength

to do my part

To God and Country

Home and Corps

Let me be faithful evermore.

Amen

[Grey Fox 0]

36. You learn to be a real NCO:

Real NCO's:

1. Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.

2. Can remember when there weren't so many wussy soldiers.

3. Have a spine.

4. Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.

5. Can see in the dark.

6. Have eyes in the back of their heads.

7. Have actually read the US Constitution.

8. Would rather be on the frontline than behind a desk.

9. Have wet dreams about leading an assault on Baghdad.

10. Still don't trust the Russians.

11. Still hate the French.

12. Don't know how to be politically correct.

13. Don't give a damn about being politically correct.

14. Think that "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the UCMJ.

15. Love deploying to combat because there is less paperwork and more "real" work.

16. Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.

17. Still know how to use a buffer.

18. Can tell you anything you want to know about an M-1 Garand even though they are no longer in the Army inventory.

19. Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.

20. Know that the Cuban military was too damn stupid to have assassinated Kennedy.

21. Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.

22. Don't know how to use a "stress card".

23. Idolize John Wayne.

24. Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "Commander".

25. Can remember when faggots weren't a "minority group".

26. Won't brief it if it is too complicated to fit on one page of those little green notebooks.

27. Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.

28. Really don't like taking crap from those whom haven't "been there".

29. Know how to properly construct a field latrine.

30. Know how to do a daisy chain.

31. Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.

32. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their butts kicked.

33. Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.

34. Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP4.

35. Know that the digital Army is more screwed up than the old one.

36. Think that the neutron bomb would be appropriate for the Bosnia, Iraq and Kosovo scenarios.

37. Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.

38. Don't need a GPS to find themselves.

39. Think of military pilots as guys who wear pajamas to work.

40. Have enough BDU's and long johns in their closet to start a surplus store.

41. Think that MRE's taste good. (with a little hot sauce) Change 1 Cs are better than MREs except Ham & MFs

42. Would like to see what kind of creature "ham and chicken loaf" comes from.

43. Can be found eating and bunking with the troops.

44. Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.

45. Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.

46. Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it, or when you can stand a truck jack up in it.

47. Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.

48. Know that cold beer is a great motivator

49. Know that lousy leaders will always say they have lousy soldiers.

[SKULLS_Viper 0]

37.You shoot your TV expecting it wont shatter, then you relise, you just destroyed a $5000 TV.

37.When your a doctor, and some one need medical attention, you just touch them expecting them to be healed in 5 seconds.

[Hardliner 0]

39. When you see someone in the street you lie on the ground and yell out "1 o'clock enemy man 100"

[Jester983 0]

40. You are at someone's funeral and you go up to make your speech. Only to realize that you left it at home. So you improvise. "Damn 2 is down."

[Hasha 2]

41) When asking your friends to get off your car, you would say: "All disembark"

42) When hearing rotor blade sound, you would say:

"All Stay Low" "Mi 24 Hind 12'o clock"

[Hasha 2]

43) At an airshow, you would ask an apache, UH60, cobra, Mi 24 hind or any helo pilot where the 'Page Up' button is.

[Jester983 0]

44. You are flying a helicopter with a buddy in a police pursuit. Instead of saying "keep your eye on him" you say "2 target car, 12 o clock."

[LordZach 0]

45: when moving somewhere you constantly change between running and walking every couple of seconds

46: you insist on running over every single roadsign on the roadway

47: you drive deep into enemy territory to flank a base on the frontline and expect there to be no enemy activity because it will lag too much

[TheCounter54231 0]

48. Every time you wanna enter a car you search for the Action Menü

49. You try to kill all bugs with patches

[Hasha 2]

50? When driving, your hands are not on the wheels and reading newspaper, thinking that you are in a Ambrams

[canukausiuka 1]

51: You insist that the birds you see flying around are actually dead enemy soldiers spying on your team.

[Hasha 2]

52) Whenever you see a seagull, you either run away from it or try to shoot it.

[Tex -USMC- 0]

53) You call a contractor to see what the cost of building a medical tent in your back yard would be

54) You dont fear air travel anymore, because you are convinced that you have an invisible parachute with you at all times

[LordZach 0]

55: you run into parking lots scrambling to find unlocked cars, and when you do find one the keys are magically in there, and you drive off without thinking it will bother anyone

56: you drive that car franticly to the airport and steal a plane, only to bail out in midflight expecting nobody to care and saying a shilka got you

57: you get mad when people follow you around and shout "all, halt" at them

58: when you rear-end someone on the highway you shout "need repairs position hotel echo 1 1" into your cd player

[Jester983 0]

59. You die in real life and go to heaven. There you are asked how you died and you blame it on lag.

[Tex -USMC- 0]

60) Rivers scare the beejesus out of you

[Jester983 0]

61. You tell your friend: "2, get in as driver."

[RED 0]

62. You have a strange belief that when you die, you will turn into a seagull

[USSoldier11B 0]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">12. You start to think that driving a 5 Ton truck is easier than it looks.

<span id='postcolor'>

It is.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">10. If somebody tells you to do something and you can't, you blindly start shouting "Negative" at them unitll they give in.

<span id='postcolor'>

More ofthen than not.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">23. You carry a map and a military issue compass everywhere you go.

<span id='postcolor'>

What's wrong with this?

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">(did we not just have one of these threads not so long ago??)<span id='postcolor'>

I started that thread.

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">16. Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.

<span id='postcolor'>

Gwhahahahahah! Only funny if you know what a DD 214 is.

63: You dream in 32 bit true color and see waypoint markers when you look around. (yes this has happened to me.